Dear Single Parents, Your Grudge Isn’t Your Child’s Grudge

Nor should it be.

I grew up being bounced back and forth between my two parents. I experienced plenty of things but one of the worst was dealing with my parents' dislike for each other.

My father didn’t generally have much to say but I remember my mom constantly talking trash about my father. Needless to say, I wasn’t a fan of this but I could hardly tell my mother to shut up. Even if that’s exactly what she deserved to be told.

There are a lot of single parents out there. I have nothing but respect for most of them but I definitely have an issue with some of them. That issue arises when you see that there are plenty of single parents who hate the other parent and do their best to instill that hate into their child. Just why?

You have friends who hang out with people you don’t like. Do you try and make them hate their friends? You have family members who hang out with people you don’t like. Do you try to make them hate those people? Maybe you do but I’m guessing in most cases, you don’t.

Why don’t you follow suit with your children? Why do your children need to hate their other parent as much as you do? Honestly, why do they need to hate them at all?

To some extent, I get it. I really do. Your significant other ditched you with a child or children and left you to take all the responsibility. They don’t help pay anything, they’re never there when you need them, and they probably just suck as people. There’s plenty of reasons for you not to like them.

The problem is that you aren’t your kid. That deadbeat parent may be a big moldy bag of rock-sucking bagels but your kid loves them anyway. That’s their parent, after all. Honestly, there really isn’t a love more unconditional than the love a child gives a parent.

It makes sense, their parents are their world for the longest time. They are taken care of by their parents. Their parents help them navigate through this terrifying world we live in. Their parents love them fiercely and protect them. Even the ones who aren’t there or are barely there.

In this world, most of us only get two people who are guaranteed to love us no matter what. Those are our parents. We’ll likely find friends and other people to love who will love us back but our parents are our first. They’re also the best because that love is unconditional. Why would you try to destroy that relationship?

From my own personal experience, my mother talking crap about my father only hurt me. I loved my father just as much as I loved her and I hate hearing people talk crap about people I love. I called a friend out for talking crap about my dad once. He had valid reasons to be upset but I wasn’t about to listen to it.

Think about that. You are actively hurting your kids when you sit there and demean their other parent. They don’t want to hear these bad things, even if they’re true. We’ll let kids believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy but we won’t let them believe their other parent is a good person?

Here’s the thing. You don’t need to turn your kid against the other parent. If they’re as bad as you think they are, they’ll turn on their own. When that deadbeat does their deadbeat thing, your kids will eventually figure it out. Let it happen naturally. There’s no need to encourage it.

Honestly, I don’t much see the point in spreading and fostering hate in your child’s heart. You're just giving them something to feel miserable about. If you love your kids, don’t try and make them hate their other parent.

There’s a saying we love to tell our kids that you should follow if you don’t have anything good to say about their other parent. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,”. Sound familiar? Practice what you preach.

Let your kid maintain their innocence towards that other parent for as long as possible. Let them be as happy as they can be for as long as possible.

The innocence will go away on its own, no need to hasten it.

I’ll end it off here and just ask you guys a question. What do you think?

Thank you for reading.

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