FEBRUARY THEME: BRIDGES

Crossing the Hudson Looking for Love

A more profound metaphor for bridges that connect

Like many others, I have always had a fascination for bridges. It began by understanding how they are built from an architectural and design standpoint.

I wondered: How deep is the water? How do they anchor the beams to the bottom of the river or ocean?

In my hometown in India, I had to cross one bridge or another to access the rest of the city. The water levels under the bridge directly indicated our city's drought and water shortage. There were times when I would see children playing cricket under the bridge.

Once I moved to New York, it was bridges galore. Scott-Ryan Abt already covered the bridges over the East River. I will travel up north with you along the Hudson River.

The Hudson

The Hudson River is 315 miles long, starting up at the Adirondack Mountains, flowing south through the Hudson Valley, making its way between New York and New Jersey into the New York Harbor and joining the Atlantic Ocean. It is one of the most scenic rides along the river going north to Upstate New York or the reverse.

Aside from the Holland and Lincoln tunnels connecting New York to New Jersey, the George Washington (GW) Bridge is the first one going over the Hudson River.

GW Bridge is a double-decked suspension bridge that connects the towns of Washington Heights in upper Manhattan and Fort Lee in New Jersey. It is 93 years old, only a few years younger than San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge, but it stands pretty against the city’s skyline.

Travel about 22 miles up north, and we come to the spanking-new Governor Mario Cuomo Bridge, which connects Tarrytown, NY, to Nyack, NY. It spans the Tappen Zee section of the river and replaced the old Tappen Zee Bridge that was taken down after the new one was built.

The 4th of July fireworks over the bridge are a sight to watch. The bridge also wears different colored lights each day. There is a walking path to the bridge. Some friends and I once planned to take the kids to walk the bridge, but the path was closed due to high winds.

Metaphor with the bridge

After my divorce, I was apprehensive about entering the dating world. When I first downloaded the app, I entered the distance preference to a 15–20 mile radius.

I didn’t want to be matched with people who lived too far, and I didn’t want to cross the bridge.

Why? It was more a fear of the unknown. I didn’t want to venture into unknown territory. Maybe it was just my excuse to cover up the anxiety of putting myself out there.

When I had no luck with the initial parameters, I expanded my radius to 25–30 miles. This opened up to men in New York City and west of the Hudson River.

Yikes! The only times I’ve had to cross the Hudson was to visit some friends in New Jersey or take road trips to DC.

Within a week of changing my settings, I matched with a man from New Jersey. He suggested a first date in Nyack, NY, closer to me than him. I had to take the Mario Cuomo Bridge to get there. It was my first time visiting Nyack. We both enjoyed our first meeting.

A second date was planned for the following week. He had never been to Tarrytown, so I invited him to meet me at a restaurant on the river. This time, he had to cross the bridge to see me.

One date led to the next, and 17 months later, we are still together in a committed relationship.

With lower toll rates than the GW Bridge, the Mario Cuomo Bridge has become our best friend. We use that bridge 1–2 times weekly to visit each other.

The bridge holds more meaning than just connecting us by road. It stands as a metaphor for overcoming my fears to cross over and explore the possibilities that lie on the other side.

On getting to know him, I realized that he, too, had some fears and apprehensions which he had to overcome. After many years of seeking a single woman, he expanded his search to include women with children.

The timing was right.

We connected because we were willing to step outside our comfort zones for love, companionship, and friendship. And we found that in each other.

With a common interest in exploring the Hudson Valley Region, we have visited several river towns, crossing several other bridges further north.

In many ways, if it weren’t for the bridge, I don’t think I would have made it to my first date. Crossing that bridge, literally and figuratively, changed my life. Even today, the bridge allows the two of us to stay connected.

I have always believed that the fears that stop us from doing things and the courage that propels us to move ahead are two sides of the same coin.

My two cents worth of (unsolicited) advice: Cross that bridge. You owe it to yourself!

The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is. — Eckhart Tolle.

More stories about bridges with Michele Maize covering some on the West Coast.

Scott-Ryan Abt covers the East River.