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Abstract

takes can stay in the past if you keep your eyes on your goal and adjust as necessary. Plus, we learn best from our mistakes. I guarantee at some point you’ll mess up a job or a relationship, and you’ll regret your choices, but what we learn and how we grow from it is more important that the mistakes we make.Don’t be afraid to take risks. If you never try something, you will never succeed at it. It may beyond your comfort zone, but the goal in life is to expand that zone and keep learning. So talk to that person at a party that interests you, sign up for a class that has nothing to do with your major, and above all else, embrace failure. As you know, I’ve failed many, many times, but I’ve also learned from those experiences, and I’m more successful as a mom, wife, and author because of it.Find the positive and breathe. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day or week or month, but rather, that every failure, every mistake, every risk has an upside if you look for it. Let those guide and drive you. Our lives may stretch before us in a linear way, but living doesn’t. You will have false starts and backward slides, and that’s okay. It’s great even, because life would be absolutely boring if everything went exactly how we wanted it to.Be compassionate to yourself and others. Say ‘no’ if it protects your mental well-being or that of your loved ones. Self-care is important: sleep, food, hydration.More importantly, the way you treat yourself is how others will treat you, too. Hold yourself and thos

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e around you to standards you are proud of. Speak up and out when you see injustice. Be brave, my love, because sometimes what we know is right in our heart is frowned on by those around us.Some say that who you are when no one is watching is more important than who you are when others are present. I disagree. Being able to stand before a group and challenge them is brave. Live your convictions. Stand up and claim your stance. Be true to yourself privately and publicly.Admit you’re wrong when you are wrong. Apologize and figure out how to move forward because keeping score and dwelling isn’t healthy. Sometimes, though, an apology won’t be enough, and this will wreck you. You will need to figure out how to move on — especially if you hurt someone you respect or love. One of life’s toughest lessons is that sometimes you hurt someone so badly that you need to part ways. Your heart will break, but with time, you will be whole again. I promise.I’m sure that at some time in the future we will disagree, and I will make you angry. I may even question your decisions, but never, ever forget that I will always love you as you are, no matter what.When I look at you, I can still see the baby who fearlessly believed he could climb the tallest play structure. You are still that boy (even with your beard). You have been given many gifts and blessings, and nothing is holding you back right now. Seize the opportunity. Live your life loudly and fully.I love you,Mom</article></body>

Dear Leo, Some Mom Advice

A letter to my son as he starts college

Photo credit: Mia Hayes, author’s private collection

Dear Leo,

Since the day you were born, I felt you’ve been moving away from me. You walked at ten months and not long after I chased you all over Golden Gate Park as you tried to climb the biggest play structure.

You’ve always been in a hurry — like graduating a year early.

This journey hasn’t been easy for you. There were days when POTS kept you in bed and in pain. Sometimes your independent streak was a little too big, but I’ve always admired it. Now, you’re following a dream you’ve had since you were three when I gave you a hammer and a broken TV.

You’ve always wanted to take apart broken things and make them whole again.

I can’t count the number of times you’ve picked me and our entire family up. You are our glue and that’s not a fair thing to ask a kid, but buddy, thank you. Thank you for seeing our wholeness when all I saw was a pile of rubble. Thank you for believing in me as a mom. Thank you for being wonderful, big-hearted you.

As you start college, I have some motherly advice for you.

I could tell you that today is the first day of your life, but really, every day is. Every day is a chance to get up and do better. Don’t forget that. Mistakes can stay in the past if you keep your eyes on your goal and adjust as necessary. Plus, we learn best from our mistakes. I guarantee at some point you’ll mess up a job or a relationship, and you’ll regret your choices, but what we learn and how we grow from it is more important that the mistakes we make.

Don’t be afraid to take risks. If you never try something, you will never succeed at it. It may beyond your comfort zone, but the goal in life is to expand that zone and keep learning. So talk to that person at a party that interests you, sign up for a class that has nothing to do with your major, and above all else, embrace failure. As you know, I’ve failed many, many times, but I’ve also learned from those experiences, and I’m more successful as a mom, wife, and author because of it.

Find the positive and breathe. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day or week or month, but rather, that every failure, every mistake, every risk has an upside if you look for it. Let those guide and drive you. Our lives may stretch before us in a linear way, but living doesn’t. You will have false starts and backward slides, and that’s okay. It’s great even, because life would be absolutely boring if everything went exactly how we wanted it to.

Be compassionate to yourself and others. Say ‘no’ if it protects your mental well-being or that of your loved ones. Self-care is important: sleep, food, hydration.

More importantly, the way you treat yourself is how others will treat you, too. Hold yourself and those around you to standards you are proud of. Speak up and out when you see injustice. Be brave, my love, because sometimes what we know is right in our heart is frowned on by those around us.

Some say that who you are when no one is watching is more important than who you are when others are present. I disagree. Being able to stand before a group and challenge them is brave. Live your convictions. Stand up and claim your stance. Be true to yourself privately and publicly.

Admit you’re wrong when you are wrong. Apologize and figure out how to move forward because keeping score and dwelling isn’t healthy. Sometimes, though, an apology won’t be enough, and this will wreck you. You will need to figure out how to move on — especially if you hurt someone you respect or love. One of life’s toughest lessons is that sometimes you hurt someone so badly that you need to part ways. Your heart will break, but with time, you will be whole again. I promise.

I’m sure that at some time in the future we will disagree, and I will make you angry. I may even question your decisions, but never, ever forget that I will always love you as you are, no matter what.

When I look at you, I can still see the baby who fearlessly believed he could climb the tallest play structure. You are still that boy (even with your beard). You have been given many gifts and blessings, and nothing is holding you back right now. Seize the opportunity. Live your life loudly and fully.

I love you,

Mom