Crazy Stuff Only Language Nuts Do

When you have polyglotism on the brain

You’re a language addict if…

• You need to decide what language you will think in for the next couple hours.
• You watch a Brazilian TV serial in the original Portuguese with Spanish subtitles, to try and improve two of your “fledgling” languages in one go. (A Vida Secreta dos Casais/ La Vida Secreta de las Parejas on Prime.)
• You always lift the Nexos magazine from an American Airlines flight because it has identical articles in Spanish and Portuguese, side by side.
• You attempt to read an airline magazine article in modern Greek although you only studied Ancient Greek, that too a long, long time ago. You are aware that some vowels sound different now, from listening to Theodorakis (and Dalaras) songs.
• When you’re in India you watch late-night True Crime TV shows (Savdhaan India and Crime Patrol) to improve your Hindi and then can’t sleep because you’re alone in the house.
• You needed to temporarily “forget” Italian in order to learn Spanish.
• Now you need to push aside the Spanish in order to absorb some Catalan and/or Portuguese whenever you have a chance.
• You love watching old, black-and-white Egyptian movies to contrast the dialect with that of a glossy Emirati series like “Justice” (Qalb al Adalah).
• You repeat useful Arabic phrases aloud while watching subtitled Kuwaiti soap operas (like “My Pride”) on Netflix by yourself.
• You notice interesting details like, Kuwaitis say Inshallah when asked to do something and then do it right away, while Indian Urdu speakers answer Inshallah when they have absolutely no intention of doing what they’re asked.
• You try out phrases picked up from Korean dramas at the dry cleaners’ and in your favorite Korean restaurant (unfortunately you usually don’t understand the answer).
• You give yourself a point for every word or sentence you understand in a Chinese or Japanese movie (clue: very few!).
• You go crazy reading a text that has unfamiliar names of places or persons without proper diacritical marks to show you the correct pronunciation.
• You chat away all night in passable Urdu with your husband’s extended family, but when he addresses you in that language at home, you give him a blank stare (because English has always been your common language).