Dear Xander: The Case of the Stranger in the House

A feline advice column for other felines.

Xander has been on vacation so his weekly column was delayed by a couple days.

Dear Xander is an advice column for feline readers. If you have a question for Xander, please leave it in the comments and he will answer in a future column.

Dear Xander:

My human went away! Some stranger is staying in the house. She seems nice enough but who is she? Why is she here?

Yesterday the boxes with wheels came out of the closet. My human put stuff in the box. Then this morning, he left the house with the box. Later in the day, I heard some noise at the door. Then a woman I don’t know came into the house with her own box with wheels. She put the box in the room with the large pillow and then went into the kitchen to give me food.

I wasn’t sure about all that. I stepped back and hid under the table where I could watch her. After a while, she went and turned on the noisy box and sad on the couch.

I waited for a long time but finally, I ate a little. She stayed on the couch so I walked over and jumped up to sniff her. She smelled alright. Mostly like my food, to be honest. I let her pet me.

Now I’m not sure what to do. She went into the room and got on the big pillow. She pulled blankets over her and turned out the light.

I am going to sleep in my human’s room. What should I do? Is my human coming back or is this stranger supposed to be my new human? I am so confused.

Confused and Scared

Dear C&S:

I understand. This experience recently happened to myself and Anya. Both our humans left and a woman stayed in our house for many days. She gave us fresh food and water every day. Eventually, she even cleaned our litter box.

After a while, she left and didn’t come back. Later, our humans returned.

I think the same thing is happening to you. I think your human will be coming back. In the meantime, be cautious but friendly. Sometimes strangers really want you to like them and they give extra treats.

Xander

Dear Xander:

My human is getting rid of my favorite couch! What am I supposed to do now? Scratch that scratching post? I thought true love was unconditional!

Still Feeling Unloved

Dear Still Feeling Unloved (didn’t think it was a good idea to use initials:

You have touched on a larger issue with your question. Why do humans change our surroundings? Why do furniture, toys, blankets, and pillows disappear over time? Why are our favorite things removed? Why are they sometimes replaced with other things? Or not replaced at all?

I don’t have the answer to these questions. They are the questions that have haunted felines for generations. I have it on good authority (that annoying fluff ball that visits the house sometimes) that canines have been struggling with these questions at least as long as we have.

One thing I am sure of: it has nothing to do with how much your human loves you. Your couch may be disappearing but the affections you are shown will not diminish in anyway. In fact, if you can draw out the guilt your human feels about making you unhappy, you may be able to leverage this into extra treats.

My buddy Anya was able to convince our humans that we need wet food daily, in addition to our dry food and dry treats. Anya is an expert at this. By being especially picky, she has ensured that the humans keep trying to find the exact best wet food for us. The tastiest kind.

Anya isn’t faking her choosy nature. She is picky. Sometimes she will sniff her wet food bowl and walk away without so much as a lick. She never minds if I follow behind and finish her share of the serving. This is a win for both of us.

My suggestion: pout a little when the couch disappears. Meowing your distress is also a good touch.

Allow yourself to be enticed by good tasting morsels. Give a little affection back when the extra attention is lavished on you but be careful about it. Make your human work for it so they see that the couch removal wounded you. Don’t hide your pain.

Hopefully, by following this strategy, your human will be careful about removing items from your house in the future. Not only that but you will be able to increase the special treat flow. In our case it was wet food, in yours it could be something else you like a lot.

Xander

If you like this, check out a previous Dear Xander Column.