Summary

"Dear Jonica" is a new interactive column by The Bad Influence, featuring agony aunt Jonica, who offers advice based on her extensive life experience and psychological expertise.

Abstract

The Bad Influence has introduced "Dear Jonica," an advice column featuring Jonica, a seasoned psychology enthusiast with over 45 years of experience. Jonica, known for her vast knowledge and ability to provide valuable counsel, addresses readers' concerns with empathy and practical wisdom. Her background includes a tumultuous past in Germany, hustling in Hollywood, and currently managing a goat ranch in Texas. The column invites anonymous questions and provides public answers, aiming to help individuals navigate their feelings, especially during times of change and loss. Jonica encourages readers to acknowledge and process their emotions, including grief and fear, before focusing on gratitude and positive changes. She emphasizes the importance of controlling one's reactions to emotions and suggests finding joy in the small things.

Opinions

Jonica's father acknowledges her vast amount of trivial knowledge, suggesting a familial recognition of her wisdom.
Jonica believes that loss is a form of change and that change, while scary, should not be judged as inherently good or bad.
She advocates for self-compassion, permitting oneself to grieve, and the importance of feeling all emotions without distraction.
Jonica views the concept of "counting your blessings" as a step that should follow the acknowledgment of losses and changes, to avoid dismissing one's feelings.
She encourages readers to nurture feelings of hope and excitement and to seek out what makes them feel good, safe, and whole.
Jonica personally fears lightning but takes control by managing her environment, illustrating her philosophy of focusing on what one can control to alleviate fear.
She expresses gratitude for her experiences, including grief, as evidence of having loved ones.
Jonica's approach to dealing with emotions is to fully experience them, understand reactions, and recognize the neutrality of change, advocating for a balanced emotional life.

The Bad Influence Presents

Dear Jonica

The world’s most formidable Agony Aunt

An Introduction to ‘Dear Jonica’

A brand new interactive column from TBI

‘Dear Jonica’ is our in-house agony aunt. She offers real advice for the desperate, downtrodden, and hard of hearing.

Jonica is a psychology aficionado with 45+ years of involvement in the field. She has led a very full, very rich life, rife with experience. It’s rumored she may have been very bad indeed growing up in Germany. She learned how to hustle on the streets of Hollywood and now runs a mini-empire of goats from her ranch in Texas.

Known for giving great advice, Jonica dispenses pearls of wisdom to anyone who’ll listen. To date, Jonica has saved sheep, friends, influencers, and family members thousands of dollars in therapy. She has had very few unhappy customers.

Her father has been quoted as saying “Jonica has a vast amount of trivial knowledge.”

Always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on, listen, and offer friendly hugs, Jonica has broad shoulders, big ears, and long arms.

‘Dear Jonica’ is a column for anonymous questions and public answers.

Ask Jonica a question by sending an e-mail to [email protected].

Truth lies in wait in the’ Dear Jonica’ column published EXCLUSIVELY in The Bad Influence.

Before you feel good, pay attention to what makes you feel bad.

May 9, 2020

CH from California writes,

“Dear Jonica,

So much in the world is changing — both externally and internally. How can I deal with all the feelings arising from all these changes and losses, while also having moments of hope and excitement for the new?”

Dear CH from California,

That is a big question. I will try to give you a big answer.

Loss is never easy to deal with. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, or loss of familiar routine, loss of employment, income, loss of control, or the loss of freedom to move about your country freely.

Loss is change. Change can be scary.

My advice is to really think about the changes happening in your life. Try not to judge the changes. Try not to label them good or bad. Think about what you have lost recently. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to grieve. Allow yourself to really feel all the feelings. Even the scary ones.

If you are a writer or a journal keeper, write out the feelings. If you aren’t into writing, just make a list in your mind. Maybe just one a day, though so you don’t feel overwhelmed. After you have written down your losses or made a list in your mind and after you have allowed yourself to feel whatever feelings crop up without distraction, look around yourself.

See everything you have gained over your life. Think about everything you are grateful for. Write it down, or list it in your mind.

“Count your blessings” can feel trite or dismissive. That’s why I recommend paying attention to your losses and changes first. You won’t be dismissing your feelings. You won’t be suppressing them or ignoring them. You won’t be trying to change what you feel. You will be paying attention to your thoughts and feelings which you may perceive as negative states of being.

So many of us have been raised to believe painful emotions are negative. I have come to believe, and I’m sure you’ve heard this many times in many ways, it is how we react to how we feel which can be problematic.

Pay attention to your emotion and thought patterns. Figure out what gives you hope. What excites you. Nurture those feelings. Find the silver linings where you can. Count your blessings. List your gratitude. Seek out what makes you feel good, safe, whole.

But pay attention to the “bad”, first. Acknowledge your emotions. If you feel happy and silly and enthusiastic, allow your voice to rise in volume. Smile. Dance. Celebrate. If you are grieving, allow yourself to cry or rage or shake your fist at the heavens. If you are scared, acknowledge that fear. Examine it.

What are you truly afraid of? Whether your fear is reasonable (I’m afraid I will catch Covid 19 because I touch my face) or less reasonable (I’m afraid a meteor will hit me in the face) or completely unreasonable (I’m afraid dinosaurs will eat my face) recognize what you are afraid of. Recognize what you can and can’t control. You might find a resolution to your fear.

I am terrified of lightning. I feel the lightning knows just where I am and wants to eat my face. I cannot control lightning, for Pete’s sake!

But I can control my environment. I can close the curtains, face away from the flashing, put on an eye mask. I jump a little and cringe when I see lightning on pt.. or in the movies. I can control whether I keep watching or not.

I can learn to control my reaction to lightning. I can control my reaction to fear.

Part of that is recognizing how grateful I am to have a roof over my head and blackout curtains, how grateful I am for an understanding bed partner who will not complain when I need to sleep with the lights on.

I am grateful for my grief at losing loved ones. It means I had loved ones. It means I loved.

In a nutshell, let yourself feel. Recognize your feelings. Unpack them and really feel them. Then, nurture your hopes and excitement. Count your blessings. Realize change is neither good nor bad. It just is. Celebrate the little things. Examine your reactions to your feelings and figure out what you can and can’t control. Smile. Cry. Dance. Laugh. Hide. Just feel.

Love,

Jonica

If you have a question or need advice please feel free to send an email to

[email protected]

Special thanks to Reuben Salsa The Dark Gourd Chris Hedges Edward Anderson and Kristen Hill