Dear Porn Industry

Some suggestions

I’m writing this open letter to the Porn Industry of the World, but more specifically the United States of America’s stake in the porn industry, to address some issues that seem problematic.

First, let’s be clear that I’m not part of your preferred demographic.

I’m a 61-year-old, white, non-monogamous, bisexual, cis-gendered woman. That said I’ve thoroughly, unashamedly enjoyed porn for many years. As such I’ve come up with some suggestions to improve your game. I’d also like to note that I’m seeing some definite improvements and want to applaud those. There are significantly more intact penises showing up in porn, and yes, it’s mostly in European porn but it’s still a clear improvement; keep it up (see what I did there?)! I’m also encouraged by the ever so occasional reappearance of pubic hair on women. There are still far too many women whose nether regions could be mistaken for a nine-year-old’s but let’s give credit where credit is due and hope for more luscious, furry, sexy mounds in the future.

In no particular order here is a list of things that might have once worked in porn but now need to be eliminated. Ready?

• Enhanced breasts especially those with noticeable scars
• Copious strings of spit
• Loud vocal gagging during fellatio
• Overacting by the women
• Stoic underacting by the men (let’s hear something when you cum anyway!)
• Cirque du Soleil acrobatics to get that perfect shot
• Women (or men in gay porn, too, I guess although I don’t see that as much) pushing wads of cum out of their mouths to run down their chins
• Freakishly enormous cocks (which never really get hard anyway)
• Throwing seductive gazes at the camera; pay attention to what you’re doing!
• French manicures especially with black tips
• Pushing those ungodly huge nails into any orifice
• Long, unbelievable “plots” before getting to what everyone is here to see
• Victoria’s Secret-type models in “lesbian” porn
• Bad lighting, either too glaringly much or not enough to see what’s going on (look at that acne!)
• Cheesy sets; how hard is it to rent a nice Air BnB for the afternoon?
• Drag queen make-up on the women
• Way way way too much hetero-porn; let’s get some hot queer action going!
• Stripper heels or gym socks that stay on after all other clothes hit the floor
• Relentless ramming of anything into any orifice; change things up, you’re boring us
• Treating nipples like radio dials

This is not a comprehensive list but it should give you an idea of what’s just no longer working for many (most?) porn aficionados.

May I suggest that you spend an enjoyable evening taking in the types of porn they’re producing in other parts of the world? A great example is the breathtaking work of Erika Lust, the multiple-award-winning Swedish erotic filmmaker who lives and works in Barcelona. This isn’t gauzy-focused soft porn for the ladies. Her sex is hot and wet and messy and fun and really really sexy. She also knows that a lot of us have had enough of what hetero guys think is a hot female body and fills her movies with all kinds of real bodies and every gender as well.

I hope this has been helpful. Clearly you’re not losing viewers or subscribers with the way you’re doing things now but you may want to be thinking ahead because not only are there more and more people like me making decisions about what to watch, there’s a whole nother generation of potential consumers coming of age and they’re not interested in their fathers’ porn.

Get with the times! You’re about to be old news.

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