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Abstract

the longer I wait to lasso it in, the further away it travels from me.After I take out the recycling, which is my nickname for writing my morning pages, I confront the blank screen. What should I write about? I ask myself. When myself doesn’t answer, I read other articles, to jumpstart my curiosity engine. I remind myself that these are my peers, not my competition. These people are here to inspire me, not make me feel inferior.There are mini-experts everywhere. How awesome is that? Some writers research complex topics, and voila, they write these amazing 6–10 minute reads. I can’t do that. But is this what I want to do? No. This is not me. Maybe it’s you.There are people who write about sex with lucidity and know-how and this is also not me. I’m sort of a verbal prude. When I write down a swear word, I feel like I’m being naughty, so writing about sex is unfathomable. But do I admire it? Of course. It’s brave. It’s interesting. Some people do it really well.There are also many people who write about marketing, technology, and biotechnology, and I skim. I try to hook in, thinking that this is something I should know about. Why? I’m not sure. Are they smarter than I am? I wonder. Maybe. Does it matter? Not really. That’s them, not me.Throughout the day, the more I read, the more I figure out who I am, but seeing who I am not. Should I write like she? Should I write like he? Who is my we? I’m very Doctor Zeussy in my search for me. This is the difficulty of being a sponge. Any me seems possible. He, she, or we could be me.So who are you on Medium? Who are any of us? Do we write about one thing or everything? Sometimes, when I send work to a publication and they reject it, I think they don’t like me, the person. But then I remember to ask, “Do I like them?” Is this even where my work belongs, or am I merely pretending my work belongs here? And why am I pretending? And who am I pretending for? It’s like dressing up for someone else’s date. It’s absurd.What is that impulse to get people to like us, who we don’t like? Or people to see you, who you ba

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rely see? People to understand you, who you do not bother to understand?Don’t get me wrong. You can learn a lot by putting yourself out there, trying new styles, connecting with the unfamiliar, curating your work for different types of publications. But like a girl I went to high school with, wrote in my yearbook, “Stay real, Amy.” It seemed silly at the time. Now I think she was a genius.Don’t measure yourself by acceptance or rejection. Measure yourself by your own efforts. Understand your own motivations. Are you trying to grow? Or are you grasping for approval? Are you being you? Or are you trying to be someone else?If you truly aspire to be part of publications that do not currently value your work, research them. Learn about them. When they tell you to read the guidelines carefully, they aren't joking. They’re giving you information. They’re telling you what they want. Who they are. If you ignore it, that’s on you.Imagine that you’re a waitress. Someone orders a lobster but you really like the steak, so you bring them a steak. They say, “I ordered the lobster.” You say, “Yeah, but the steak is better.”As a writer, get to know yourself. Get to know what you like. Be like the customer who knows what she ordered. Nurture that part of yourself, the part that intuitively knows she likes lobster. You can try the steak, but don’t pay for it. It’s not what you ordered.Study you. Practice you. Get better at who you already are. Don’t get better at being who someone else is. On Medium, you can wear many hats. You can write about fitness, humor, feelings. You can write poetry, politics, sex. But write through your own eyes.Pretending is amazing. I wear way more interesting outfits when I’m pretending to be someone else. Look at Halloween. Amazing clothes. Mardi Gras. Don’t get me started. But learn to notice the difference between pretending as creativity, and pretending as self-loathing. Because “Gosh darn it, you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and trust me, a lot of people already love your work, even if they forget to applaud.”</article></body>

Writing Advice/Self-Love

Dear Writers, Don’t Waste Your Time Being Someone Else

If Editors Ask for the Lobster, Don’t Bring Them the Steak

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” (Stewart Smiley)

Pretending is wonderful. Pretending is survival, especially when you’re a spy. Pretending is essential when you’re in the Witness Protection Program. However, pretending that you’re someone different from who you are, isn’t great for writing. Unless you’re pretending to be a character, briefly.

Let me explain. You do you. Finding out who you are as a writer and valuing that, is money is the self-love bank. For instance, I can be funny, but I’m not funny like Chris Rock, or Tina Fey. I’m funny like me. I’m funny because of my accumulated experiences as a human being, which have caused me to reach certain conclusions about the state of the world.

To love your own work, you need to love you first.

I don’t know about you, but when I wake up at 5, I know exactly who I am. By eleven, if I’m not careful, I may not recognize myself in a lineup. Why? Because I might make the grave error of comparing myself to other people and valuing them more than I value me. When I do that, I disappear.

Occasionally, I’m disappointed by life. Mainly disappointed that I didn’t wake up in my beachfront villa in Hawaii, but that’s another story.

When I wake up, the best thing I can do to stop myself from getting lost, is to run to the first blank sheet of paper and scribble down the words from my morning brain. It’s similar to writing down a dream in the sense that the longer I wait to lasso it in, the further away it travels from me.

After I take out the recycling, which is my nickname for writing my morning pages, I confront the blank screen. What should I write about? I ask myself. When myself doesn’t answer, I read other articles, to jumpstart my curiosity engine. I remind myself that these are my peers, not my competition. These people are here to inspire me, not make me feel inferior.

There are mini-experts everywhere. How awesome is that? Some writers research complex topics, and voila, they write these amazing 6–10 minute reads. I can’t do that. But is this what I want to do? No. This is not me. Maybe it’s you.

There are people who write about sex with lucidity and know-how and this is also not me. I’m sort of a verbal prude. When I write down a swear word, I feel like I’m being naughty, so writing about sex is unfathomable. But do I admire it? Of course. It’s brave. It’s interesting. Some people do it really well.

There are also many people who write about marketing, technology, and biotechnology, and I skim. I try to hook in, thinking that this is something I should know about. Why? I’m not sure. Are they smarter than I am? I wonder. Maybe. Does it matter? Not really. That’s them, not me.

Throughout the day, the more I read, the more I figure out who I am, but seeing who I am not. Should I write like she? Should I write like he? Who is my we? I’m very Doctor Zeussy in my search for me. This is the difficulty of being a sponge. Any me seems possible. He, she, or we could be me.

So who are you on Medium? Who are any of us? Do we write about one thing or everything? Sometimes, when I send work to a publication and they reject it, I think they don’t like me, the person. But then I remember to ask, “Do I like them?” Is this even where my work belongs, or am I merely pretending my work belongs here? And why am I pretending? And who am I pretending for? It’s like dressing up for someone else’s date. It’s absurd.

What is that impulse to get people to like us, who we don’t like? Or people to see you, who you barely see? People to understand you, who you do not bother to understand?

Don’t get me wrong. You can learn a lot by putting yourself out there, trying new styles, connecting with the unfamiliar, curating your work for different types of publications. But like a girl I went to high school with, wrote in my yearbook, “Stay real, Amy.” It seemed silly at the time. Now I think she was a genius.

Don’t measure yourself by acceptance or rejection. Measure yourself by your own efforts. Understand your own motivations. Are you trying to grow? Or are you grasping for approval? Are you being you? Or are you trying to be someone else?

If you truly aspire to be part of publications that do not currently value your work, research them. Learn about them. When they tell you to read the guidelines carefully, they aren't joking. They’re giving you information. They’re telling you what they want. Who they are. If you ignore it, that’s on you.

Imagine that you’re a waitress. Someone orders a lobster but you really like the steak, so you bring them a steak. They say, “I ordered the lobster.” You say, “Yeah, but the steak is better.”

As a writer, get to know yourself. Get to know what you like. Be like the customer who knows what she ordered. Nurture that part of yourself, the part that intuitively knows she likes lobster. You can try the steak, but don’t pay for it. It’s not what you ordered.

Study you. Practice you. Get better at who you already are. Don’t get better at being who someone else is. On Medium, you can wear many hats. You can write about fitness, humor, feelings. You can write poetry, politics, sex. But write through your own eyes.

Pretending is amazing. I wear way more interesting outfits when I’m pretending to be someone else. Look at Halloween. Amazing clothes. Mardi Gras. Don’t get me started. But learn to notice the difference between pretending as creativity, and pretending as self-loathing. Because “Gosh darn it, you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and trust me, a lot of people already love your work, even if they forget to applaud.”