Dear Guy In The Walmart Parking Lot Who Ridiculed Me For Masking

You and those like you have changed me

You didn’t look at me in anger, or appear threatening to me in any way. The wrinkles around your eyes showed that in your life you have laughed often. Your face also showed your life probably has not been easy.

For some reason, it amused you I was wearing a mask. I think you may have pitied me. Maybe for being what you would call a sheep?

I couldn’t hear exactly what you said, unfortunately, because your Southern accent was strong and your voice fairly quiet. Maybe you thought a mask wasn’t needed because I was outside, maybe because no one else was within six feet of me, maybe because you are a conspiracy theorist, maybe it is a political thing, maybe the thought of wearing it creates anxiety and you don’t want to be alone, or maybe you because think the scientists and the medical community don’t know what the heck they are talking about. It doesn’t matter, really.

After walking by me you walked by another woman getting out of her car. She was also masked. I didn’t hear what you said to her either, but I clearly heard her response.

“I guess I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

I thought about you on my drive home. I wondered who you were and why this was a thing with you. I didn’t feel singled out. It appeared this was your common behavior.

I lost a friend to COVID-19 the weekend before last. I hadn’t even known she was sick. You would have loved her. She smiled all the time. When things were good, when things were tough — she found humor and joy. She made this world so much better. She was a person who gave of herself to make the lives of others better. She was ten years younger than me.

She had a teenaged daughter that was the apple of her eye and a husband that adored her. Their worlds are upside down. Their dreams as a family shattered.

Then I found out last night another friend has been in the hospital for 50 days fighting the coronavirus. I hadn’t known about that either. She is now in a rehab center learning how to walk again. She also is younger than me. You probably haven’t heard of these stories, have you?

I could go on and on about the people I know or know of who have had their lives shattered by COVID. I love to laugh, but in this, I can’t find the funny.

When people have made negative comments to me in the past, I felt the need to have conversations. To tell them stories about why it was important. I was feisty and direct, appealing to their humanity and sense of logic.

After a lot of these conversations, I am tired. I have learned that since your argument is not based on logic, a logical response will not change your mind.

For a few brief moments, I thought I wouldn’t care if anti-maskers got the virus. Perhaps they deserved it. I was wrong. I have seen anti-maskers get COVID time and time again and even when I didn’t like the person, I cared. We all do stupid things sometimes. I didn’t want them in pain. And scared.

I’ve known many who were hospitalized. The idea of anyone fighting to breathe breaks my heart. Breathing separates the living from the dead. To be at that brink must be terrifying. A few have shared their thoughts when in the midst of it, and you could hear the underlying fear.

I wish I could say I was perfect in my mask usage. Unfortunately, I am far from it. I get careless. I get tired of wearing it. I go to restaurants and bars and keep it off longer than necessary. I get complacent. No one who I care about would put me at risk, right? That’s how I act sometimes, even knowing it is not true. They wouldn’t knowingly, but I have found that many still don’t understand very much about the disease.

A relative of mine was going all around town unmasked when he was in the midst of COVID. He didn’t know. The hospital did a poor job of communicating. I read the stack of paper he received and the only mention of COVID was where it said his antibodies test was negative. He thought that meant he was negative for COVID.

Even the vaccinated can get the virus and pass it on. I haven’t been vaccinated. I’ll be in that very last group, before only the children. But I will get it. As soon as it is my turn.

The mask, the vaccination — they’re not just about me. They’re about you, too. Maybe especially about you. I’m at least taking some precautions. You are putting yourself out there with no protection. Oh, I don’t know you aren’t vaccinated but you didn’t seem the type. Forgive me if my assumption is wrong.

I hope that amusement is not wiped off your face. I hope you are protected.

People like you used to make me angry. Even if there is a small chance you can keep others around you healthy, why wouldn’t you? Most of us hate wearing masks. I don’t consider it an infringement on my freedom. I care about the people around me. It is a choice. But it does get easier if you do it. It becomes routine.

I pity you. From our brief encounter, I suspect you would find it more insulting to be pitied than if my temper flared. I suspect you would have actually liked me to get angry and rise to your bait. But I refuse. I am tired of arguing. For the moment.

I don’t think you would willingly hurt someone, you didn’t seem to be the type, but for whatever reason you are making a choice that increases your risk to do so.

I hate wearing a mask but am so fortunate I can. It’s a small act, but one I do mostly because I want to protect others. When I first started wearing one, they said it wouldn’t protect the one who wears it much at all. They have since reversed that. It seemed logical to me it would protect me at least a little regardless of what they said, but even if it didn’t protect me at all, I wanted to protect others around me.

I am so proud when I find myself somewhere random and almost all there are masked. It makes me proud of humanity. The energy is positive. I feel close to those people looking out for me and themselves. Then I go somewhere else and masks are a rarity. It deflates me a bit. With all we have learned in the past year, it seems a simple thing to do.

So yes sir, I wear my mask often. I stash clean ones everywhere. A relative of mine was among the first in his area to be put in intensive care for the coronavirus in the U.K. They know he infected 26 people. One thing we know about the virus — some of those people infected others and spread continued. They didn’t know better or were unable to get proper personal protection devices (PPD).

We know better now — we know the power of the mask. Or we should.

But here’s my question for you. There are a lot of causes to stand for in this world. Things that matter. I wonder why ridiculing mask wearers is a cause to which you devote time?

You have changed me. When at one time I would have felt anger towards you, now I am going to believe you just don’t realize the implications of your actions. That you are scared and this is the only way you can deal with it.

I wish you well, sir. I hope you stay well. I hope others you love stay healthy, too. We’ve lost too many amazing people. This has changed our world.

I am your neighbor, who will try to protect you whether you respect the effort or not.

Sincerely,

Kim