Summary

The website content details an individual's personal strategies for coping with anxiety during a prolonged period of unemployment, emphasizing the importance of a tailored approach to managing stress and maintaining a positive outlook.

Abstract

The author of the web content discusses their personal battle with anxiety, particularly in the context of being out of work for over a year. Despite facing challenges and unsolicited, anxiety-inducing comments from others, the author has developed a daily routine that includes job hunting, engaging in meaningful activities, and ensuring personal enjoyment. They emphasize the importance of not allowing external opinions to undermine self-worth or the value of their experience. The author also notes the significance of focusing on what can be controlled, such as personal preparation for interviews and maintaining a balanced life, rather than dwelling on uncertainties like age or salary requirements. The author's approach to managing anxiety without medication involves careful life management, staying active and useful, and not letting the job search overshadow the joy of living.

Opinions

The author acknowledges their natural tendency towards anxiety but chooses to actively manage it rather than let it dominate their life.
They express frustration with certain questions from others that increase vulnerability or focus on factors outside of their control, such as age or the length of unemployment.
The author values trusted advisors and encouragers who can ask probing questions without triggering anxiety.
They believe in the importance of not working for a company that undervalues their experience or is not open to discussing salary expectations.
The author has decided against selling their house during this period, as the stress of preparing it for sale would add to their anxiety.
They prioritize activities that give them a sense of purpose, like donating platelets and volunteering, as part of their coping strategy.
The author maintains a sense of humor about their situation, referencing their mother's fixation on their hairstyle for interviews.
They continuously review and adapt their plan for managing anxiety and the job search process, focusing on engagement, usefulness, and fun.
The author recognizes that unemployment is not the worst thing they have faced and is determined to not let it overshadow their life or self-worth.

Dealing With Out-of-Work Anxiety

Making a plan that works for you

I am an anxious person by nature. If I didn’t pay close attention to it, I would spend most of my life anxious. Few people recognize this in me.

Over time I decided that I don’t choose to live my life that way. I’ve found it is a daily battle. If allowed, people will feed this side of us, mostly due to their own anxiety. Most of us are susceptible to this “feeding” — be it intentional or unintentional, you have to refuse to eat what they’re dishing out.

I’ve been out of work for over a year. It tends to consume my thoughts.

While I believe I’m dealing with it quite well, it’s because I am fighting the anxiety by realizing I can’t add much more that is anxiety-provoking on my plate.

People don’t help. I don’t have issues with people asking me about being out of work in general. It’s good to talk about it. But there are those comments that provoke anxiety and aren’t a bit helpful to the process.

Do you think your age is the reason people aren’t hiring you?
Are the people hiring wondering why you’ve been out of work so long?
Are you being unrealistic in your salary demands?
Why do you think you don’t have a job by now? You’re so qualified.
Are you going to sell your house?
Are you combing your hair when you go to interviews? (This is contributed by my mother. Every single time we talk.)

In other words, they are asking about some things that will increase my vulnerability and other things that are entirely out of my control. For me, these can be anxiety triggers.

A few people can ask these questions, and it’s okay. They are the folks who have invested in this process and been trusted advisors and encouragers.

Other people should keep it to a simple “How are you doing?” or offer words of encouragement.

To keep anxiety at bay, I have been building my life around job hunting, doing things that I find meaningful (donating platelets, volunteering with a charity, helping others who are out of work), and having fun. It’s been the right balance for me.

I’m not thinking about selling my house because I can’t tackle the purging I need to do (I will not move all of what I currently own to my next home) and the ton of little repairs and deep cleaning that need to be done.

I recognize others would have found this to be the perfect time to do this. Many have told me. I have felt guilty about it but ultimately decided that’s a high-stress activity for me.

I have ADD. The focus of such a task takes for me is incredible. It adds a lot of anxiety. Now is not the time for me to be doing it.

My age, salary requirements, why I don’t get jobs I am immensely qualified for — I have no clue as to the impact they have on the decision of potential employers.

I could agonize over these questions but do I want to work for a company that doesn’t appreciate my experience, thinks of me as old, or believes I am not going to deliver the value of at least the equivalent of the salary I receive? No, I don’t think so, especially if they’re not willing to discuss it with me openly.

As for my Mom’s concerns, I’m watching my money. Yes, it’s longer between cuts and color, so possibly my hair does not always look its best. My stylist cuts and colors my hair when I know an in-person interview is imminent.

Plus my mom and I have never liked the same hairstyles, so chances are she will not be happy with the results. (But yes, it will be combed.)

Living with anxiety you learn to develop a plan that works for you. Being out of work and dealing with the financial and emotional implications of that, along with everyday life issues, is enough for my plate right now.

I look for jobs daily and have filled out so many job applications that I have lost count. I have phone interviews regularly, and in-person interviews enough to make me know that I’m doing quite well with the phone interviews. I’ve talked with recruiters and a career counselor, and all have said I’m going the right things.

I cope with my anxiety without medication. It requires, however, that I manage my life carefully. Life is short, and being jobless is not the worse thing that has happened to me or will happen to me. If I let the words of others make me doubt myself or what I have to offer, it could cause my situation to be a bigger deal than I want it to be.

I continuously review my plan:

Actively look for jobs and engage in the process of making sure you are mentally prepared to meet the demands.
Stay useful. Do things for others whenever possible.
Have fun. Don’t let the joy escape your life. Live well, every minute.

Maybe this isn’t how others would handle unemployment, but it’s how I can manage the anxiety in a positive manner. It is working. Until the well-meaning people who tend to discourage instead of encourage drop by.

I do miss my fingernails. I guess the anxiety does get to me sometimes. But that’s OK. Overall this time of my life has proven to me that my anxiety does not need to overshadow all else. I can handle everything day by day.