Criticism vs. Praise: The Battle to Obtain Inner Peace

#2 December Challenge Response

Prompt Part 1: Do you work harder to gain praise or to avoid criticism? Which motivates you more? Are you like Tinkerbelle, and you need applause to live? Or are you destroyed by being told you’ve done something wrong? Neither is not an option. One of these things drives you more, whether you realize it or not. Think. Dig Deep. And then explain.

Prompt Part 2: As it’s the holiday season — apply your response to gift-giving. When choosing a gift for someone, what are the factors involved? What motivates you more [regarding] a gift — sentimental or monetary value? Are you more likely to give a gift that took [time] and effort or cost a lot of money and had shock and awe appeal? Does this vary by the gift recipient? Think. Dig Deep. And then explain.

Prompt 1 Answer: I know you stated that neither can be an option, but what about both, depending on the scenario? One of my love languages is words of affirmation, so if I don’t hear that I’m doing a great job, I automatically assume that I’m doing a terrible job and no one has mentioned it.

For the record, the older I become, the more I dislike “love language” conversations. Knowing one’s love language has replaced “what’s your sign?” when dating. It’s supposed to be more intellectual, but I’ve heard it so much that its value decreased over time.

I want to add “attachment style” to the list. It shows that no matter how much we wear a mask, we all have flaws and battle internal demons daily. Knowing that I have an anxious attachment style automatically puts me on the “you’re screwed in the head” list. I’m in my mid to late thirties, and I still want praise and approval from my parents because it lets them and myself know that I’m alive and I exist.

After thinking about it, I’m an introvert (a made-up concept), have an anxious attachment style, love words of affirmation, and am a perfectionist. I don’t like being wrong, I don’t like doing wrong, and I can be stubborn and bullheaded at times; being wrong embarrasses me, so I take my time to answer questions and participate in one-sided conversations with being the listener.

It all goes back to self-esteem and self-worth. I’ve always had issues with those two words; my Reiki Therapist will debunk my knowledge because she says my energy screams confidence, but I’m so protective of it that I don’t want to display it for some stupid reason. I will need more trips to the therapist once I find one I can afford.

So, yes, I’m the Tinkerbell. I want the applause that I’m doing a good job and keeping up the good work because that’s the only way I will not feel invisible to people. I never want to show the flaws first because people will run if you ask me how well that’s working; I will say it’s not, but it makes sense.

Look, I’m a hot mess, but I guarantee you if you look down, you’ll see yourself sitting in your shit. Don’t judge. Understand.

Prompt 2 Answer: I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I give gifts sometimes; I purchase precisely what the person wants, and other times, I base my gift-giving on their personalities and what they enjoy the most. For example, my sister likes to paint so guess what I will buy her? More paint materials.

My other sister loves candles; guess what I’ll get her as a gift? Candles. The only person I can’t shop for is my brother because he’s so low-maintenance and never really expresses what he wants. The last gift I purchased him was a money clip, and I don’t think he even uses that, at least not to my knowledge.

My dad loves fishing, so I bought him a Bass Proshop gift card. You have to want to know about the people you want to get gifts for before you start wasting money and having gift receipts.

As of late, the most convenient way to purchase a gift is for them to create an Amazon gift list and send it out to those who want to buy something off of the list. Instead of guessing, you will know because it’s on the list. I’m tired of having a lot of stuff.

I’m trying to create the mentality of using what I have first and thinking about replacing the item if it’s something I find helpful that makes my life “easier.” If you had to purchase me anything, it would be Starbucks, Indoor plants, and money; other than that, I’m not open to adding more clothes or cute and fun Amazon finds that every “influencer” posts about on social media.

The key to lavish gift-giving is paying attention to the person you want to buy a gift, for sometimes they provide clues or display struggles they may not complain about. You can purchase the gift once you’ve got a handle on that. I once had a coworker who was fascinated with owls.

Every time I took a trip to Dollar Tree or 99 Cent store, I would find cute items with owls on them. I’ve purchased mugs, pens, sticky notes, and a small notepad with an owl theme to take work notes. It was fun for me, and it was always surprising to her because she wouldn’t expect what I bought her.

Purchasing gifts for others is fun; itdoesn’t always have to be around the holidays.

The first part of this prompt seems perfect for this publication because it allows us to think long and hard and be honest with ourselves. To reach that second healing phase, we must “know thyself” the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Tagging Ruby Noir 😈