Dating and Money: Would You Date Someone With Less Money Than You?

How money can affect your dating life

I remember when I was growing up, my mother used to basically tell me to date someone that at least had the same money as us and ideally that had more money than us. Of course, this person couldn’t be a jerk, but having more money never hurt anyone. At the time, I didn’t take this advice seriously.

Although this advice sounds kind of lame, I know what is behind it. She wanted me to have fewer money problems than she had. She wanted me to have an easier life. She also used to tell me to marry first a financially stable profession than after a man (with better financial conditions than you). I also didn’t take it seriously. Otherwise, I would have become a doctor.

If I was going to give a piece of advice to my future daughter, I would say learn as much as you can about money and date someone with the same ambitions and goals as you.

A rich person not necessarily can make your life easier because sometimes they are jerks, and if you are good at what you do, you can make money with “non-traditional” professions.

At 32 years old, I need to be realistic: being poor sucks. We don’t need lots of money to have a comfortable life, but we do need more than most of us are making. And having financial problems can destroy a relationship. Finally, money is an important aspect of dating, which we can’t ignore.

One of the reasons that I got divorced was because I was tired of how much my ex-husband worried about money and felt like he was falling behind in his financial goals. I also wasn’t in a good place, but at the time, I used to worry less about money than he did, and I wanted to enjoy our new life in London. I remember he used to get mad at me every time I spent money. And I didn’t even spend that much. On the other hand, he used to spend money on drugs to forget he didn’t have money.

I think the problem is not dating someone that has or doesn’t have money, but dating someone that has money issues, and this can happen with poor and rich people. And there are many money issues because any unhealthy relationship with money can become a money issue. We are all guilty of that.

To be honest, our situation wasn’t that bad, but because he wasn’t happy with what we had, our life was hell. We couldn’t spend lots of money, but with time, we stopped shopping exclusively at Iceland (the cheapest supermarket in the UK at the time)and started shopping at M&S (one of the most expensive supermarkets in the UK at the time) for some bits and boobs like smoothies, juices and salads. We were able to travel as well. But his bad relationship with money, in part, killed us. I was tired of feeling poor because slowly, slowly, we were prospering.

On the other hand, after getting divorced, I dated some guys with money. And it wasn’t great either, because most men with money think that because they are paying for your food, your drinks and sometimes your Uber, they can have sex with you. And in most cases, you do need to play a game to catch “rich man”, a game I am not good at, and I never wanted to be good at. It grossed me out because it’s just rubbish. I can understand the frustration of not getting what you want on their part, but that’s their expectation, a sick one.

My first boyfriend was 28 years old when I was only 18. He was broke and trying a new life in my city. He met an innocent girl and took advantage of it. In a couple of weeks, he was living with my parents and me. Free-rent. The problem wasn’t that he was broke. The problem was his intentions. He knew exactly what he was doing, and even after a couple of months of our break-up, my mother still used to give him money.

And finally, I remember really liking this guy, and I really wanted to be his girlfriend, but every time we went out, I was paying for everything, he never paid. He never treated me to coffee. And he did have money, more than I had at the time. Again, his intentions were the problem. He never intended to invest in me, neither with money nor affection.

At the moment, I think I learned my lessons about dating and money. I am now in a healthy relationship where we both talk about money and try our best to deal with it in the best way we can. I wrote about it here: How To Have a Good Money Relationship With Your Partner.

My partner and I aren’t still where we want to be money-wise. We both made some mistakes in our 20s that affect us today. We still can’t afford to buy a house or start a family, for example. The difference is that we both take responsibility for where we are at and where we want to be. We are also working together to get there, and we have our expectations aligned. But of course, we both can’t deny that our lives would be easier if he or I had more money. Some people are just lucky to meet love and lots of money on the same person. And this is the dream that few live.

And answering the question: Would You Date Someone With Less Money Than You?

To be 100% honest, I wouldn’t, because being in a relationship with someone also means dealing with their financial situation. Maybe, if I had lots of money myself, I wouldn’t mind, but I want to be able to be with someone that can afford at least the same lifestyle I have.

And it’s one thing dating someone without money in your 20s, and a totally different thing dating someone without money in your 30s. I want my future kids to have more opportunities than I had, or at least the same ones I did.

At the end of the day, we need to make smart decisions in life. And we need to stop denying that money doesn’t affect how we date because it does. Money affects everything. Being realistic about what works for you and what doesn’t has anything to do with being elitist. Our survival instinct is still here, and we are all trying to survive, and money is an important aspect of it.

I am sure that there are couples without money that are happy and couples with money that are unhappy. Money doesn’t bring happiness, but money brings comfort and solutions for problems, and the lack of money can bring all sorts of problems. And I do believe now that people need first to focus on making a decent living for themselves before worrying about dating. That was one of my mistakes, not focusing on my career in my 20s and worrying so much about being in a relationship to fix my problems.

The point here is not to say who people should date or not, but to say that money does affect how we date, and we need to be conscious of that. Also, the better your relationship with money, the easier it will be to spot what works for you or not.

Please leave your comments about your experiences with dating and money. I am curious to know. Thank you :D