Create Your Life Pattern and Thrive

Choose meanings that unify your private and public selves

Meaning is something you create in your life as it unfolds. You are the only one who can do this, whether from whole cloth or meanings borrowed from others.

This essay will explore some of the sources of meaning and how you use these sources to create scripts and lines of action. Those patterns constitute the building blocks for what you do through the years.

Sources of Meaning

To have meaning is to have a settled aim or purpose attached to your life. Meaning, Viktor Frankl argued, comes from three things: the work we practice, the love we give, and our ability to display courage.

Of these three sources, work appears a primary source of a settled aim or purpose, at least in the early years.

My initial purpose in work was to become a sociologist and teach others about social structure, socialization, and deviance. Later, as I fell out of the teaching role, my purpose changed to researching personal development and how people change.

This change evokes another source of meaning: the stories we tell about our lives. As David Brooks points out, stories often tie our moments of suffering to a larger narrative of redemption.

I have the larger narrative of redemption focused on recovering my self-respect. The only suffering I have encountered is the regret of not doing more to achieve more significant improvements.

Uses of Narrative

But how we cope with failure and downturns depends on how we conceive of our story. These adaptations are highlighted by how we go out and live out that story.

John Gardner (Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare (HEW) under President Lyndon Johnson) gave a speech to the Stanford Alumni Association 61 years after he graduated from that university. The address is chock-full of practical wisdom. I especially liked this passage:

“The things you learn in maturity aren’t simple things such as acquiring information and skills. You learn not to engage in self-destructive behavior. You learn not to burn up energy in anxiety. You discover how to manage your tensions. You learn that self-pity and resentment are among the most toxic of drugs. You find that the world loves talent but pays off on character.

You learn that no matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you, a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing.”

Gardner goes on in this way. And then, in the end, he goes into a discourse about leading a meaningful life.

“Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life”

Meaning and Life Choices

Perhaps you can relate to these ideas, for they speak to how we choose a purpose or meaning and then live it out in our work and careers. The specific actions we implement follow this purpose: writing, reading, career tasks, self-care, manufacturing, providing professional services, etc.

A narrative or story is an account of a series of related events, experiences, or the like, whether actual (episode, vignette, travelogue, memoir, autobiography, biography) or fictitious (fairy tale, fable, story, epic, legend, novel).

Narrative Psychology

Narrative psychology is concerned with the “storied nature of human conduct.” We deal with experience by observing stories and listening to the stories of others.

Most of our activities consist of pursuing ‘meanings’ and executing stories.

Most human activities and experiences comprise “meaning” and stories rather than logical arguments or lawful formulations — narrative psychology studies how human beings construct these stories.

The narrative allows us to articulate life experiences in a meaningful way.

A person’s life story becomes a form of identity subject to interpretation. Does it reflect your inner life or your functional role in the community? Does it originate inside you, or are you already occupying an existing position and function?

I have found that you feel more fulfilled and empowered when your private and public self is consistent and intermixed. Living this ideal has taught me this is the right path to self-respect.

Conclusion

Meanings in life offer several choices. You can make choices that most reflect your inner interests and values. When those values and interests express your public roles, you will feel empowered at an elevated level. Then your public positions become the royal route to self-respect.

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