Cruising Through the Tides of Expat Life
From the diary of a former expat
Life as an expat can be heady at first, but it can get lonely too.
You may have read glamourized accounts of expat life. So I am going to try a more de-glamourized and vulnerable one.
The most exciting phase is when and how it starts. Then it’s about how you evolve, and manage the constant gushing of blood to your head.
My secret: I found my oasis in the desert. Read on to learn more.
How it started?
It was back in 2014. My manager offered me an opportunity to build a closer relationship with my 1-up manager when she realized I had international dreams.
I was in India, and my 1-up manager was in the US. I prepared for weeks to share my work with her in excitement. But during the presentation, I had a realization. I wasn’t conveying what I needed help with.
On the spot, I changed the conversation and was vulnerable. I trusted her and mentioned I had trouble speaking up during college, having studied in male-dominated environments. This behavior carried over to the workplace. And I didn’t know how to solve this problem on my own.
To my surprise, I immediately sensed an understanding.
Soon after, I started getting opportunities to develop myself. I spoke up in meetings without being self-conscious. And presented to leaders 3–4 levels above me on a global scale.
My work finally led me to be the first person ever in my department to move from India to Europe in an expat role.
Luckily, it worked out. But I didn’t think my workplace could give me this opportunity. So I had kept other likely routes open. I suggest you do it too.
The Dream Life Begins
I was living my dream life in Belgium and Paris.
This picture is from the honeymoon phase of my expat life. The honeymoon phase is the time at the beginning of an international move. You may see everything from rose-tinted glasses in this phase.
I had lived in Paris for a few months since moving from India. Then I had moved to Brussels. My husband and I were living in two different cities, and we met over the weekends. He was in Paris studying.
Every night in Brussels, I used to binge-watch Gilmore Girls, which I knew my husband would not watch. I guess it numbed the loneliness a little.
I also got into the habit of skipping dinner and having a Belgian chocolate waffle for dinner. After a month, I experienced dental issues for the first time in my life and stopped the waffle dinners, thankfully. I didn’t stop Gilmore Girls though. It went on for months.
The honeymoon phase seems easy. But if not managed right, it can derail your entire experience.
Remember to take care of yourself and be in touch with reality. This is when I realized the need for people I could be real with. I call them ‘oasis in the desert.’ Luckily, I found these people, and this turned the tide.
The Journey Within
Once you’ve soaked in the new environment to the fullest, there comes a time you decide to look within and get to know yourself in this new environment.
This time for me was when I realized I am an ambivert.
I had spent a long time trying to tell myself I am an extrovert who derives her energy from others. I felt dazed and confused, as I walked exhausted from some social interactions.
Then, I tried introversion. Sitting at home with a book over the weekend. It didn’t go too well. I realized I needed to be around more people more often.
The right balance has taken a while to figure out. I need a good mix of both.
It involves a strong preservation of me-time, timing the social interactions, and knowing energy peaks and troughs well.
Lastly
If you are looking to live abroad, I would highly recommend you to consider these aspects :
- Know the initial phase of ‘honeymoon period’ is tricky, so have strategies to navigate this.
- Find your people who can be your ‘oasis in the desert.’
- Go within if you need to, once you soak it all in.
If you’re planning a life abroad, you could benefit from my newly launched e-book on this topic. Link below.
More by the Author :