52 DAYS OF FITNESS CHALLENGE: BONUS EDITION!
Craving Junk Food? I Promise You Won’t After You Do This
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Hello, everyone.
I know, I don’t normally post on Sundays, but something kind of incredible happened last night, and when I discover a secret this great, I just can’t help but share.
I have discovered a weight-loss miracle. It’s safe, it’s cheap, it’s fast, it’s effective, and it’s available to anyone with a stable Internet connection.
And I can’t wait to tell you all about it.
It all began last night (Saturday), when my husband and I were settling in to watch an episode or two of The Bear after dinner.
“The problem with this series,” I said, “is that it makes me want to eat.” (If you watch The Bear, you’ll understand why).
I wasn’t hungry. I so often am not actually hungry when I think I want to eat.
We had already had our dinner — a perfectly reasonable and satisfying meal of homemade burgers and fries. A little indulgent for a gal trying to watch her figure, but I had run that morning and put in a few hours of housework, and felt I could splurge a little.
And then… I wanted ice cream.
I knew I wasn’t actually hungry.
But, as I like to say, I was “hungry.” Wanting… something. To relax and/or reward after a busy and productive day? To relieve boredom? To fill some nebulous but forever gaping existential void?
I don’t know exactly. If I ever figure it out, believe me, I’ll tell you.
Anyway, my husband and I got to talking about food. I got to talking about how I might get myself a bowl of ice cream to go with our show. I wondered aloud if we had any of that chocolate sauce that hardens when you squirt it on top. I remembered that we definitely have whipped cream.
And so it went — me pushing and pulling against myself, delaying the actual act of getting that ice cream just long enough for my husband to bring the conversation around to a somewhat related topic: The food-related antics of a gentleman by the name of Joey Chestnut.
Have you heard of him? I hadn’t. He is, by profession, a competitive eater. Yep, that’s a thing, and I’m starting to wonder if I missed my calling in life.
Nah, just kidding about that last part. Competitive eating is kind of gross and morally questionable, not to mention physically dangerous. I’m no doctor, but I can’t imagine that eating 182 chicken wings in 30 minutes is, you know, good for you.
But Joey Chestnut did just that, among other superhuman food-related feats.
“This guy ate 32 Big Macs in, like, half an hour,” my husband told me.
“No, he didn’t.”
“Did.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Wanna see?”
Of course I wanted to see. And if you do too, here you go.
Uh, yeah.
I have questions. Such as, “Hey, Joey Chestnut! How is that even fun?” And, “Hey, Joey Chestnut! How are you even still alive?”
I digress. My point here is that under different circumstances, I would say that I’d like that 12 minutes of my life back.
But under last night’s circumstances, which, to wit, was me trying not to eat ice cream, this video was a damn miracle.
Just watching it actually gave me a stomachache. There was a moment or two where I gagged. Is vicarious cardiac arrest a thing? Because I think I went into it.
And best of all, it put me off any thoughts of ice cream. Or food in general. I watched The Bear without snacking, which is a superhuman feat of its own.
Not only that, but now I know exactly what to do the next time I am hungry, or “hungry.” (And now you do too). Mr. Chestnut has a whole slew of these videos, from chicken wings to hot dogs to pistachios to popcorn.
Um… enjoy? And also, you’re welcome.
Oh, and thanks, Joey. This may have been the most valuable 12 minutes I’ve spent in quite some time.
And thanks to you too, wonderful readers. Be sure to check back on Tuesday, July 25th for another update.