Daily Rituals: A barometric system for my Depression
‘You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf’ Jon Kabat-Zinn
My Depression ebbs and flows —and is most pronounced during the Winter season. I refer to it as the Heaviness.
During the pandemic, I was forced to reckon with my Depression head-on — because my world ground to a halt, in a way I had never allowed myself to slow down before.
Overnight, I lost all of my daily routines and sense of time. I was forced to leave a job I loved and lost a needed source of income. I had to become the teacher for my 6-year-old son. He told me, with tears welling up in his eyes, “I don’t want you to be my teacher, I just want you to be my mom!”
I carried constant anxiety about our health and my loved ones- like a wet scarf wrapped around my neck, constricting my breath.
I began to spiral out of control and had to find ways to realign my spirit.
My Depression manifests in a lack of motivation and my ADHD and anxiety take over, making it difficult to focus on my priorities. I begin to feel tired all the time and can’t seem to accomplish the simplest of tasks beyond the absolute necessities.
My Daily Rituals
Many things happen during a routine day in my household, but I have found that when any of my key rituals are neglected, it is a sign I am beginning to slip into a downward spiral. Maintaining my rituals requires additional time for myself — outside of the essential day-to-day responsibilities of being a mother, wife, and work projects.
When I am on an upswing, these are the rituals I honor.
✅ Make my bed
My Granny told me from a young age, even if you can’t do anything else, making your bed makes it feel like your room is clean. This first step gives me an immediate focus.
✅ Make coffee in the French Press
My cousin gave me a French Press recently and I have grown to love the slow process of brewing my coffee in the morning. This ritual helps me to be present and ease into my day. You may not drink coffee or tea — but taking time to care for your body is important in starting your day.
✅ Drink coffee on the back porch
By taking time to sit in nature, I can ground myself with an awareness of the beauty that surrounds me.
✅ Light my Altar and say my prayers
When I am able to honor and take time to call on my ancestors to guide my day, I am fueled with strength and immediately surrounded by my loved ones. Taking time to pray for my loved ones and express gratitude for the goodness in my life increases my positive outlook and centers me. If you do not pray, taking time to meditate may be a ritual worth trying.
✅ Take a shower + put on earrings and lipstick
Taking a morning shower and getting ready for my day helps my nervous system reset. I work from home the majority of the time, so it can be easy to not make the effort without having somewhere to go.
✅ Say affirmations while doing wall pushes
Total physical response is a language retention technique I learned in my educational studies during graduate school — pairing my exercise with affirmations infuses endorphins to give me a boost. My mantras include “I am Peace, I am Love, I have Courage, I speak my Truth, I am Enough.”
✅ Make breakfast
Sounds pretty straightforward — but when I am slipping downward I easily neglect my body and nutrition. I often have to remind myself — Coffee is not breakfast!
✅ Play daily games with my Husband
We have a fun way of connecting daily with two games we like to play Wordle and Heardle. These games are a nice way of easing into our day. We are both checking in and taking care of each other.
✅ Get started on work projects
As a partner of my consulting firm Full Humanity, I get to make my own schedule. This is excellent for being flexible as a working mom. However, I can easily get sidetracked or distracted — walking past the never-ending pile of laundry.
✅ Go on a lunchtime walk with our dog
This gets me moving through the day and is another connection time for my husband and me. When I begin to slip into a Depressive state, I have to find a way to keep moving.
What do you do to keep moving during the day?
As my day progresses, I continue my prayer conversations — while driving, when the whir of an ambulance speeds by, when I see a stranger in need. When I recognize the divinity in nature — the song of a bird companion on my walk.
✅ Share Roses, Thorns, and Leafs with my son
As our day concludes each night, I read with my son and he shares his day with this fun activity we learned at church. The Rose is one good thing, the Thorn is a not-so-good thing, and the Leaf is something new he learned. He tells me so much I would not likely hear otherwise and it’s a familiar anchor for our relationship.
✅ Get to bed by 11:00 pm
This is so important. I need 8 hours of sleep to function well. I have to get my son to school each morning by 7:30 am. When I am in a Depressive state, I stay up late doom scrolling, which makes my cycle longer.
When I begin to slip downward, it is imperative that I catch myself quickly. By paying attention to my daily rituals, I am making an investment in my wellness.
What are some rituals that you need for your wellness and self-care?
What new rituals would you like to include?
When I am struggling to find time and space to integrate important rituals, I start with just one — my prayer ritual. My practices grow from there.
Where would you start?
When I get into a bad place, sometimes I need a medicinal intervention. I take St. John’s Wort when I have a series of down days or when things are really bad I have a prescription for Propanalol.
If you urgently need mental health services, it is important to talk with a professional healthcare provider.
Two excellent mental crisis hotlines are 988 the Lifeline suicide and crisis hotline and 800–950-NAMI (6264). National Alliance on Mental Health has great resources for those who live in the United States.
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Skye Howell (she/her) is an Organizational Consultant with Full Humanity, Keynote Speaker, Equity Advocate, Curriculum Designer, and Storyteller. If you enjoyed this article and want to read more, please consider becoming a Medium member. Your membership fee directly supports Skye Howell (she/her) and other writers you read. You’ll also get full access to every story on Medium.