Create a Mental Barrier to Protect Yourself from Toxic Family drama

Use these three strategies to deal with second-hand stress.

Somedays I wish I had a normal family.

But then again, no family is ever normal.

Instead of spending time thinking about what’s normal and what isn’t (which is individual anyway), we need to work with what we’ve got.

We cannot choose our family. But we sure can choose to prioritize our mental health.

Your tone matters the most

Tone is everything when it comes to conflict. A simple argument can escalate to a full-blown fight in seconds if you use the wrong tone.

All that gets you is even more stress.

A snide and sarcastic tone will never help you solve the issue. And the person who most uses it is generally a part of the problem.

So, be assertive, not rude.

Use your voice to clarify and not complicate things.

Scream into your pillow and not in people’s faces.

Please don’t play the victim

People nowadays advertise their suffering like it is a badge of honor. Don’t be that person.

Life is not fair and we all are suffering. Suffering is the norm and not the exception.

Ranting about how you are ill-treated is not gonna do you any good. Instead, take action to change your situation.

The first step will take a massive effort, but then things will get easier.

Suffering is fashionable. But it’s not good for you to dwell on it.

There’s a time and place to address grievances. Choose yours wisely.

Don’t Ever Eavesdrop

I know what it feels like when people you trust say shit about you behind your back.

But your life is not controlled by other people’s opinions of you. It is shaped around what you think about yourself.

What people are saying behind your back is none of your damn business.

Remember: if the bullshit they are saying about you was true, they would have the courage to say it to your face. Instead, they’re likely just “letting off steam” and being petty.

Let them say whatever they want. Barking dogs seldom bite.

You know in your heart if you are right or not.

If you are wrong, apologize. If you are right, stay quiet.

And if the walls are too thin to let you ignore what’s being said, then leave your house and get some fresh air and perspective. The truth will reveal itself in time.

The key factor in every conflict

You can learn a lot about a person when they are angry. Listen to them, and bookmark their mistakes in your head so that you don’t repeat them.

My father taught me how not to behave. This is the bitter truth, but it has made my life better.

Learning from other people’s mistakes and shortcomings will make you a better person.

So, listen and pay close attention to what everyone is saying, use your reasoning to find the real culprit.

You can teach yourself to act and think fairly and kindly. If you take away the right lessons, your environment will make you better instead of worse.

If you can’t run away, distance yourself

Sometimes the burden is too heavy to carry. You want to run away, leave it all behind. But you can’t.

You don’t have the courage or circumstances to leave your family. It is okay. Many people are in the same boat as you.

But you can distance yourself from them. Take a break get out of the house and go for a walk.

Physical distance is important if you don’t want your relationships to combust in flames.

3 Practical Ways I cope with second-hand stress

Get it all out

I have been journaling for more than seven years now, and not once have I felt disappointed after writing an entry.

Journaling has proved to be a game-changer for my mental health.

I write down everything I am feeling without a censor or filter. So, my journal is filled with filth. I write at least ten cuss words, in three languages on every page.

It is my optimal source of venting. I rant, complain, and cry about the unfairness of life in my journal.

And I advise you do the same. Write about whatever is bugging you, no matter how minuscule it is. Just write it out.

I have learned so much about myself from writing a journal. My cognitive biases and dissonance became as clear as day.

Note: If there’s a chance your family might read it — well, you need to know that’s a terrible breach of privacy. But it’s easy to work around. You can always just use a digital journal (and avoid autosaving the password).

Run for your mental health

Physical fitness is a key component of mental health. You need to live an active life to maintain your mental peace.

My favorite sport after a big fight is running. I know I cannot run away from my problems, but I can run to forget about them.

Running has given me the freedom to create physical distance from the source of my annoyance. It is my coping mechanism. It also leaves me feeling clear-headed and calm.

The best stress buster is exercise. If you are not a fan of running, then try any other sport or program. Just decide beforehand whether you work better solo or in a group (especially when you’re agitated).

Schedule your overthinking

Meditation is not as complicated as we make it out to be. The simplest way to meditate is to lie down and breathe. Just close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

You can’t ignore your thoughts, no matter how hard you try. The more you try to ignore a thought, the more it will plague you.

Instead, you have to accept it.

Give yourself an overthinking time slot, and let your imagination run wild. When it ends, you have to come back to reality.

And the best way to do that is by focusing on the current moment. So, give mediation a try.

Takeaway

Your family has the potential to drive you insane. They know you better than anyone. So, they can easily target your vulnerabilities and insecurities.

The easiest way to avoid the drama is by creating physical distance. But if you can’t do that, then practice mental resilience. Don’t let them drag you down to their level.

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