Transition Diaries, A Non-Binary Journey

Day 92: A Trip to the Doc in the Big City

Three-month check up, flirting with a cutie, lab work, rapid HIV testing, free condoms and a drive home in a snow storm.

Cutie in the waiting room

The first time I went to Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago, I was a little nervous. I’m not from the big city. I have limited exposure to LGBTQ people because I live in a red state.

Sure, when I went to college people were openly out and proud. But, not so much these days in my small town.

And, the times I socialize with LGBTQ people, it swings from the extremes. I know transgender porn stars who are super glamorous, but very down to earth and friendly. I also know “egg” trans people who have known since they were young they are trans, but haven’t started transitioning for a host of reasons. Then there are the drag queens, and non-binary performers, and all the creative people who make life a joy. We have performers who are femme, but have goatees in my local gay bar. I like it because it makes me feel comfortable in my skin.

I’m half man and half woman. I’m the big girl who is in every office or work place. The one who towers over all the other women and a majority of men. The one with masculine and feminine energy. The one everyone loves. But, I don’t necessarily fit in all the time. But, I get along and am comfortable.

I was in the waiting room at Howard Brown when I noticed her walking into the room. I like people watching. In a friendly way. I like to nod and say hi to people. We can get away with that in Chicago because people are friendly. I lived in New Jersey when I was younger. There, one had to be more reserved. Back in the early 1980’s waving to the wrong person could cause a fist fight. It could have been my late elementary and middle school age, but people weren’t as friendly as I have experienced since moving to the heartland.

She was taller and had red hair. That’s what caught my attention. I smiled at her. She gave me a little smile back. I went back to reading my phone like all civilized people do these days. But, I made sure to send a smile or two her way as I was waiting.

The nurse called me back to the exam room to see my doctor. I had to walk past the red haired cutie on my way to the aisle. I excused myself and she smiled at me. I felt excited with the surge of making a new connection. The nurse registered my excitement in my slightly higher than usual blood pressure. I told her I was a little smitten with someone, so my BP is a little higher from dopamine coursing through my system. She smiled.

A quick and easy instant HIV test

While she was charting the results from my vitals, she asked if I wanted a HIV test. I said sure. It’s always good to know your status. I was fairly confident I don’t have any problems because I get regular blood work, including CBCs and other testing, as part of my routine medical care and everything came back great on the last test in December.

But, it is only fair to yourself and your loved ones to get tested. I gave my consent. The nurse grabbed a kit out of the cabinet in the exam room. She placed three vials and a circular liquid collection bowl-type device in the middle of the table. She prepped my finger and expertly hit it with a single-use lancet. I didn’t even feel anything she did such a good job.

She took a sample of blood from the drop that was forming on my finger with a pipette that was included in the kit. She mixed it with the first vial and poured the red mixture into the bowl and waited a little. Then she poured the second vial — I think it was a blue liquid — into the bowl. Then we waited silently for a moment or two. Then she poured the third vial into the bowl device.

“You are negative,” she told me with a smile. I smiled back. The test didn’t take long, unlike the old days of having to go to the local health department for testing and having to wait for what seemed like a long time for lab results to come back. This test was quick and done right in the exam room with no waiting for the results. It is nice that medical advances have given us ways to check quickly and confidentially.

I am glad the result was negative. I didn’t think I would have any problems, but it is always better to be safe. Especially these days when treatments are better and you can get onto PrEP to prevent infection.

My doctor checked me out, asked my about my mental health status and if I had experienced any mood changes. I told her I was feeling better than ever since starting HRT. She smiled. I also reminded her I am in a therapy group for depression and anxiety which helps maintain my current happy state. I’m a veteran of the group — it wasn’t too long ago that I was going to my first group after individual counseling and worrying about the unknown. Now, I can help the newer people with my experiences. Mostly, I just listen. I’ve learned that the world doesn’t revolve around me and people just want to be heard.

Off to the lab to get my T and E levels

Doc finished with the exam and asked me to get lab work done to measure my estrogen and testosterone levels. I went to the laboratory down the hall from the exam room after choosing to go there because it is super convenient rather than getting a test order to bring with me to my local lab. The blood draw there was fast and easy. Also painless. I’ve learned the biggest fear is the anticipation of a needle. The actual stick is never than bad, especially with skilled lab workers.

Cutie’ smiling in the hallway

I was sent back down the corridor to go check out and get a new appointment. As I was walking, I saw the trans cutie redhead from the waiting room approaching. I said hi and she said hi back. She also returned my smile.

I love flirting. I am not going to ask for her name or number. I am going back to Indiana. And, there’s a snowstorm brewing. I need to get home.

Plus, sometimes it’s nice to let serendipity work its magic. It’s a small world. I’ll probably see her again sometime. It’s always good to just let things happen according to fate.

Back to the waiting room to check out. The checkout desk is open. I get my new date and make sure to get a paper card reminder in case I mess up my electronic phone calendar. I have noticed events disappear randomly. Probably because I hit the wrong button when I’m entering them into the phone.

It’s nice to have the pharmacy right there

I wave by to the checkout person and to the receptionist. I grab a couple of condoms from the bowl in the front desk and say thanks. I always like collecting swag and condoms.

I check in with the pharmacist and they tell me to wait why they process my order. Electronic scripts are super nice. They had already received it while I was in my exam. I took a seat to wait and pulled out my phone to read some great stories online.

My new red hair friend came into the pharmacy and check in with the staff. She looked around, then asked if she could sit next to me. I said, “of course!”

We looked at our phones. We smiled at each other to allow our eyes to refocus from looking at our screens. The pharmacist called my name, I excused myself and went to pay and pickup my order. As I was leaving, I turned around and saw my red haired friend waving. I waved back and said “see you later!” A man sitting nearby waved also. I made a couple of new friends today.

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Love,

XOXO,