Dating Someone You Don’t Like That Much is Dangerous
It’s true, best things come to those who wait
I was selfish to my ex-girlfriend even though I treated her well most of the time.
Why?
Because I didn’t like her enough. She never made my heartbeat. She was never the person that I couldn’t stop thinking about. She wasn’t meeting certain criteria on my checklist.
I dated her because she was willing to do anything for me. She dropped her friends and family to be with me, moving from New York to California. It also helped that she came into a low point of my life where I needed emotional support. I started off thinking “I’ll wait and see what happens, maybe I’ll fall in love with her one day. “
Fast forward to our break up, I realized I loved her more than I thought, but still, I’ve never felt crazy about her.
So yes, dating her was a mistake, but all to the fault of my own.
Reluctant to treat them great
We broke up less than two weeks ago, and the root of our problems came from my lack of affection. I often felt like I was giving too much to someone who wasn’t worth it. It would be one thing if she appreciated it, but that wasn’t the case.
I paid for at least 95% of her expenses, even when I had no income during the pandemic. I did all the chores and helped her in her home baking business. Meanwhile putting up with her own selfishness and attitude. I catered to her as much as I could, yet she took me for granted.
So no, my ex was not deserving of my sacrifices. Now, if I was dating the girl of my dreams, I would definitely be more willing to give, probably not anything, but at least much more than my ex. Like it or not, we all have an asking price. How much we’re willing to do for someone depends on how much we like them.
When we settle for someone mediocre, loving them feels like a bit of a drag. It’s hard to spend the extra effort for a holiday gift. It’s hard to tolerate them when they act out. It’s hard to put their needs before our own. Some people will because they are generous, but most of us will find it difficult.
When we don’t love enough, we don’t compromise. When we don’t compromise, the relationship suffers.
Wasting time being comfortable
We are less driven when we are in a relationship because the anxiety of being single disappeared. It sucks but it’s not the worse thing in the world. Because love makes up for the ambition, it fills up the hole in our hearts. However, if our partner is merely a filler, then we’re both slacking and unsatisfied.
And we will realize how much time we wasted being unproductive when the relationship ends.
Wasting the other person’s time
My ex was only 19 when I met her, she is 21 now. She told me I wasted two years of her life and that she delayed two years of college because of me.
If we don’t like who we date, we’re wasting the time of both people. Although my girlfriend loved me, she felt like waste her time with me because I didn’t love her back.
If we don’t see ourselves going a long way with someone, it’s best to let them go early because everyone’s time is precious.
Easily envious
I often found myself checking out other girls measuring against other couples. I always felt like I could do better.
This wouldn’t happen as much if I was in love with my ex. If my own plate is full, I would not salivate for food elsewhere.
It’s one thing to envy other couples when we’re single, but it’s another thing when we’re already committed to someone. Because envy turns into discontent. Before we know it we’ll be comparing our partners to other people and highlight their flaws.
So we should be careful because sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. But other times it’s not about the other side, we just need to take care of our own garden.
Sometimes I fool myself
Somedays we’d make dinner, watch a movie and play with chinchillas. Ordinary life gave me a sense of comfort and stability. Somedays we’d go out and have fun, it gave me a sense of companionship and joy.
From time to time, I’d tell myself it’s all I want, I don’t need to be madly in love, experience big ups and downs, or anything crazy. Simple happiness is enough. But deep down I know I’m only trying to justify my unsatisfying relationship. I wanted to make it seem like I’m happy when I was yearning for more.
This hidden jealousy usually turns into frustration. Especially towards our partners, even though it’s not their fault.
Now is dating our soulmate mean nothing goes wrong and we live happily ever after? Of course not, but at least we’re with the right person and we have no reason to look outside.
Having someone around to avoid loneliness and uncertainty is wrong
Like I’ve been admitting, I dated my ex for the wrong reasons. If she wasn’t that good to me or didn’t show up at the right time, we wouldn’t have been together. It wasn’t true love and maybe to some degree, I used her.
We often use new relationships to recover from the last one or to end our single life, even when the partner isn’t ideal. Well, we get what we give, when we use people as spare tires, we will become spare tires ourselves at some point.
Also, meaningless relationships come and go quickly. Lasting, worthwhile relationships take time to cultivate.
Instead of jumping into new relationships, work on ourselves
The best thing we can do is get ready for our next partner is preparing ourselves.
- Work on being a better person
- Work on our finances
- Work on our social circle
- Learn more about ourselves and what we want from a partner
When we improve, we naturally attract better people into our lives.
What I did wrong was chasing love, what I should have done was chasing a better version of me.