Dear Dad, How Are You?

We Miss You And Wonder If You See Us, Feel Us. Are You Aware Of How We All Turned Out?

Father. It has been since June 20, 2007, that we last saw you. This date is hard to forget. The fact is it carries a lot of sadness for our family and our loved ones. Retrospectively, none of us prophesied your transition. Not even my mother, your dear friend, and bride with whom you did daily living together. But, you had to go. Your time was up. Realistically, we may never fully comprehend how you processed your departure, knowing how much you loved us and were full of love and life. In comfort, we take it that your parents missed you a lot, and wished you to join them in the afterlife.

When the news of your passing reached the extended family, the community, nation, and the diaspora, we were all sore beyond repair. Thankfully, our customs are to bury after at least a week of one’s death. This time frame allows the bereaved to plan and orchestrate the funeral procedures. As well, loved ones who are far may travel on time to lay their last respects too. In the interim, leading to the burial occasion, our home witnessed the love of so many people. These kind souls kept us company, day and night. Like us, moaners loved you and were in total disbelief that you had transitioned. We thus all cried in numbers. We also retold tales of you as we felt cheated by life as we tried and failed to accept that you were gone from us.

Your funeral was beautiful. It was a celebration of a man who loved his wife, family, society, and just was a good man. I had been to plenty of funerals prior, but none matched the number of attendees as yours. The love you gave followed you to your grave, and witnessing that on your day of us paying our final respect to you, Dad, was heart-warming. Hearing strangers speak passionately about you throughout the funeral prayers at home made us wish we could wake you up: to bring you back to life for, indeed, you positively touched many. There is nothing we can do, we will rekindle our lives as we do now. We love you, dad. One thing is indisputable: life has been challenging since you passed away.

Mom

When we realized that you were no longer there, we were all worried for mom. How was she to go on? How was she going to pick up and forge a life empty of you? How was she going to wear her black moaning gowns for a year? How was she going to heal with those widow garments all around her, reminding her of her loss? Your bedroom, sir! How was mom going to face her bed? What about when she saw your clothing items, toothbrush, and face cloth, how was she not going to break into tiny pieces? Please note that she suffers from heart disease. Even when you still lived, this health condition made us feel anxious every day.

Sir, you married a warrior, your beautiful pragmatic woman. Mom has transformed her widowed life so much, and we are so proud of her. In all that she does, she endeavors to make you proud, Mr. Makhubu. Of course, she has never remarried and proudly wears your wedding ring and her wedding band on her fingers. Your choice is good, and you know it very well.

Your dear wife continued working as you knew her to be self-sufficient. She retired in 2017. Indeed, ten years after your death and funeral, our mother retired. We threw her a befitting celebration as her children in gratitude for all her sacrifices with which we made life for ourselves. She looked dashing and happy at her party. More than anything, mom was touched by the love expressed towards her parental skills.

All of your friends came to celebrate her (your widow, and your friend). I was not at the event, dad. Do you know that I live in Canada now? Father, I am a parent. You have a beautiful and intelligent eight-year-old grandchild from me. She knows you, we both miss you. Guess what! Luthando is being raised on your teachings too. Thank you for being a wonderful father to me. From your fatherhood, I am capable of single-parenting my kid so far from family in a foreign cultural context.

Mom met Luthando in Dublin, of all places. Yes, and they like chatting on WhatsApp a lot. My daughter is rooted in your ways, father. This reality shows off in her mannerism: humility, service to others, hard work, honesty, and family love. She tells anyone that she is from Eswatini and was only born in Canada. I respect her mindset, for it will only be by returning to her folk that her true potential will spark. A sense of belonging and cultural heritage are two attributes that await her as soon as she sets foot in southern Africa. Until then, we will always respond to “where are you from, and where do you like most between here and there?

Your last born

I do not doubt that death is terrible to you because it means leaving my sister behind. Yes, you love us and have made serious investments in each of us, but the sacred bond between parents and their last one was easy to notice in our family. Thulile has grown into a woman. She has two sons. Her firstborn is Langelihle, and he is my Godson. Her second child is Bahole, and he will be two years old next January. Thulile teaches in the capital and lives there too. She frequents home to check up on mom and brings her children to visit where you performed fatherhood to us the most. I wish you could see what we have done with your house, dad. How might I pray so that you may visit once during dinner? That home is worth a lot now, for we renovated the kitchen you loved cooking in using the best appliances. Mom has finesse, so be prepared to be wowed as you enter the kitchen. I also like what she did with your bedroom, as it is lovely, you will like it.

Your Son

As per culture, a boy child is discouraged from staying away from his mother. In our case, Zakhele wakes up from home to travel into the city for work. This way, mom has a constant protective male figure now that we are without you, dad. What more, Nathi lives with mom and my brother at home now. Is this not the best news day? Yes, my brother has only one child, his son, Nathi, as you know. Since last year Nathi joined his father at home after living with his mom for the longest. We are so delighted that this is the case, as before my nephew could visit but having him immersed in daily life at home warms everyone’s heart. You should see him. He is so handsome. Like you, he is calm and warm. He has your tall features, but mom handed him his light complexion, as you know, dad. Since you cherished him, like us, home for him is not the same without you. God, we miss you.

Xolile

My sister is concluding her Master’s degree. She is also a teacher and is very much married, as you know. She and my brother-in-law, Mpendulo, have a beautiful home, and their two sons are grown. Just last year, we celebrated Lihle’s twenty-first birthday. We all drive, make honest earnings and continue our family legacy daily. Since you raised us to commemorate milestones, there have been plenty of family gatherings since the last you saw us. In sum, mom is loved and honored by each of us. We successfully changed her mind from wandering into loneliness.

Lwazi, Mpile, Nompilo and Nothando

The girls are successful independent young women. They teach as a profession and earn enough money to pour into their happiness. I am particularly proud of you for playing a key father figure to these nieces of mine. Their mothers died when they were so small, and you and mom raised them sacrificially as we were many children all together under your financial care. However, “where there is a will, there is a way.” On behalf of my late siblings, sis, Lindiwe Manyatsi, and Mrs. Zodwa Manyatsi-Nkambule, we are so thankful for investing yourself in the lives of the named orphaned children. I do not know if you realized that we lost Nothando. She passed away while I was here, as did your loving mother-in-law, your brother-in-law, and so many more. Yea, we have suffered loss after loss, dad. That said, we are grateful for the family that we still have and hold mom dearest as tomorrow is no guarantee.

In conclusion, I may not be sure about when next I may be able to see my family. The situation has been that due to an ongoing epidemic, Covid-19, the world shut down. There have been numerous cross-border bans, and Canada is on a total lockdown. Mother is worried about our separation, and considering the family deaths we are discussing here, we have good reasons. That said, I trust that God will save us all, and we will meet again as Covid-19 remnants. I love you, dad, and miss you. Kindly frequent our dreams positively. Importantly, be assured that we are walking in your giant footsteps, each in our unique way. Until we meet again, rest well.