Cultivate Your Creativity by Letting go of Comparing

Are you addicted to comparing yourself to others?

I’m addicted to comparing. When I see someone doing, saying, or writing something, I feel compelled to make a comparison to what I’ve done, said, or written.

A favorite quote of mine is by Shannon L. Alder who said, “Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.” When I think about this quote, it helps me realize that when two people or things are comparable, there is no uniqueness. There is no individual personality. By comparison, they are equal, leaving both of them unremarkable.

When I was in college, I took several public speaking classes. Looking back, most of us in class found someone we enjoyed listening to and used him or her as our role model. One of my favorites was Billy Graham. He spoke with a fervent belief in every word he said. I wanted to communicate on that level, so I studied his speeches so I could speak as effectively as he did.

The instructors encouraged us to study how famous speakers spoke. We learned their techniques and nuances, and then we mimicked that person when we spoke to the class. For example, if the speaker started with an anecdotal story, we started our speech with an anecdote. If a speech started with a joke, then our speeches opened with something humorous. By comparison, we weren’t as good as the professionals, but we gave it a good college try.

At least once in every speaking class, someone would give a speech that would be different. And the difference was profound. Those speeches that I remember best were not from someone trying to imitate the style of a professional speaker. Rather, they were raw and emotional speeches. The students who tapped into their emotions didn’t speak in a professional flow of words. Instead, they spoke in a way that reached into my heart and caused it to clinch. Their speeches left me not only with an aching heart but a changed mind.

While striving to be unique, work on being incomparable.

It’s a rare day that I don’t, at some point, ask myself how I can write something unique. I’ll be honest, it’s a struggle because it’s a hopeless endeavor.

I came across this quote that helped me better understand my own senseless striving toward unique writing. “Don’t always be appraising yourself, wondering if you are better or worse than other writers. ‘I will not Reason and Compare,’ said Blake; ‘my business is to Create.’ Besides, since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of Time, you are incomparable.” ― Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit

Even if I could come up with a unique idea today, it’s a near guarantee I won’t be able to repeat it tomorrow and then the next day and the next. But I can be incomparable every day because I am incomparable.

And so are you.

Whatever you do, make yourself memorable

The other day, I was watching a commercial. It mesmerized me. There was a lot of action, a great music score, and famous actors. While I watched the commercial, I felt compelled to place an order.

A little while after the commercial ended, I asked my wife what was being sold. She couldn’t remember and neither could I. An hour later, I couldn’t remember the company name. As I write this, I can’t remember the gist of the commercial. I asked my wife about it, and she can’t remember it either.

The advertisers made a fundamental mistake. They produced an exciting commercial, but they didn’t make it memorable.

When I think of famous people, they stand out in my mind as being memorable for themselves. As an author, Stephen King is in a class of his own. As a golfer, Tiger Woods will always be the golfer. Barack Obama is the first black president. When people talk about other people, they will say, “She writes like Stephen King.” Or, “He has a swing like Tiger Woods.” Or, “He reminds me of Barack Obama.”

When you are memorable, you stand by yourself. People may compare others with you, but you will have no one they will compare you to.

Being memorable takes time. If you are a writer, write from your heart and don’t mimic other writers. If you are a speaker, develop your own way of speaking. You don’t have to be the most polished writer, speaker, or painter, but if you develop your own, unique style, you will become memorable in time.

Be confident in yourself and what you do

Some people are born with confidence, some learn to develop it, and some people never figure it out. That may be harsh, but it’s true.

Being creative at anything takes guts. And many of us who create are insecure about our work. If we are an artist, and we paint a mountain scene, all we see is how the perspective is off, or the lake’s colors aren’t quite right. If we write an article or story, we think about what we could have explained better or fleshed out more. We agonize over sentences and fret about how people will react. We rewrite sentences over and over until we finally give up.

Beneath our emotion is our comparing ourselves to someone else. Instead of being confident that the picture we’ve painted is the best we can do, or the article we’ve written will help someone, we think that another artist or writer would have done it better.

In most cases, people won’t notice a perspective problem or they’ll assume that’s how you wanted to paint it. If the information in an article is light, they will believe it was intentional. They take the picture in its entirety and love it as much for its flaws as its perfection. And when they read your story or article, they want to read your thoughts, hoping it will help them with an issue in their life.

Be proud of you

When we create something, we are pulling a new thing out of who we are. It never existed before we brought it to the world. It may have flaws and mistakes, but it is our creation. And we should be proud of it.

If we work at being original, our painting won’t look like someone else's. Our writing won’t read like another writer’s work. And it shouldn’t because it’s one of a kind.

I often catch myself comparing what I’ve written to other writers who write about the same topics. And I never feel good about my work after I’ve compared it. I wonder how many writers do the same thing with their work when comparing it with mine.

So let’s agree to stop comparing and start being proud of what we’ve created.

Are you addicted to comparing yourself to others?