Satire

Dear Medium, Let Me into The $100 Club

A letter to the Medium team

Hi Medium!

How are ya? I hope you’re doing really well because I sure am. That’s because I’m well on my way to joining the $100 club!

I’m only about $40 shy of reaching it and I’ve got a little over a week to do it. This means that I have to drop some serious heat and get that member read time!

If you wouldn’t mind playing around with the algorithm and redirecting all of the traffic away from Tim Denning and Ayodeji Awosika and towards my page, that would be fan-freakin’ tastic!

I’ve been posting on your platform for nearly six months now and I think I’ve got the hang of it. I pay attention to your curation guidelines, never plagiarize, and spread positivity throughout the community.

What’s not to love?

More important than making $100 this month, could you help me reach 1,000 followers too? It shouldn’t be that hard to reactivate some inactive accounts to automatically follow my page.

You guys would make my year! (and it’s been a pretty good year for me despite Corona).

I want to be part of the 5.6% (percentage of writers who make $100/month on Medium). That 5.6% is the elite! Regardless of whether they made it on thirty decent articles or three kickass articles, I want in!

Can’t you see my passion? Don’t you love the fire in my veins? I am the perfect candidate for your $100 club.

So if you could do me a favor and let me in, I won’t disappoint you!

Thanks!

— Jordan Mendiola :)