Crazed

I grieve each day as I go between believing and doubt. I feel as if I am in the dark while others are understanding the circumstances. There is no disagreement, blame or concern as I speak of the insanity that consumes me. My pursuit towards physical and mental health is at an all time high and I feel my current openness and awareness is guiding me towards truth. I fear I am once again humiliating myself as I expose the impossible. This is the first manic episode where I have been able to clearly communicate and articulate my experiences. This time, I am here.

With that said, I am trusting nothing but my intuition. My insights coincide with my physical and mental change throughout each day and I choose to believe. I feel pressure to keep going and never give up regardless of the circumstances and part of me doesn’t care if I am alone on this journey. As of now, I am alone. I feel safe and have continued to gain support but I truly have nothing to trust but the voices in my head and the changes in my body. I may be crazed but for the first time I feel I am given permission to be so.