“One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather.” — Joy Hargrove

Dear Grandpa,

The place for me to start is where I will end. I miss you so much and to this day love you as if I hugged you yesterday. I do not drive by an Arby’s without thinking of getting you a chocolate shake. I want you to know when I think about you, it is the “younger” you. Full head of black hair big McBride ears and nose. Who am I kidding, to me, everything about you was big! Strong. Still is.

I wish you could have met my kids. I am quite sure Colin would be taller than you which I think would be the last straw of his height that I could take. Fairly sure, I would snap on that one, for my little boy to be taller than the biggest man I know…. Now, Makenzie, I see a special bond for you two. Kind of like the one we had my whole life. She was little, but such a spitfire! Oh my, her sass would have matched you so well. People would say she causes such trouble, but she is so cute it is hard to discipline her. You would disagree. In your eyes she would be the furthest thing from trouble and the greatest entertainment. Especially those moments when she would turn and say something just like I used to, I can feel how much you would love her, and she would do no wrong!

I know you would be disappointed that I did not raise them in the Catholic Church. I had my reasons with the biggest one being I thought it should be their choice. Instead I taught them all the things you taught me about being a good person. All the most important lessons came from you not some priest or nun. I hope you can understand, you were the role model and good example to me, I never felt the need to use God or Jesus or the Catholic Church to be at peace spiritually, I had you.

I wanted them to grow up, learn, develop their own opinions and values then if they wanted, find a religion that fits them. I know being Catholic was a huge part of who you were. For me though, I spent half of my life trying to shove my square spirit into the oblong hole of the Catholic Church. It did not work. In the end, I think Colin is a lot like you, only difference being he was given the chance to learn and explore to make the best choice for himself. He now seems not only as devoted to his faith as you were, but, like you, he is making a choice of service to others. I think you would be proud of that even if it is different from what you may have wanted.

As I said, this letter ends where it started. I love you so much, I wish we had been better back then about saying things like I love you and I am proud of you. I make mistakes and bad choices in my life, haven’t we all? I want you to know I try to live my life so that if you pointed me out to one of your angel friends, you’d be proud to tell them, “That’s my granddaughter!” You are still and probably always will be the person I talk to when I need help, comfort, or guidance. I don’t know if you hear me, but I will never stop needing you.

Love and Miss, you Always,

- S -

PS. By the way, you were right about “that boy” you tried to forget. He was not good enough and you knew it, but he did aid in the creation of your great-grandchildren. Luckily, I met a better guy — a guy I think you would like, and he helped me raise those great-grandchildren of yours. He reminds me of you. It’s his hands and hand gestures, they are so much like yours…. He takes really good care of me, so if Dewayne heads your way before I do, take him in. Watch after him and share you pie. You will not know what to do with his California-tree-hugging-ways, but he is worth it and he is family. We will have Pont way, Penn Side way and now, the Cali way.