COVID Relocation Woes

Friends are hard to come by in New York

Normal operations have been interrupted since March in the United States. Businesses, families, and organizations have made significant shifts that we thought would be temporary. Now, we’re facing the reality that we won’t have a “normal” to get back to as we enter the last quarter of the year.

My life was already topsy turvy from being in a temporary long-distance relationship with my husband. We had planned monthly visits for the year, but my last visit was in February. Not only did we have to shift our planned time together, but extra burdens fell in my lap. For example, I had the sole responsibility of selling our home.

Friends Don’t Follow

Finally, all is done, and the separation has ended. On Labor Day, I moved from Colorado to New York to reunite with my husband. It’s not my first or second time moving to follow my husband. It’s my fifth time in 30 years and is always emotionally taxing. This time, there is a COVID layer to it that makes it even more draining. I don’t know how I’m going to meet people.

My fellow ILLUMINATION writer and good friend, Julia E Hubbel, moved from Colorado to the west coast a month before my move to the east coast. She has mentioned to me a few times the challenge of meeting people during COVID. I guess I was too excited to reunite with my husband to realize I would soon be having that same challenge.

A Moving Nation

According to Moving.com, over 30 million people move each year. I imagine many of us are struggling a little more than usual. Any achievement associated with the move becomes bittersweet.

As I settle into my new life of unpacking boxes and figuring out routines like trash day and getting my driver’s license so I can register to vote, I feel an absence. It’s the same absence I have felt within a month of moving every time. I’m socially isolated, and it doesn’t feel right.

Finding new tribes

Online possibilities are endless. But, I already have online social support. A robust social media life is a supplement, not a substitute for meaningful in-person relationships.

As a claimed introvert, I’m not interested in having many people in my space, and I’m slow to warm up to people. But, I wouldn’t say I like this feeling of being invisible.

I get out of the house plenty. This store, that beach, site-seeing, and my 5-mile runs put me in public, but not community. In public, you are with people. In community, people are with you. The distinction is vital to emotional wellness, as I’m sure Julia would agree.

Broken systems

My husband’s job usually extends social benefits to get me connected to the people. However, he’s been working remotely since March. There are no fancy dinner parties, casual social gatherings, and no travel. So, I’m on my own.

My next go-to for building community is Meetup Groups. I never stay in them for long, but they are a good place for initial connections. However, even if groups are meeting in person right now, I am not.

My age and asthma put me in a risk category that makes me cautious. I have not attended an in-person public event since March. I have steered clear of face-time with strangers. That may be good for the body, but not so good for my mind. I’m itching to get out and meet people.

Safety Over Social

I have been told by many people that I command attention in any room even when I don’t speak. People notice my femininely muscular frame, wonder about the nature of my hair locks or try to guess my age based on my wrinkleless face adorned with gray hair roots. My body language tends to hold nothing back when others are speaking.

All I have to do is find places to show up so that people can try me out. Whatever questions they ask, I can offer an impressive response that makes them want to know more. So, I let nature take its course. But, where will nature take me in the time of COVID?

I am fortunate in that none of my close family members or friends have had COVID. I want to stay that way and minimize risks. So, I will have to get creative. I’m looking for suggestions to build meaningful networks within my community while staying safe.

A Modern Inconvenience

Don’t get me wrong. This situation is not a problem but a challenge. It’s the latest in a series of challenges I’ve faced due to COVID, like trying to find a place to hang out during the more than 50 scheduled home showings within three weeks it took to sell my home. Open malls, libraries, and movie theaters would have been handy. We did find a few restaurants that allowed indoor seating.

Finding a business to rest your feet is more straightforward than finding places to rest your heart. Who’s my Donna to introduce me to the influencers in town? Where’s my Rodney to promote my ideas to the influencers? I need my Claudine to spend time reflecting on life. I long for a Krystell to accompany me on some of my walks. How do I commune with my local poets so I can perform my bars? I don’t know how to access what remains of the social experience during a COVID relocation.

I don’t need “me time”

My mentor has advised me to take time to myself because completing the move took a lot of effort that should make me proud. However, achieving this move required me to take a lot of time to myself while I was in Colorado.

I had no social life this year. Getting a house ready for market, selling it, and organizing a relocation is overwhelming. Oh yes, I remained employed the entire time.

I haven’t even had time to write consistently for over a month. So, I’m not feeling time alone is what I need right now. I want a welcoming committee. I want my neighbors to bring me pies, my husband’s co-workers to invite us to dinners, and open mic emcees to announce me with great anticipation from the crowd.

I’m ready to show off my smile and let my hair down. I want to converse about the five books I’ve written without bragging. I look forward to inviting people into a space of healing and restoration through sharing my work. I’ve got stories to tell about the other five times I’ve lived in New York state. But, I’ve got no one to show and tell with yet.

Off to a Slow Start

Right now, the world ain’t thinking about me. The wisdom I bring will be shared from a distance, I’m afraid. The welcome wagon will be greatly delayed. But, no doubt, it will be on time. I remind myself that there is nothing that I need that the universe hasn’t placed in my life.

Starting relationships from scratch at my age is complicated. Most older adults have established relationships with little time to spare. My preferred tribe is more interested in transformation than politics, and how they play is as important as how much they work. I trust them to find me.

Come and find me, New York. I’m here to play.