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2070

Abstract

Doctor at a reproductive health clinic</h2><p id="4801">I sat waiting on the examination table. The doctor poked her head through the doorway. “You are really, really not pregnant,” she said and disappeared. Good thing I wasn’t trying!</p><h2 id="2113">Nurse at the ER after a severe cat bite.</h2><p id="f859">This nurse fished around inside my arm with a needle trying to find a vein to hook me to antibiotics after a nasty cat bite.</p><p id="6637">“Giiiiiirl!” he said in fake AAVE, maybe trying to blame me that he couldn’t figure out how to do his job. He never found the vein. Before that, he couldn’t take the plastic of the syringe. He was like, “Can you do this for me?”</p><p id="9376">I actually couldn’t because my arm was injured. “What? You can’t move it at all?” he said. I can move my arm, but the question is, do you want me to scream.</p><p id="870e">It didn’t help that he told me he was a full-time firefighter. Did he break into the ER posing as a nurse to jab people, unsuccessfully, with needles?</p><h1 id="526e">Therapists</h1><h2 id="0e31">LICSW</h2><p id="c69b">During therapy as I talked about my relationship, she said, “You´re like a pitbull, once you grab onto something you never let go.” This comment was especially annoying because it was during couple’s therapy. My partner held this over my head forever!</p><p id="e717">This same therapist left me a voice message one day. “Can I use your insurance to reimburse me for a session we didn’t have?”</p><p id="4073">I called back. She picked up. “No, I would rather you didn’t,” I told her. “Oops. I already did it,” she said.</p><h2 id="627c">Psychologist</h2><p id="a094">After I broke up with what I considered at the time a long-term boyfriend in college, I went to see a psychologist. She said, “I think you should work on your issues about being adopted by white people.”</p><p id="0bae">I explained that I had come in to talk about the end of my romantic relationship, and I wasn’t interested in that. She huffed, “You don’t want to explore that with <i>me</i>? Do you mean you d

Options

on’t feel less loved because you were adopted? Surely this is a big problem. I think you ought to look at this.”</p><p id="2c6e">A few sessions later, I said I no longer wanted to work with her because she didn’t seem to help. She said, “You can stop seeing me, but that won´t change the problem, it will continue with you.”</p><p id="24e7">I got 99 problems, and a bad therapist ain’t one.</p><h2 id="0cca">Therapist</h2><p id="a0bb">She squints at me from across the room, legs folded, and notepad across her lap. “So, why did your mom adopt so many children?”</p><p id="2d9a">I was taken aback. “Is this a normal question you ask? Do you ask people whose parents gave birth to their siblings why they birthed so many children?”</p><p id="7bcc">She cocked her head. “Why do you assume I don’t?” What a perfect, therapisty non-answer.</p><h2 id="1708">Psychologist 2</h2><p id="7fb4">I met up with a psychologist for the same breakup listed before. This was after a year abroad in South Africa. This was our second session. She sat at the opposite end of the room, expressionless face, writing in a yellow notepad. Her glasses covered almost all of her face.</p><p id="385c">She cleared her throat. “From all you have told me, I would say you are mild to moderately depressed. Shyness and depression are found on the same gene. You are cold and distant. How does that make you feel?”</p><p id="77a2">It actually made me feel alienated and terrible and I started to cry. ‘Was that how therapy should make me feel?’ I asked myself. I guess it’s working!</p><p id="b8e2">After all these many years, and as a therapist myself, I can see that many therapists just don’t have the right touch. Please, health care professionals, work on your manner. Not just bedside manner, your all-around manner. Stick to what you were trained to do, attend to the best practices of scientific interventions and mental health theories. Don’t stray into bizarre territory trying to be cute. It doesn’t end well.</p><p id="029a">Thank you for reading!</p><p id="871e">~MJ</p></article></body>

Cringey Doctors and Therapists, Oh My!

Please don’t practice bad, awkward, misinformed ways. You can make a mess!

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash, Adapted by Author on Canva

People often critique health care professionals for their lack of bedside manner because sometimes they say things that alarm you, and enrage you at the same time. I will share some strange comments that I have received from health care professionals that were, well, unhealthy and unprofessional.

Doctors & Nurses

Doctor at a clinic

I explained that my stomach was hurting so he took my vitals. “How old are you?” he asked. I replied that I was 36. He said, “If you were 38, I would say you have cancer.”

This was a shock to the system, and highly unscientific. I didn’t know whether I should scoff at him, or worry about his prediction.

Gynecologist

In the middle of a pelvic exam, the doctor asked how many kids I had had. I replied that I didn’t have any. He said, “Hmmm….really?” Oh, thanks for reminding me. I must have forgotten. I actually have six kids. Yes, really!

Was he saying something about my parts, indicating they were out of whack for not having children? I didn’t know, and I didn’t ask. I just wanted out of there.

Otolaryngologist

I explain that my ears felt blocked up. He looked inside each ear and said, “If this keeps up, you’re going to be deaf within a year.” I got a second opinion and it turned out to be earwax buildup.

Doctor at a reproductive health clinic

I sat waiting on the examination table. The doctor poked her head through the doorway. “You are really, really not pregnant,” she said and disappeared. Good thing I wasn’t trying!

Nurse at the ER after a severe cat bite.

This nurse fished around inside my arm with a needle trying to find a vein to hook me to antibiotics after a nasty cat bite.

“Giiiiiirl!” he said in fake AAVE, maybe trying to blame me that he couldn’t figure out how to do his job. He never found the vein. Before that, he couldn’t take the plastic of the syringe. He was like, “Can you do this for me?”

I actually couldn’t because my arm was injured. “What? You can’t move it at all?” he said. I can move my arm, but the question is, do you want me to scream.

It didn’t help that he told me he was a full-time firefighter. Did he break into the ER posing as a nurse to jab people, unsuccessfully, with needles?

Therapists

LICSW

During therapy as I talked about my relationship, she said, “You´re like a pitbull, once you grab onto something you never let go.” This comment was especially annoying because it was during couple’s therapy. My partner held this over my head forever!

This same therapist left me a voice message one day. “Can I use your insurance to reimburse me for a session we didn’t have?”

I called back. She picked up. “No, I would rather you didn’t,” I told her. “Oops. I already did it,” she said.

Psychologist

After I broke up with what I considered at the time a long-term boyfriend in college, I went to see a psychologist. She said, “I think you should work on your issues about being adopted by white people.”

I explained that I had come in to talk about the end of my romantic relationship, and I wasn’t interested in that. She huffed, “You don’t want to explore that with me? Do you mean you don’t feel less loved because you were adopted? Surely this is a big problem. I think you ought to look at this.”

A few sessions later, I said I no longer wanted to work with her because she didn’t seem to help. She said, “You can stop seeing me, but that won´t change the problem, it will continue with you.”

I got 99 problems, and a bad therapist ain’t one.

Therapist

She squints at me from across the room, legs folded, and notepad across her lap. “So, why did your mom adopt so many children?”

I was taken aback. “Is this a normal question you ask? Do you ask people whose parents gave birth to their siblings why they birthed so many children?”

She cocked her head. “Why do you assume I don’t?” What a perfect, therapisty non-answer.

Psychologist 2

I met up with a psychologist for the same breakup listed before. This was after a year abroad in South Africa. This was our second session. She sat at the opposite end of the room, expressionless face, writing in a yellow notepad. Her glasses covered almost all of her face.

She cleared her throat. “From all you have told me, I would say you are mild to moderately depressed. Shyness and depression are found on the same gene. You are cold and distant. How does that make you feel?”

It actually made me feel alienated and terrible and I started to cry. ‘Was that how therapy should make me feel?’ I asked myself. I guess it’s working!

After all these many years, and as a therapist myself, I can see that many therapists just don’t have the right touch. Please, health care professionals, work on your manner. Not just bedside manner, your all-around manner. Stick to what you were trained to do, attend to the best practices of scientific interventions and mental health theories. Don’t stray into bizarre territory trying to be cute. It doesn’t end well.

Thank you for reading!

~MJ