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Abstract

c">He won’t do it to someone else.</p><p id="b0cb">Jack will live out his days, in his ‘<i>hardwired to happiness</i>’ way, indifferent to the world.</p><p id="2606">The grief of his disability is on me, not him. He is joyous without the need for words.</p><h2 id="b387">To the daughter I never had</h2><figure id="e050"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*EpGNn3Nowm7afC5R"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@eyeforebony?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Eye for Ebony</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="ef25">Today I realized I am grateful.</p><p id="d315">Grateful that God didn’t give me the daughter I ached for.</p><p id="4b5c">Grateful that she didn’t grow up watching how her Dad treated me</p><p id="2faa">Grateful that she won’t go into the world thinking that is normal.</p><p id="fa41">Grateful it won’t happen to her.</p><p id="0fed">Grateful she is safe.</p><p id="c7d9">Grateful.</p><div id="7d25" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/

Options

why-i-started-again-with-a-pen-name-2cfef6ec1245"> <div> <div> <h2>Why I started again with a pen name</h2> <div><h3>The google search that scared the crap out of me</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Ei1HWfuOl2waJRxR)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="fde8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-final-text-8c4569a52f9d"> <div> <div> <h2>The Final Text</h2> <div><h3>The price I paid to finally put an end to to decades of narcissistic abuse</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*dO58MOx5uc5g_szby1WdeA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Dear Matilda

I’m so grateful you never met your Dad

My name is not Matilda. It is not safe for me to write under my real name.

Matilda is the name my son “Jack” would have had, had he been a girl.

It is also the name I had picked for a baby girl in the four pregnancies that came and went before Jack was born.

The son I had

Jack is an only child. Jack is severely intellectually disabled.

Jack can’t talk.

Yet, Jack has changed the world.

How?

Jack has broken the cycle. Jack will never marry or have children. Jack will never take what he was taught, by observing the way his father treated me, and think its normal.

He won’t do it to someone else.

Jack will live out his days, in his ‘hardwired to happiness’ way, indifferent to the world.

The grief of his disability is on me, not him. He is joyous without the need for words.

To the daughter I never had

Today I realized I am grateful.

Grateful that God didn’t give me the daughter I ached for.

Grateful that she didn’t grow up watching how her Dad treated me

Grateful that she won’t go into the world thinking that is normal.

Grateful it won’t happen to her.

Grateful she is safe.

Grateful.

Why I started again with a pen name

The google search that scared the crap out of me

medium.com

The Final Text

The price I paid to finally put an end to to decades of narcissistic abuse

medium.com