Dear Xander: The Case of the Locked Up Feline

Xander the cat offers advice to confused felines.

Dear Xander is an advice column for feline readers. If you have a question for Xander, please leave it in the comments and he will answer in a future column.

Dear Xander:

There is a lot of change happening at my house. I don’t understand why my human is letting all this banging and stuff go on.

It started with boxes. I love boxes, of course, but they kept putting things inside of the boxes. Things that were supposed to be in cupboards and on top of tables. Then the boxes went into the big room downstairs.

Then I went into the big room downstairs! My food and water and litter box were down there so I didn’t see a problem until the door shut behind me!

I could hear my humans upstairs. I could hear other humans upstairs, too! Strangers in my house!

Later, after the noise calmed down, my human opened the door. When I went upstairs, stuff smelled different and things were changed.

My human kept mumbling things at me in a calm voice. How could she be calm? The house smelled strange! I let her pet me, of course, and give me treats. But then it happened again the next day!

Over and over, day after day, I am locked up in the room downstairs. Noises happen over my head, on the other side of the door. I meow loud and proud, hoping she will hear me and let me out.

I need to know what is happening. How is she safe? She should be with me on my side of the door if the dumb door must be closed at all.

It is one thing to be locked up in a room when your humans leave the house. It is a very different thing when your human is in the house and you aren’t there to watch over her.

Do you know of any way I can get that door open?

On the Wrong Side of the Door

Dear OTWSOTD:

I understand. My buddy Anya and I have been locked up a few times like that. It is horrible.

I don’t think you can get the door open. I never have.

You say you are downstairs with a bunch of boxes when this happens. I hope there is a soft pillow to lay on. Are there any windows so you can at least lay in the sunlight?

I was once locked up in a room with no windows. Anya wanted to cuddle but I didn’t feel like it. We each had a soft rug to lay on so that is what we did.

Sometimes I jumped up on the counter so I would be as high up as possible if the door opened. I had to protect Anya. It sounds like you are an only cat. Take heart: you only have yourself to protect if an intruder comes into the room.

When your human is getting ready to leave you in the room, you could paw at it. Try to let her know you would like to hear sounds in the room to keep you company. I like hearing voices talking. Anya likes music.

I hope your human put toys and other stuff to explore in the room with you. If your favorites aren’t in the room with you, move them into the room stealthily when your human isn’t looking. Then you can play with them the next time you on the wrong side of that door.

Is there one of the boxes that makes noise in the room with you? We have a box that makes noise and has movement on the front. It is weird to hear animal noises without the smells. I got used to it, though. Sometimes when my human is gone, it is on to keep me company.

There is another box that makes noises but doesn’t have movement. Sometimes that is on when my human is home. One time she put that little box in a room with us when we were stuck behind the door. Having noise inside the room with us was distracting.

One of those feral cats that comes in our yard told me there is special music, especially for felines. I’ve never heard the music before. I keep wishing my human would play some. That might be nice to hear if you were stuck in a room.

Other than that, I don’t have a lot of advice. I usually meow a little when I am locked up and then give up. Humans are going to let you out on their schedule, not on yours. It isn’t fair but it is the life of an indoor cat.

We gave up a lot to be indoor cats but I wouldn’t change it for anything. Those strange feral cats are out in the rain and in the heat. They hunt for their food, instead of getting it in their bowl. Where I live, water is hard to find.

It is better being an indoor feline. It just is.

Try to remember that when you are locked up. I am so sorry this is happening to you but try to make the best of it.

Xander

Dear Xander:

I heard someone say that she’s ‘not a cat person’. What does that even mean?

Exasperated and Offended

Dear EAO:

If you ever hear that again, I hope you will march over and try to show the person the error of their ways. Try and get as much fur on them as is possible. Rub your scent on their legs. Really pay attention to them.

If they try to rub your tummy or in any other way annoy you, feel free to hiss and run away. Scratching and biting are a last resort when someone is being mean. Remember that. Save the big guns for people who try to hold you against your will or are threatening you.

It is your job as a feline to show them the error of their ways. Make sure they are covered in your fur if possible. Don’t go crazy. No licking or purring unless they earn it.

Ridiculous humans don’t know any better. It is up to us to show them our superiority.

Xander

If you liked Xander’s advice, you may like one of his other columns: