Dating at 80: What Does That Feel Like?

I was shocked by what my soon 80-year-old half-sister was looking for in a partner.

If I’m blessed with longevity to the ripe age of 80, my thoughts might have differed from my older sister’s. Dating would probably not be on my mind unless it were with the man I’d married and grown old with.

Even so, my expectations of a partner are usually simpler than my sister's. At 54, I hope my partner shows me respect, is not broke, and communicates well.

I tossed my head on the pillow, trying to wrap my thoughts around the conversation my sister and I had earlier.

Having outlived two husbands, my sister is seriously searching for a special someone. She has even created a profile on a popular seniors’ dating site after missing the application deadline for The Golden Bachelor. This recent TV series was quite popular and gave hope to older folks that there is a chance of finding love later in life.

The reality, I’m sure, is different from the staged experience on National TV.

Within hours of combing through a list of online suitors, my sister found a man 30 years her junior.

She couldn’t stop talking about him.

But after a few weeks of telephoning, sending love notes, and text messages, the excitement soon disappears. She was done with the long-distance relationship and ditched the guy after claiming he was not physically present when she most needed him.

She has now turned to close friends and confidants for help finding new prospects and, ultimately, the right one.

But, sadly, I couldn’t be of much help; I barely knew prospects in her age range — My grandfather, not related to her, had been widowed for some time but sadly passed away last year. Then there is my next-door neighbor, a retired Navy officer who is widowed too but has multiple medical challenges.

I couldn't think of anyone else.

However, I soon discovered my sister wasn’t interested in older men, and I was utterly shocked when she revealed her deal breaker in finding the right man.

Older men might not be up to the task. I want a man who is virile and loves sex as much as I do. I’ve spent much of my life caring for the men I married, honoring my commitment — in sickness and in health. She continued…I’d been nothing but a good wife, now it's my time to enjoy life, whatever that feels like.

I’ll admit my sister looks great at 79— she has no significant health issues and cares very well for herself. She is financially independent and a confirmed fashionista, always turning heads and making a statement.

My sister and I might not see eye to eye on dating and other things, but how can I not cheer her on for wanting to do what makes her happy?

But without judgment, I tried to imagine what dating at 80 feels like.

I still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea and fell asleep.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not against 80-year-olds dating or having fun. But try as I may, I can't imagine 80-year-olds engaging in sex.

The thought of my parent or grandparents doing it makes me cringe or instantly feel embarrassed.

Was my naive, probably old-schooled belief organically passed on to my son?

I vividly recall when I was about 38, and my son, 15, asked me a question that took me off guard —

Do you and Uncle C (referring to my boyfriend then) have sex?

To this day, I don’t know what prompted his question, but he must have had a reason for asking. I quickly squashed the conversation by saying — “No, no, we are old people. We don’t do any such thing”.

Could it be like me that he naively believed sex was for younger people, so older folks didn’t or shouldn’t do it?

Curiosity won’t kill this cat, so who better to ask than my sister, who seems open to the discussion?

“So, what does dating at 80 look and feel like”? I asked Mary.

In Mary’s own words-

We may have different needs as we age. most often it’s the need for companionship. It gets lonely with age— A dinner date now and then, having someone you can call up to go to the movies with or a simple walk in the park. Maybe its the need for a little encouragement and purpose to live — Having a male companion encourages me to put on a nice dress, get my nails and hair done ,waiting for that special compliment from the opposite sex. A compliment brightens my day and feels special .

We need purpose in life more than ever as we grow older. For heaven’s sake, we’re not dead ! She exclaimed.

She added, I agree,not all women my age are interested in sex like I am, but for me its the freedom of expression and being honest about what excites me, without proving to anyone what my life should look or feel like at this stage in my life.

Itimacy relaxes me and makes me feel young. I’m entitled to feel sexy at any age.

What are your thoughts? I would especially love to hear from my male friends.