Dealing With Depression in a COVID World

COVID hit and caused depression in many people, but that doesn’t mean depression wasn’t already here

No, this is something that pervades many people's lives as they stumble through their days trying to remember what it is they were going to do, foggy brains, gyrating moods, and other things that impact how they react to the world around them.

With me personally? It’s locking myself inside when those times come. I know when they told us last March that we needed to hole ourselves inside and lockdown for a few weeks, the introvert and gamer in me celebrated with a huge fist pump and a loud YES!! This is what I had prepared for my entire life. I was made for this; this was where I would shine.

Months into it, I was still fine. Plugging away at life while sequestered at home, enjoying spending time with my husband, and not murdering one another with being in proximity all the time. The pandemic brought us closer together; it didn’t tear us apart. It also gave me time to reflect, find new hobbies, find alternative ways to cope, and discover myself on levels I had never thought of before.

It also, however, brought depression. It had depressed me before this, taking my drugs dutifully to be ‘normal’ (what is that anyway?), and not skipping a beat in making it to therapy sessions. My therapist, being the outstanding guy that he is (and someone I’d love to have a beer with one day), was patient with me as I was pretty locked up inside with all the things going on.

I had lost my job because of COVID, and I was having a hard time finding another one with the market being saturated as it was and me being an older candidate in my field that had just finished my bachelor's degree. As unfortunate as it is, I had put my degree off for a long time despite going to school when I was younger. Life got in the way, and I put school on hold for nearly 15 years before I finally finished.

Our finances were suffering, and my depression got worse. It got to where I was debating each day whether I had the energy to take a shower or brush my teeth or not, or even just to get out of bed. Those days were hard on both myself and my husband. He’s an intuitive and emotionally astute man that gloms on and knows exactly what I’m feeling. These days left him feeling helpless that the only thing he could really do was listen and hug me to make me feel better.

But to be honest, those small things mattered and helped me through the depression. Those of you out there who don’t know how to help someone who’s depressed, just be there. Offer to listen, be a shoulder to lean on, offer a blanket burrito, and a cat (or dog) whatever you think will comfort them. Just be there. Sometimes all it takes is someone, not even talking, to make someone feel better.

I can report now that I have a job again, and I’m feeling better depression-wise. It will always be there as a little black cloud. Or like I like to say with my anxiety, as a gamer, it’s like hearing boss music in the back of your head constantly and never knowing where the boss will leap out at you from. That said, it’s better.

Now, what do I have to gain from sharing this with you? Nothing, to be honest. I’m not looking for sympathy, not looking for any validation (though that’s another thing you can help someone with in validating their feelings if applicable). I’m sharing with you because I know you’ve likely been there. And if you haven’t, I’m envious, as I’m sure a lot of other people are.

The point is. It’s okay to be this way; it’s how you deal with it that matters. I don’t recommend neglecting to take care of yourself. You’ll just get deeper into depression and wonder if it’s all worth it if you’re not feeling well physically. I’ve been there. I started taking spin classes, and I feel great doing it afterward. It’s something I look forward to every morning after my cup of coffee and a few snuggles with the dogs to wake up.

I do recommend therapy, exercise, healthy eating, and, if you have to, medications. Therapy and medications, I know, are the hardest for people to swallow. But if you think about it, those are the things that will help you learn more about yourself in the long run through other people’s eyes and through your own eyes in how your behaviors affect not only you but others around you.

Exercise and healthy eating will get you far in making you feel good, no… fantastic. Mental and physical well-being go hand in hand. Balancing them is a chore sometimes, but a chore well worth taking on. Think of it as a lifestyle change and not something that you’re doing temporarily to make yourself feel better for now. This is something you’re doing, so you’re feeling better for the rest of your life.

Now, I can preach those things and say how easy they are. But in all honesty? They’re not always that easy. I still have days where I don’t exercise because I wake up with no energy, feeling down, or just plain don't want to do it. There are some days where things just go into the crapper, and I want to eat junk food all day long. There are some days where I’m so tired from struggling with myself that I just want to go to bed and wake up the next day to start over fresh.

Those days, these days, are far and few between, thankfully. But 2020 was a hell of a year. All I can say, and I say this all the time, is an advocate for yourself, even if it’s to yourself. The most important thing you can do in your life is to make sure that you advocate for yourself and not just those around you. No matter what the circumstance, no matter how many friends you have that will stand up for you and bury those bodies, advocating for yourself is a life skill worth learning and keeping.

Dealing with depression during 2020 and through the beginning of this year has been a rollercoaster, but I’m sure there are those of you reading this who have been in a similar situation. Just know you are not alone in this sea of life, and there are other boats in the ocean with people who are struggling just like you. The ocean is vast, dark, and choppy, but on its calmer days, when the sun is out, it’s the most fantastic view you’ll ever have.