Birthday Party Gets out of Hand, and Takes over the Local Airwaves
Crazy redhead, eight ‘lil rascals delay collegiate basketball game
“Who farted?”
“Why do I have to sit on the hump?”
Smack! One of the young travelers pops his Hubba Bubba gum. Loudly.
Foot odor, body odor, and bad breath are all aboard along with six eight- and nine-year-olds. We’re all squished like clowns into a Chevy Chase-like station wagon for my ninth birthday back on January 27, 1976, preparing to invade and take over the local Pizza Hut in Dunkirk, New York.
“Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band can barely be heard on the car radio as the party pulls into the pizza parlor parking lot.
Energetically, we barge into the restaurant like mobsters. Arguing, yelling, pushing, laughing, burping. All the quietly eating patrons immediately glance over at us and shake their heads in disapproval.
The young waitress rolls her eyes, and welcomes our long-haired, rowdy, corduroyed crew, checking her watch to see when her shift is over.
Simon and Garfunkel’s “Slip Slidin’ Away” then “Renegade” by Styx plays on the restaurant jukebox. More pitchers of pop are consumed than beer at a Bills’ tailgate party. Six spitballs are spotted soaring in the air. Two cups of soda spilled. Then, our hungry herd wolf down four large pepperoni pies.
Off to the main event
The whole restaurant is relieved when my parents pay the pizza bill and we leave like herds of buffaloes. Our next destination is Dodds Hall for a college basketball tilt between the SUNY Fredonia State Blue Devils and the Cortland State Red Dragons.
Our moppy-headed motley crew arrives right as the starting buzzer resonates throughout the tiny, crowded gymnasium. The aroma of popcorn fills the small 1970s wood-bleachered gym, and lobby.
It’s an uneventful first half albeit numerous trips to the bathroom, lots of pushing and arguing, more soda guzzled, popcorn chomped, spit out, spilled, and thrown at not-to-happy neighbors.
Five-foot-eight Danny Tramuda bounce passes to Jeff Beal for a Blue Devil bucket as the first-half buzzer blares.
“And that’s the end of the first half .. Fredonia 11, Cortland State 8”
Dad whispers to my mom he’s taking the presents home so there’ll be more room in the car.
Mayhem ensues
With the two teams in the locker room, an empty court, a miniature basketball, and ten restless, rambunctious kids amped on caffeine, the gym morphs into a combination of Chucky Cheese and a three-ringed circus.
It’s Bad News Bears meets WWF meets a kindergarten classroom with a brand new sub. And my poor mom is the no-control, newbie substitute teacher, who can’t decide whether to clean up the spilled glue or stop the naughty troublemaker, who is running around the room screaming and chasing everyone.
Uncoordinated nine-year-old John Mayer shoots an airball. Gangly blonde-haired Glenn Hughes knocks heads with small and speedy Doug Menorca. I get tackled by bifocaled Billy Weiss. My lanky brother Scot launches a 15-footer over red-headed Sean Deming. Swish!
Second half tip off delayed
While driving back to the game and listening to the radio broadcast, my dad pushes the car blinkers to make the right turn onto the Fredonia campus from Temple Street. He follows the veering road left and pulls into the Dodds Hall parking lot.
It’s then as he seeks a parking spot that the legendary words from the Blue Devil broadcaster are uttered over the local airwaves:
“…Well, the beginning of the second half to the Fredonia-Cortland basketball game is being delayed, because there’s a crazy, red-haired lady chasing a bunch of kids around the basketball court.”
My mom — to this day — denies this happened or that it was broadcasted over the airwaves.
My dad?
Well, growing up it was by far his favorite story to tell about my mom.
And he shared this legendary story every opportunity he got.
Thanks for reading.
If you enjoy reading stories on Medium, support me and other writers by becoming a member. It’s only $5 a month, giving you unlimited access to all stories on the platform. If you sign up using my referral link I will earn a small commission that will various costs. I appreciate your reading and following me.
Tagging some fellow readers: Scot Butwell, Gerald Sturgill, Jameson Steward, MarkfromBoston, Brandon Anderson, Scott Younkin, Lu Skerdoo, Kristen Stark, Trisha Dunbar (She/Her), Adelina Vasile, Janet Meisel, Gaurav Jain, Delaware Sports Blitz, Julian Cosky.
You might also enjoy:
