Life Lessons, Women, Crying
Crying at the Workplace
Why women need a safe space to talk at work.
I finally cried today.
It wasn’t the full-blown, snotty nose, heaving chest that I was hoping for, but I let the tears escape and didn’t wipe them away. It happened at my workplace during a monthly “women’s lunch meeting” with a small group of my co-workers. We typically meet in person at one of our company’s boardrooms, but we’ve been connecting via Zoom instead due to the pandemic restrictions. The topics we talk about vary from open conversations about anything that comes up during the hour, such as work, parenting, social justice, etc. (from light-hearted to heavy), or specific subjects or presentations that have been pre-arranged for discussion.
We opened the conversation by taking turns telling each other how we’re doing, and when it was my turn to speak, I told them I was doing okay. “My life is fine, and there’s nothing really in particular or drastic that’s been going on, but I feel like I’m on the verge of tears, but I can’t seem to get them out. I’ve been holding onto stress and anxiety (for several months), and although I know what I need to do to get me out of this unhealthy headspace, like getting out every day for fresh air and exercising, I lack the motivation to get there.”
I took a breath. I saw the calm, nodding faces, quiet screen.
Then the tears came.
I let them out, talked a bit more, and I was heard. It was a stress release. I could’ve left my desk to go to the washroom and cried my heart out in private, but I wanted to stay seated in my office chair, be present, and listen to the other women’s stories. Maybe it felt safe to cry because I didn’t have a camera set up at my desk, and the others could hear my voice but couldn’t see my face.
Although I don’t know any of the women that well beyond the occasional in-person meeting, lunch, or coffee pre-Covid, I knew it was a safe place to talk, share, and not be judged. I didn’t feel awkward crying because I knew I wasn’t the only person experiencing sadness, depression, or anxiety. We were all struggling through the emotional impact of the pandemic in some way.
It was comforting to touch my wet cheeks with my fingertips. It released some tension and stress — making the next task or decision in my head seem less daunting.
Women need safe spaces at the workplace.
Women need safe spaces to talk, share and support each other at the workplace. It’s a way to stay connected, especially when we can’t visit each other in person socially or beyond our own departments’ confines. For working parents like myself who commute to the office, the workplace offers me “a break” from childcare and household responsibilities by giving some separation from home and office and a chance to communicate with other adults. Our lunch group welcomes all women staff and those who identify as women, and it’s promoted as a safe, trusting, reliable space that gives us the permission and freedom to talk with each other, listen, and be heard.
According to an article in Psychology Today, written by Diane Dreher, Ph.D., Why Talking About Our Problems Makes Us Feel Better, “talking about our problems and verbalizing our negative feelings to friends has been a source of relief for centuries.”
Studies have shown that simply talking about our problems and sharing our negative emotions with someone we trust can be profoundly healing — reducing stress, strengthening our immune system, and reducing physical and emotional distress. — Diane Dreher Ph.D. (Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser, & Glaser, 1988).
According to the UK Mental Health Foundation, these are some benefits of talking about your feelings:
Talking about your feelings can help you stay in good mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled.
Talking about your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s part of taking charge of your wellbeing and doing what you can to stay healthy.
Talking can be a way to cope with a problem you’ve been carrying around in your head for a while. Just being listened to can help you feel supported and less alone. And it works both ways. If you open up, it might encourage others to do the same.
Talk, listen and cry if you need to.
Today, it wasn’t the unbridled “don’t hold back” type of crying session I desperately needed that I wrote about in the article (that discusses the benefits of crying) “A Cookie, Cry & Conversation,” but it was a good start. I wasn’t expecting myself to cry, but I was so relieved that I did. A few moments of talking, listening, and crying enabled me to find some calmness, clarity, and reassurance during my lunch break, and after a brisk afternoon walk in the winter cold air, I found renewed strength to make it through the evening to become more engaged and present for my family.
Tomorrow’s a new day, and I can see things with a brighter, lighter perspective. I’m grateful for the women I work with for creating a safe space to talk, listen and cry (and for giving me unspoken “permission” to let go) — it’s exactly what I needed today.
About the Author: Mary Chang is an award-winning short story fiction writer, published memoir article writer, blogger, and newbie Medium writer striving to become a better human, parent & writer. Her stories are inspired by exercise, humor & people. Fueled by cartwheels, laughter, and a good talk, listen and cry. Check out her blog at marychangstorywriter.com.
