COVID-Living: a Social Butterfly’s Nightmare

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Abstract

I need and how to seek it.When I feel sad or depleted I meet up with a girlfriend, knowing her energy and our mutual exchange will fuel me. But now I can not.When I feel uninspired I’ll stroll a busy street, or sit at a bustling coffee shop, or perch myself at a great little spot by the water, always among people. But now I can not.When I feel weak, afraid, or self-doubting I travel alone and regain my sense of empowerment, capability, and more than enough-ness. But now I can not.When I feel disconnected I find a great little restaurant and sit at the bar, chatting with strangers and engaging to feel whole again. But now I can not.Heck, sometimes I’ll even go to the grocery store to exchange a smile and small talk at check-out but between the masks and the plexiglass, this too has lost all appeal.I miss the seemingly mundane like smiles and shared expressions, now hidden behind essential face coverings. I miss days that differ from one another. I miss hugs. I miss people. Not particular people, just people.

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I miss human interaction and connection with those I know and love and I miss simply being around a sea of strangers, feeling but a small part of a greater collective imperfect whole. I miss experiencing the world by engaging with it, by being in it.Be it #covidliving, #covidrunning, or #covidparenting, this ‘new normal’ is a social butterfly’s nightmare. When we can no longer seek others to source our energy, we must dig deep into our own reserves and find new and creative ways to do so.COVID, it seems, is yet another growth opportunity for me, as my mother would say; a chance to confront my weaknesses, to struggle, to dive deep, and to emerge stronger on the other side as it goes with such experiences that fundamentally shake our current way of knowing.I guess I have no choice but to embrace the journey, as sad and dull and monotonous as it may feel these days.My fellow extroverts…I feel you. Please know that you are not alone and please reach out in moments of despair. Let’s lift each other up, together.</article></body>

Struggling through isolation as an ENFP

I miss people. And yet I am afraid of them unmasked and socializing, taking to the newly reopened world without a care in the world as I continue to shelter at home.

I realized I was in a bad place recently when I asked the guy in the SUV to my left if I could cut in and felt joy at his nod and hand waive, having just communicated with a real live human adult for the first time in three days.

As a classic ENFP, an extrovert who derives her energy from being around others and a single mom at that, I have built my life around that which gives me joy and sustains me and I generally know what I need and how to seek it.

When I feel sad or depleted I meet up with a girlfriend, knowing her energy and our mutual exchange will fuel me. But now I can not.

When I feel uninspired I’ll stroll a busy street, or sit at a bustling coffee shop, or perch myself at a great little spot by the water, always among people. But now I can not.

When I feel weak, afraid, or self-doubting I travel alone and regain my sense of empowerment, capability, and more than enough-ness. But now I can not.

When I feel disconnected I find a great little restaurant and sit at the bar, chatting with strangers and engaging to feel whole again. But now I can not.

Heck, sometimes I’ll even go to the grocery store to exchange a smile and small talk at check-out but between the masks and the plexiglass, this too has lost all appeal.

I miss the seemingly mundane like smiles and shared expressions, now hidden behind essential face coverings. I miss days that differ from one another. I miss hugs. I miss people. Not particular people, just people.

I miss human interaction and connection with those I know and love and I miss simply being around a sea of strangers, feeling but a small part of a greater collective imperfect whole. I miss experiencing the world by engaging with it, by being in it.

Be it #covidliving, #covidrunning, or #covidparenting, this ‘new normal’ is a social butterfly’s nightmare. When we can no longer seek others to source our energy, we must dig deep into our own reserves and find new and creative ways to do so.

COVID, it seems, is yet another growth opportunity for me, as my mother would say; a chance to confront my weaknesses, to struggle, to dive deep, and to emerge stronger on the other side as it goes with such experiences that fundamentally shake our current way of knowing.

I guess I have no choice but to embrace the journey, as sad and dull and monotonous as it may feel these days.

My fellow extroverts…I feel you. Please know that you are not alone and please reach out in moments of despair. Let’s lift each other up, together.