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e the top cat around here, but you do not have a job. It would help if you got a job to take care of me in the manner I have become accustomed to. Let me give it to you in terms you can understand.” Dark looked at me with those beautiful deep sapphire eyes and blinked slowly twice. No. Don’t distract me with blinky kisses.</p><p id="c7ee">“Cat food,” I said. “I cannot pay for cat food with mice or lizards. The store wants cash or a credit card. I also need to buy food for myself. Do you have any credit cards?” Dark stared at me then climbed into my lap. He gently nestled into my lap as he settled down. I don’t think he was listening to me.</p><p id="543c">“Last, Dark,” I said. “You love the heated cat bed. That bed connects to an electric utility grid to keep it warm. Again, I can try to convince the utility company to accept cat kisses, cat lap dances, and mice, but I don’t think it will work.” Dark flipped over his belly to get rubbed and made no further comment.</p><p id="44ce">Well, until you get a job, a 401K, or a credit card, the big male human will live with us because we both want to continue living indoors and eating delicious food. Until then, you keep trying.</p><div id="aa8e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-first-love-our-orange-tabby-cape-cod-6f1f6d1726dd"> <div> <div> <h2>My Starter Cat, The Orange Tabby God, Cape Cod</h2> <div><h3>“You never forget your first love</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*P5gE135y0d8_OdzvTVb3oA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6e32" class="link-block"> <a href="https://tonicrowewriter.medium.com/membership"> <div>

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    </div><p id="4460"><i>Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bullets-Bosses-Dont-Have-Friends-ebook/dp/B07JH6W8XH/ref=pd_sim_4/137-9281399-9335837?pd_rd_w=FjibO&amp;pf_rd_p=d9946c66-b1cb-486e-8910-b5930c8935b6&amp;pf_rd_r=EYQP7N63XNKY5G65KRNP&amp;pd_rd_r=b3347cbc-453f-448e-8f5c-e8704121f684&amp;pd_rd_wg=msk1d&amp;pd_rd_i=B07JH6W8XH&amp;psc=1">Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?</a>” was one of the winners. Her first book, “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/NEVER-WH-RE-Doesnt-Started-ebook/dp/B07G5Q2GV5/ref=sr_1_7?dchild=1&amp;keywords=never+a+%247+whore&amp;qid=1624922162&amp;s=digital-text&amp;sr=1-7">Never a $7 Whore</a>” was the other.</i></p><p id="756b"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/thesevendollarseries"><i>Visit My Facebook Community</i></a> <i>| <a href="https://www.tonicrowewriter.com/medium-news-letter-signup-page/">Subscribe to My Newsletter</a></i> <i>| <a href="https://www.tonicrowewriter.com/">Visit My Website</a></i></p><figure id="2fee"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*vzm6UTxdTd15GUAwMW9vMA.jpeg"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

PETS

Dark Wants to Take My Husband’s Place

The cat needs to get a job

“Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility.” -Stephen Baker

My cat has made it clear he wants to take my spouse’s place. I have a five-year-old Sable Ragdoll named Dark. Dark is doing all he can do as a cat to supplant my husband as the leader of our pride.

He has pulled out all of his best cat tricks.

Yesterday the cat showed me what a superb hunter he is — bringing two lizards for my dining pleasure. After he put the lizards in front of me, he sat and groomed himself, making sure I knew the lizards were for me.

When my spouse and I lie on the bed, the cat lies between us. He kneads the bed, then lays deliberately against me, blocking any portion of my spouse from touching me. If my husband moves around to put a hand on me, the cat moves to intercept him.

If my honey gets up to go anywhere, the cat will dash over to his side and lay in his spot. When he returns, Dark will not move until shooed away. When the cat moves, he returns to his place in between us.

If my honey gets up to go anywhere, the cat will dash over to his side and lay in his spot. When he returns, Dark will not move until shooed away. When the cat moves, he returns to his place in between us.

I talked with Dark. “Dark,” I said. “I know you want to be the top cat around here, but you do not have a job. It would help if you got a job to take care of me in the manner I have become accustomed to. Let me give it to you in terms you can understand.” Dark looked at me with those beautiful deep sapphire eyes and blinked slowly twice. No. Don’t distract me with blinky kisses.

“Cat food,” I said. “I cannot pay for cat food with mice or lizards. The store wants cash or a credit card. I also need to buy food for myself. Do you have any credit cards?” Dark stared at me then climbed into my lap. He gently nestled into my lap as he settled down. I don’t think he was listening to me.

“Last, Dark,” I said. “You love the heated cat bed. That bed connects to an electric utility grid to keep it warm. Again, I can try to convince the utility company to accept cat kisses, cat lap dances, and mice, but I don’t think it will work.” Dark flipped over his belly to get rubbed and made no further comment.

Well, until you get a job, a 401K, or a credit card, the big male human will live with us because we both want to continue living indoors and eating delicious food. Until then, you keep trying.

My Starter Cat, The Orange Tabby God, Cape Cod

“You never forget your first love

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Join Medium with my referral link - Toni Crowe

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

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Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

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