Dealing With Regret and Sadness

To The Person Who I Hurt

I left you for someone else.

I thought the grass was greener on the other side. This new person came into my life when things between us were terrible.

We argued constantly; we were moving backward; we didn't respect each other's beliefs, Family issues, Wanted to change each other, etc. Of course, all of these are valid reasons to leave a relationship. But you were still my best friend. Despite the flaws we shared, we still trusted each other; we spent time together; we were vulnerable, shared many valuable moments, etc.

But parts within myself let my ego get in the way, and I thought deep down I wasn’t fully attracted to her. She was a fantastic soul, but I could never settle for the reality that I wasn’t fully physically attracted to her. It was eating me up so much. It made me feel like a wrong person, shallow, superficial, etc. I could do better.

Not all looks were our issues; we had many other things. But that was hard to swallow. I wanted to be grateful for what I had and truly enjoy it. That voice would always remind me of that.

But it showed in our relationship. I could never tell you all the time you looked beautiful; you were gorgeous, etc. It bothered you for a long time and never felt genuine. I cared more about your soul and who you were as a person. But parts of myself lied because, in reality, looks still matter, and I wasn’t truly grateful.

As this new person came into the picture, I told them I had been in a relationship from the start and wanted to do the honorable thing. I didn’t even entertain it.

But that thought began to linger in my head. We had issues, and we could’ve fixed those things. But I gave up on us and gave into the idea of leaving you and dating this new person.

We were already on and off, and I didn’t want to hear you cry. I didn’t want to see you sad and upset. So I sent a long message. I was letting you go and blocking you in the process. I ghosted you, and I hurt you.

I don’t know what you went through, but I apologize.

More so as well because the reality is being in this relationship with this new person was just all a lie. Again, I was not attacking this person’s character. But deep down, I knew that karma was coming my way.

I thought this person was my actual true partner. I thought I was right all along compared to my previous relationship. However, the things she told me and how we view the world differed.

Dating this new person, we had some good times. We had many great conversations and made it feel like a genuine connection. But as time when on, that natural mask came off.

This person looked better and seemed to have a more excellent personality. She appeared good on the outside and inside. In the beginning, it was flowers and rainbows. I believed everything she said without judging her actions. I won’t sit here and bash and destroy this person's character.

But I felt more alone in this relationship.

I wasn’t poured into it because of the pain I put my other partner through. I left for some shallow reasons; I ghosted her, etc. Sure, I could validate the bad things that were valid reasons to go, and still now. But I can’t hide from the truth.

This new person just had so much going on in their life. The reality was the same for me. I walked right into another relationship without taking much time to heal fully. My needs or anything wasn’t getting met in this relationship. I was giving and giving. Nothing in return, no respect, appreciation, etc. I didn’t love myself. I was seeking more happiness with someone else rather than myself. The reality is I did deserve that. I went through so much pain and mental health issues in those four months. Then it all ended in shambles. I wasn’t perfect in it. The worst side of me being desperate, needy, attention-seeking, etc.

I was emotionally drained, which taught me lessons I must learn more about and reflect on.

But most importantly, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. So be grateful for what you have. In the end, I lost my best friend, someone who suppose to be my life partner. Someone who I wanted to spend my life with. In the end, I wasn’t grateful I wanted more in reality, I gave up. I didn’t want to fix our issues.

After all these things that have happened to me, I want to atone for the bad things I’ve done. My message to you gives thanks to those who genuinely love you. Work on your issues, accept your partner for who they are, Embrace some of their flaws, and be grateful. People who genuinely love you and understand you are a blessing in disguise. I had that.

I messed up, and now I don’t have that. I hope one day I can.

Karma is real; do good by the people who are good to you.