Darling, You Can’t Do Both

and Other Noise to Ignore On Your Way Up

This post is a review of the amazing book: ‘Darling, You Can’t Do Both..’

To be honest, this is a list of all the wonderful nuggets I gleaned, the sage advice that made me ponder long and hard and the wonderful resources I learned.

This book is on my Books by Women on Leadership List on Goodreads and one of the books I revisit every now and then. Excellent book, right there with other favorites such as Overcoming Underearning and Reinventing You!

Lessons Learned:

• Better done than perfect — Act now. Complete the task. Then perfect it. Like agile fans say, get it out of the door, perfect it in the next iteration.
• Pick your pond and splash vigorously. Basically, choose a niche and focus your efforts.
• LIFE’S A JUGGLING ACT AND SOMETIMES YOU DROP A BALL. I have to add these in capitals because most women, including me, are guilty of wanting to have it all, at the same time, without a break or help. WRONG!! Read the related chapter. It’s poignant and practical.
• “Mentoring is a way of using someone’s hindsight as your foresight.” I loved this quote- such an eye opener. This is why everyone needs a mentor. If you can’t find one, find one for every facet you are looking for and compile your own set of models to embody.(This particular pro tip is from May Busch, an influencer I follow)
• From Guardian’s Allyson Zimmermann: “Mentors are career developers and sponsors are career accelerators”. The book devotes an entire chapter to explaining the difference and importance for mentors and sponsors, how to get more than one, and why you need both. Leran the difference and go get both.
• Selfish Mentoring- this book also touches upon how to become a mentor and why it is so immensely significant for careers. The term ‘selfish mentoring’ is testament to how the act of mentoring is beneficial to mentor and mentee.
• Minute mentoring — another fascinating concept that I regard as highly apt in today’s complicated, distracted world with its frantic pace.
• Create a Personal Advisory Board. Support groups, cheerleaders, call it what you may. We all need people who inspire and support and with a whole chapter devoted to how one can create a board of life/ career advisors is a treat indeed.
• Don’t ask, don’t get. Like my Mom says, ‘Never lack for something because of the lack of asking’. Difficult to practice, but extremely effective.
• Men’s tactics : start high and come down if necessary. This corollary to the above tip should be taught to every female on the planet. This also happens to be similar to another of my mom’s oft-repeated quotes: ‘Shoot for the Stars. Even if you reach the sky, you Soared! Not Bad!’
• Tell a better story. I loved how the book guides readers to learn a variety of ways to make their case. Data, presentations, rational thoughts, logical arrangement of perspectives, social proof, backing of others- basically, using techniques to convince but adapted to the situation and audience. Extra work, I know. But it completely sets aside any shades of ‘emotions’ or ‘intuition’ or ‘drama’ that often creep into perceptions of women’s stance or opinions.

• Ask how to make a No a Yes. Another ‘Wow’ idea for me. In a coincidental turn of events, I even found a quote by Former President of India, also, a space scientist, that goes: ‘NO means Next Opportunity’. It totally shifts the focus away from rejections, which is what a ‘NO’ usually signifies for me to an action I can take. [How about you?]
• Don’t commit Yes-icide. Definitely something I need to start pronto. [Mom, if you’re reading this, you too!]
• Risk reframe. I found the concept of altering the perspective of risk extremely interesting and helpful.
• Networking is important. We all know this. But this book will completely drill the fact into your head.
• Go where the bigwigs are and Learn to accept No. Coupled with the idea of BE SOMEONE BIG PEOPLE WON’T BLOW OFF, this is another reason why every girl should read this book.

Relevant and inspiring, this is a must read for every girl and I sure can’t wait for the day I gift it to my little angels.

Have you read this book? What points resonated with you or made you ponder? Leave me your thoughts in the comments below.