Dealing with a sense of entitlement
The world doesn’t owe you anything, but you can learn how to get proactive and take what you need.
by: E.B. Johnson
The world is a chaotic place right now, and it seems like everyone has conflicting ideas on what we should or shouldn’t be doing to fix it.While some see the opportunity in the chaos, others would rather sit by and see what life throws their way. The problem here, however, is that life is not a spectator sport. The world doesn’t owe us anything. If we want to change it (and ourselves) we have to take action and do it decisively.
When we let go of our sense of entitlement, we can find the energy and the inspiration to step up and make positive transformations in our lives. Sitting by the wayside does nothing to improve our circumstances, and it does nothing to improve the ways in which we see the world. Though we deserve to have our needs met, we are not entitled to having those needs met by the world or anyone else. We alone have the power to ensure that we get what we need from this life.
The hang-up in expecting handouts.
We’ve been raised with the knowledge that there are inherent qualities and elements in this life that we deserve by natural order. These are things like freedom, safety, security, respect and equality. But just because they are deserved does not mean they are given to us. Often, they are things that come to us only after a great deal of work on both ourselves, and in the world around us. We have to fight for the things we deserve, and we alone must ensure that nature gives them to us.
Believing that the world (or your partner, friends, family or children) owes you something is known as entitlement. While entitlement can, in some cases, be justified — it more often than not comes down to a selfish idea of reciprocation, and the expectation that your environment will provide for your needs and desires (regardless of your input).
Manifesting the life and the future that you want takes action. This action is both internal and external, tangible and intangible. You must take action to improve yourself as a person. You are the one who must take action to change the world around them for the better. Life gives us nothing of value without effort. To have meaning and purpose, to be able to live in true freedom — you have to demand it for yourself and create it through taking concentrated and focused action each and every day.
Why we feel entitled to receive without action.
There are a number of factors that lead to this concretely embedded entitlement. We don’t wake up one day and decide that the world will hand us everything we want — no action necessary. This sense of entitlement comes from toxic beliefs and toxic patterns that go unquestioned and unaddressed generation after generation.
Narcissistic upbringings
If you were born any time in the last 30 years, then you probably know what it means to be told you were “special” from the time of your birth. Our parents came from a generation in which they were given the opportunity to feel like masters of the universe. This feeling of control inverted in a lot of them, and became a narcissism which only allowed them to see their children as perfect, special or gifted. The more you were raised to believe this, the more entitled you might feel in adulthood; seeing yourself as an unquestionable power who should always be top…no effort needed.
A commitment to gratification
Some of care about one thing only: our personal gratification. We think our own needs are the most important thing in the world because we’re used to getting our own way — no matter what. While this mentality isn’t far off from the one we’re trying to cultivate, it’s entirely toxic too. This belief creates that idea that, because you always get your way you are entitled to always have things your way. When, in fact, you should see things more through the lens of, “I’m going to get my own way because I’m going to work to manifest it through focused action and integrity.”
Laziness as a lifestyle
Lazy people see the world as a banquet; one that they don’t have to queue in line for or pay for. A lazy person is not a lost person. There’s a big difference. Lazy people have already figured out that life takes work (and often what specific work needs to be done) but consciously choose not to do that work — because they simply don’t want to. Instead, they would rather steal attention, energy from people who are fighting their own fights. Just to meet the needs that they are perfectly capable of meeting themselves.
Arrogant outlooks
Arrogance is toxic, and it seems more and more common in this social media age. We’re constantly trying to be “the best” and within that prove our superiority to other people. This arrogance trickles down into every other facet of our lives and can create the idea that we are somehow “owed something” by the people around us. These people, of course, can’t and won’t give us those things. Only we can take them for ourselves. Until we accept that, however, our arrogance results in a life lived in anger and resentment.
Societal and religious pressure
Socio-religious pressure can go a long way in informing our world outlooks and relationships, and they can go a long way in creating a sense of entitlement in otherwise compassionate and logical human beings. These pressures include ideas based around gender roles or “castes” and are inherently toxic in nature. For example, your religion might tell you that — as the “man of the house” — you’re entitled to be catered to and cared for throughout your life; heedless of whether that attention is earned through value and effort.
Genuinely victimized
When you are genuinely victimized (and aware of it) it can create a sense of entitlement and a sense of rage which is understandable. However, we can misdirect this energy and become a victim of its prerogative when we allow it to sideline us in expectation of the justice we know we deserve. In order to truly overcome these crimes, we have to learn to proactively overcome them with action of our own; while accompanying it with internal work that allows us to heal. So that we don’t continue to perpetuate our trauma.
What happens when we don’t expect to work for it.
You might think that it’s okay to expect the world to take care of you, but it isn’t. Nature isn’t fair, it’s brutal. To sit by and allow it to buffet you around is to fail in your duty of care to self. You have a responsibility to go after the things you want in this life, but you also have a responsibility to care for yourself by ensuring you live in a safe and peaceful environment.
No care for oppression
One of the most dangerous and insidious sides of leaving your entitlement unchecked is the increasing potential for oppression. This is because your sense of superiority and your sense of “rights” begin to infringe on the rights and happiness of others, creating a feeling of oppression or the idea that they must lessen themselves in your light. Because you see yourself as the “king of the hill” you become comfortable with the subjugation of others. Anything to reaffirm and justify your ego.
(Un)Justified rage
The entitled are marked by their anger. They have no fear lashing out or punishing those around them when their needs aren’t met. This is because they feel justified in lashing out when they perceive themselves to be denied. When you see the world as your personal cornucopia, you feel a sense of ownership and within that the power to punish it when it doesn’t give you what you want. This includes hurting the people that you love and destroying opportunities for yourself and other people whenever you feel as though you aren’t being given what you want.
Victim mentality
When you walk around expecting the world to give you everything, it becomes very easy to blame the world (and everyone else in it) when things go wrong. This means adopting a victim mentality and stripping yourself of even more power within your life. Not every entitled person lashes out when things go wrong. Some assume the victim role and then use that to manipulate the actions of others around them. This mentality is both toxic and alienating.
More and more laziness
Expecting handouts makes one incredibly lazy and detracts from your ability to control the course of your own life. When you live off of handouts, you fail to develop the skills that desperation and need often drive individuals to. Life requires effort. A great deal of effort. We don’t get things because we sat there inactively — despite what it might look like from the outside. In order to actually achieve things like fulfillment and joy, we have to explore ourselves and take action when it’s necessary and aligned with our best intentions.
Endless narcissism
The longer you sit around waiting for the world (and the people around you) to take care of your needs, the more likely you are to fall into the narcissism trap. Narcissists are people who care only about themselves, and they expect the world around them to take on the same view. They’re self-obsessed and toxic, and they drag down everyone around them; zapping their energy and demanding its service in their own cause.
Why the world doesn’t owe us anything (and it never did).
The world doesn’t owe us anything, and it never did. If we want something, we have to manifest it — and we do that through consistent and focused action. We also do it by embracing the truth, though, and working each day to understand and realize that we alone are responsible for making the changes we need in our lives and this world.
1. It didn’t invite us to the party
Like it or not — you were not welcomed here, nor were you invited. No matter how much your parents loved you, or planned for you, the world as a whole did not ask for you to come here. And it doesn’t care if you leave or if you stay. The sooner you realize that nature and society at large is indifferent to you, the more empowered (and inspired) you become to take action and get noticed. It’s motivating, realizing that you do indeed have something that you need to prove.
The world did not summon you here. Nor did it think you up in order to magically meet some cosmically manifested plan. It is not your mother. It is not your father. This planet and 99.9% of the people on it do not have a duty of care to you, your safety, your wellbeing or your needs.
You don’t get what you want from this life simply because you exist. There is no law — in heaven or on this planet — that says you are entitled to anything simply because you live breathe right now in this present moment. Stop expecting the world to shape to your liking and understand that action alone is how we manifest our dreams. The longer you stand by waiting, the harder and longer the journey is going to be. Get your hands dirty and stop waiting for a handout. Take what you want.
2. We’re not as special as we think we are
Narcissism is one of the biggest fuels to the fire of entitlement, and it feeds into delusions of superiority. Many expect life to give them handouts because they think they are too good to stand up and take action against a world that doesn’t care whether they live or die. When we let go of these ideas, we empower ourselves to become a part of a greater community and therefore shift the world around us in transformative ways.
There’s a difference between having confidence and believing that you are so special and unique that your life should come at the cost of others. That’s arrogance, and it’s also entitlement of the highest degree.
You are not unique. (Sorry.) No matter how smart you are, no matter how gifted, or pretty — there are a million other people just like you, and there will be a million more that come after. You are not unique, nor do you need to be. You are an individual piece of a beautiful tapestry that has the power to help it shine (or degrade). We make the choice to either play a part in change, or we make the choice to rot just for rotting’s sake. The choice is ultimately ours, and ours alone.
3. There’s not enough to go around
One of the biggest (and most uncomfortable) facts we have to accept about this life is that there’s too many of us here. More and more people are born each day, and all the war, famine, disease and genocide are proof that there’s just not enough to go around. The world doesn’t owe you anything because there’s, frankly, just not enough to go around for everyone. If you want something, you’re going to have to step up and take it. Or, risk getting left out in the cold.
Let go of the idea that you are somehow inherently special beyond anyone else on this earth. There are billions of people on this planet, and each one of them has their own unique set of needs and desires. Not every one can be met, and not everyone should. The difference between who gets and who doesn’t is often who has the courage to take action.
Get focused on your needs and get realistic about what’s worth taking and what isn’t. Look for the greed and the shortcomings that keep you fearful or insecure, and work on releasing those in order to replace them with feelings of compassion and determination. Finding our feet and finding the self-confidence to take action is a heady brew, but it also has the power to transform our outlooks and our conditions. Stop waiting for a planet that doesn’t have enough to go around giving you everything your heart desires.
4. No one can read your mind
So many people assume that everyone around them can read them, or inherently know how they’re feeling or what they need. While osmosis is certainly something that occurs on the cellular level, it’s not something that occurs in our interactions with the world around us. We have to express our needs and our boundaries and we have to do it constantly.
Stop expecting for the world to read your mind. Stop expecting your friends, your family, or your partners to inherently know what you need. If you’re feeling empty, lost, or unheard — speak up and speak out. Tell them how you’re feeling and tell them what you need to correct it.
The more frequently we speak up about the things that matter to us, the more comfortable it becomes. It’s a bit like learning to skate. At first, things are a bit shaky, but the more you keep at it the less you have to think about your balance, or the natural movements that change your direction. It’s a process, but one that is only kick-started by speak up when your feelings are hurt or you feel like you need to get something that you aren’t.
Putting it all together…
To believe that the world owes us even one shred of what we want is toxic. The world owes us nothing, and this is evidenced in the injustice and inequality which plagues our society. The longer we cling to this entitlement, the smaller and more insular our worlds become. In order to truly transform our lives (and our environments) for the better — we have to accept our responsibility and the role we play in them.
The world didn’t invite you to this party, nor do they care if you stay or have a good time. Nature is brutal and fast. It doesn’t have time to make sure you have what you need, and it doesn’t care if you get what you want. Stop believing that you are more unique or more special than you are. You don’t have to be one-of-a-kind to hold value in this world. Start getting proactive about taking focused and conscious action to build a better world for yourself and your children. There isn’t enough on this planet to go around for everyone. Get realistic about what you really want from the world and go after it. Stop allowing the circumstances of life control who you become.No one can read your mind, and society isn’t going to take the time to coddle you. If you want to be better, get better. If you want to live in a world that is authentic and aligned with your values — build it.
