Dear White Women, You Can’t “Smash the Patriarchy” and Perpetuate It Simultaneously

You also can’t smash it without destroying capitalism and white supremacy

“Smash the Patriarchy,” white feminists say, with clubs in hand as they swing from the rafters within the boundaries of our patriarchal system. Their outspoken cries of so-called “freedom” from the patriarchy refuse to be heard by anti-racist feminists, though. White feminist screams fall on deaf ears not because people aren’t interested but because they become muffled by the oppressive octave of white supremacy, capitalism, and the replication of the thing white feminists fight against, patriarchy.

I was on a flight, and I was super excited to enjoy part two of my wedding anniversary trip with my beloved husband. After boarding our flight, we sat in front of a family of three: a white woman and her two kids. Shortly after sitting down, it became apparent that “Karen” was on our flight. She talked loudly with another passenger and criticized another mom for not “doing the right thing” to pacify her crying baby. She quickly asked the flight attendant to tell me to put my mask back on after sneezing into a napkin, even though I already had it on at that point. And despite not being in first-class, she refused to go to the “back of the plane” to use the lavatory. Karen was seriously out of control and on overdrive. The sad irony was she was equally obnoxious and oppressive to her children.

There was a lot of commotion behind us, and Karen was seemingly intent on being heard: loud, proud, and in charge. Some of the background noise was about seating preference. Her son asked if he could sit next to the window, she responded with a resounding “NO.” When asked why, Karen curtly replied, “because I’m the adult.” The most upsetting remarks were around her son’s homework, though. The boy was clearly having a hard time with his math assignment, and instead of demonstrating grace and patience for her child, Karen became angry and annoyed. She expressed her annoyance by telling her kid that he was performing at “garbage level.” Karen said many more upsetting things to her children, but I digress.

I’ve heard of having a bad day — which is a specious argument to describe this scenario and others like it — but sadly, I could understand and believe the toxin that my ears had consumed. That destructive, narcissistic, and entitled behavior is all too common among white people with unchecked and unexamined internalized white supremacy, classism, and patriarchy. And there are hundreds, if not thousands, of videos that serve as evidence.

So let’s break down three oppressive systems, ideologies, and beliefs that Karen perpetuated and why it’s incumbent for us to examine our relationship to them.

The Conjoined Twins: Capitalism and Racism

The first two oppressive attitudes Karen perpetuated are classism and anti-Blackness, which are connected to capitalism and racism. Karen made her preferred class position clear when she refused to go to the back of the plane to use the lavatory and instead stormed her way to the front. Apparently, she usually traveled in first-class but had to settle on middle class/Delta comfort this time due to lack of inventory. Given Karen’s outward expression of class prejudice, I think we can confidently deduce that her disdain for the back of the plane includes contempt for people of lower social class status.

Karen’s class contempt highlights a historical core value of capitalism: a capitalist and elite class position is desirable, and a lower-class status is inconsequential. Moreover, the history of whiteness is intrinsically connected to class. To maintain power and control, American capitalists have historically allowed working-class whites access to material goods such as lands and authoritative titles like ‘Slave Patrols.’ In other words, capitalists granted affirmative action to poor working-class whites based on their (white) skin color. Therefore, even if white people are poor, they could psychologically bank on cashing in on their whiteness — a deeply rooted psychological practice that Karens elicit today.

Karen’s obnoxious attitude not only normalized class contempt in front of her kids, but it evoked the historical connection between whiteness, class, and anti-Blackness. Classist attitudes arise from exploitative capitalist practices. Capitalism cannot exist without exploiting resources, including labor, land, and people. And capitalism cannot live without race and anti-Blackness because those facets are cemented in its foundation. As anti-racist scholar Ibram X. Kendi pointed out, they are “conjoined twins.”

It’s no wonder that the NAACP issued a “national travel advisory” in 2017 to Black flyers, warning them of anti-Black discriminatory practices by airlines. One racist incident involved a Black woman being removed from her first-class seat and into coach to accommodate another (likely white) passenger. This exploitative anti-Black practice is only sustained by white feminist Karens who feel entitled to first-class, thus creating a hostile anti-Black environment for Black flyers. Therefore, we cannot talk about class without discussing race and vice versa; where there is a class problem, there is also a race problem, specifically a whiteness problem. Despite not openly talking about race, “Klassist Karen” reinforced exploitative classist and anti-Black sentiments while resting on the laurels of her whiteness.

Paternal Patty uses the “Master’s Tools”

In addition to normalizing her class and racial position in the Delta cabin, the white woman normalized what the late great Black feminist Audre Lorde called “The Master’s Tools.” Paternalism is a tool of the patriarchy, and the woman on my flight was highly fluent in perpetuating it with her children and surrounding passengers.

White feminists, also known as Paternal Pattys, are dangerous to the notions of liberation because they often replicate the same paternal abuse projected at them and project it onto other people. Though we often think of fathers and men as paternal beings, white women are equally capable of embodying paternal attitudes. The white woman on my flight was the complete and utter embodiment of paternalism. Not only was she abusively managing her children, but she was also infantilizing and infringing on the autonomy of the surrounding passengers.

One of the main issues of paternalism is that it implements the tool of infantilization. This tool essentially dehumanizes people and strips them of all freedoms, including the freedom to be. And as Lorde so eloquently points out in her essay, when you use the master’s tools, “only the most narrow parameter of change [is] possible and allowable.” There was no freedom under Paternal Patty’s oppressive and watchful eye on that plane. Not for me, not for the surrounding passengers, and certainly not for her children.

White feminists like the woman on the plane that day are a menace and danger to liberation. Smashing the so-called patriarchy becomes a futile goal when white women, and anyone for that matter, use the master’s tools to either rebuild or dismantle the master’s house.

Class, racial, and paternal attitudes originate from exploitative systems, and they’re predicated on seeing people as unequal and disposable, including children. White feminists, Karens, and the like, are socializing their children with classist, racist, and paternalistic attitudes and are normalizing these oppressive ideas. News flash: You can’t “smash the patriarchy” and perpetuate it simultaneously, Karen. If you’re going to swing from the rafters calling an end to patriarchy, start by abolishing it within yourself first.

Joey Pierre is a race & class researcher, scholar, writer, and recovering addict of the patriarchy. You can also be in community with him on Instagram.