Dear men: she’s not flirting, she’s working

Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of recognizing that customer service employees, particularly women, are often mistakenly perceived as flirting when they are simply performing their job duties, and it underscores the need for respectful customer interactions without harassment.

Abstract

The article "Dear men: she’s not flirting, she’s working" sheds light on the challenges faced by customer service workers, especially women, who are expected to maintain an excessively cheerful demeanor as part of their job. It criticizes the societal expectation that service workers must be unfailingly pleasant and the hostile work environment that can result from any deviation from this standard. The piece highlights the vulnerability of women in the workplace, where the requirement to be likable can lead to harassment, with customers mistaking professional courtesy for personal interest. The author stresses that customer service interactions should be devoid of inappropriate advances and that workers are entitled to a safe workplace free from harassment. The article concludes by reminding customers to be kind and respectful, acknowledging that service workers are not there to engage in personal relationships but to provide a service for which they are compensated.

Opinions

Customer service workers are often subjected to unreasonable expectations of constant happiness and are penalized for not meeting these standards.
The expectation for workers to be overly friendly opens the door to harassment, as customers may misinterpret professional behavior as personal interest.
Harassment in customer service settings is a serious issue, and workers, particularly women, are often in a vulnerable position due to their reliance on customer patronage and the potential career repercussions of rejecting advances.
Workers are not obligated to endure harassment as part of their job and should not be forced into a position where they feel compelled to accept inappropriate behavior to maintain their employment.

Dear men: she’s not flirting, she’s working

One of the most frustrating aspects of customer service is always having to be happy and not just happy but over-the-top psychotic I am smiling until my death happy.

I once worked in a store where I legitimately got written up for not smiling. The best part of that story? It was while I was sweeping the floors.

There’s this idea in customer service where the people serving you are meant to serve you — if they fail to be a servant then suddenly they’re not just bad at their jobs but also terrible people. We create a hostile environment where workers have to be super likable, otherwise they can be fired.

Not only is that a ridiculous request but it also allows room for harassment. It doesn’t matter if you think they think you’re special — there’s no room to harass someone because you’ve trapped them in a public sphere. It doesn’t matter that you’re super attracted to them or that they’re being super nice. A woman in the workplace is a woman who is vulnerable because of her job.

The actual cost of harassing customer service

The nice girl probably isn’t even being a nice girl. She’s probably being told to be polite because she’s working. This doesn’t mean she has a crush on you. She doesn’t smile because she thinks you’re gorgeous, she probably wants you to take your shit and go, just like the next person. It doesn’t make her a bitch. It makes her an employee seeing countless people in an eight hour shift.

That’s why you’re just a blip in her day. I’m sorry that doesn’t make you feel special but it doesn’t have to. Just pay for your product and move on.

What if she reacts?

What if she doesn’t? A girl being harassed in public usually can’t do much besides laughing it off. If the issue becomes extreme she pay fight back but chances are she won’t have the opportunity to do so. If you’re flirting with a poor woman who’s working she is relying on your patronage for her paycheck and you’ve essentially trapped her in a public space where any form of rejection can be detrimental to her career. She can’t leave.

So what does this mean?

It means be kind. If you have a genuine connection to someone then that’s great but there’s other ways to reach out to them. A worker is a worker — they are not your friend, they are not your slave, they do not exist to cater to your whims. They are there to deliver the service that they have effectively worked for because you paid them, not for anything else.

Does this mean there’s no human connection? Absolutely not. But a woman or anyone who is working under a power dynamic can’t give you a genuine opinion when you have the power to get them fired. They’ve worked for their jobs and it’s not your choice to make it difficult for them.

Does this mean the worker gets to be a dick to you? No, a worker is obliged to be respectful because society expects us to be respectful. But being respectful is not the same as being open to bullshit.