COVID-19: When LGBTQ Families Face Stigma

It’s time for love to prevail

With American political leadership waking up to the severity of the global COVID-19 outbreak, the nation is pulling together. Democrats and Republicans are setting aside differences to work for the common good. Americans families are pulling together to fight a kind of crisis not seen in generations. But if some conservatives had their way, certain families — my kind of family — would be excluded from the fruits of that effort.

LGBTQ families are real families.

Now more than ever, our reality must be unquestioned. Let me tell you a story about the time my family faced a threat, then let me explain what’s going on now in the face of a pandemic.

Pastor E.W. Jackson … recently told listeners of his radio show that the “homovirus” has infected America.

Brent was 14 years old when I opened the door and almost passed out from fear

Five minutes before, I’d heard squealing tires down in the street. Shouts. But I couldn’t see anything out the window, so I squinted and turned back to my spreadsheet.

Three minutes later, feet pounded up the steps and a high-pitched voice yelled, “Jim! Jim, open up!”

I groaned, figuring our son had forgotten his key to our Montreal apartment. Again. I sighed and went to let him in. When I opened the door, I didn’t understand. He was bouncing up and down on his heels with a shiny red easter egg stuck to his forehead.

How bizarre!

Then the picture clicked into focus. My knees buckled. Brent, all four foot ten inches of him, stood there with a blood-filled lump on his forehead, more blood streaming out of a cratered gash on his scalp. It soaked his transparent blond hair almost black.

I didn’t think, I just scooped him up and ran down two flights of stairs to the street. I don’t know what I was planning.

“Does it hurt, buddy? I asked as a stranger sprinted up to us. “Talk to me, Brent! What happened?”

“I’m so sorry, monsieur,” said the stranger, speaking French. “This is your boy? But he skated in front of my car so fast I could not stop! He flew over the roof and landed on his head.” He pointed at his cell phone. “I have called an ambulance, but your boy, he would not …”

Florida pastor Rick Wiles said the virus is a “plague” sent by God to wipe out LGBTQ people.

“I don’t wanna go to the hospital!” wailed Brent. “You can’t make me!”

By the time the ambulance roared up, Brent’s protests had melted into tears, he’d heaved his lunch onto the sidewalk, and he was clutching my hand like he was 4 instead of 14. I rode in the back with him, assuring him he’d be OK and that his other dad was rushing to meet us.

The next few hours and days were wild. My partner and I were scared out of our minds, as any parent understands. Brent suffered hairline fractures to his ribs and a dangerous concussion. He had to stay in bed for a few days, but thanks to an awesome trauma doctor and no-nonsense nurses, he recovered beautifully.

Now it’s a family war story. I still tease Brent about the day he got hit by a car and held my hand in public.

When my same-sex partner and I lived in Montreal, we raised a child together. We did not marry, because for most of the time we lived there, same-sex marriage was not legal.

But for almost every legal purpose, we were domestic partners who enjoyed the privileges and responsibilities of a married couple, especially where our child was concerned.

LGBTQ families are real families

My partner and I visited Brent in the hospital and made medical decisions together, secure that our status as a couple was unquestioned at law. That our status as a family was sacred in the eyes of Quebec authorities.

In the US, conservative politicians don’t recognize our reality

As Lee Fang reports in The Intercept, some 40 Republican members of Congress recently voted against a COVID-19 stimulus bill, in part because it included paid sick leave benefits for members of domestic partnerships like mine.

Representative Andy Biggs (R/AZ), one of the 40, bragged about his vote on a radio program aired by the Family Research Council, an anti-LGBTQ, SPLC-designated hate group. He boasted he was “defending the American family.”

Biggs was angry about a subsection of the bill that provides up to three months medical leave payments to domestic partners who need to care for family members suffering from COVID-19. The section defines children eligible for care as a “biological, foster, or adopted child, a stepchild,[or] a child of a domestic partner.”

Biggs is angry that families like mine would be entitled to public support during a time of global crisis. He doesn’t want kids like Brent, raised by domestic partners like me, to be eligible for aid all other children would receive.

Religious leaders use COVID-19 to bash LGBTQ people

Animus toward LGBTQ families during this time of crisis is not limited to members of Congress. Religious leaders, many with close ties to the White House, are also using the pandemic as an opportunity for a little old fashioned gay bashing.

Right-wing pastor E.W. Jackson, speaking of the COVID-19 pandemic, recently told listeners of his radio show that the “homovirus” has infected America.

Besides being a pastor, Jackson is an establishment Republican.

He was the party’s nominee for lieutenant governor of Virginia in 2013, and he ran for U.S. Senate in 2012 and 2018.

Christian NewsWire reports that Steven Andrew, pastor of USA Christian Church and author of God’s Plan for the USA, has designated March as “Repent of LGBT Sin Month” — to protect “the USA from diseases such as the Coronavirus.”

The influential Christianity Today reported Andrew’s call to prayer as straight news, leaving out the LGBTQ/coronavirus connection.

According to reporting in the Advocate, Florida pastor Rick Wiles said the virus is a “plague” sent by God to wipe out LGBTQ people.

Wiles’ media outlet TruNews holds White House press credentials. He covered President Trump’s January trip to the World Economic Forum in Switzerland.

Robert Jeffress, pastor of the 14,000-strong Dallas First Baptist Church, recently told his congregation that sin causes all natural disasters. The title of the day’s sermon? “Is the Coronavirus a Judgement From God?”

As Mother Jones reports, Jeffress is no fringe zealot. He’s an evangelical leader in President Trump’s inner circle of religious advisors, regularly seen at White House events. Former Fox News anchor Shep Smith has reported Jeffress’s anti-LGBTQ views as “extreme.”

LGBTQ advocates react to Representative Biggs’ bigotry

GLAAD Chief Communications Officer Rich Ferraro told Newsweek in an interview that all LGBTQ families must be recognized as valid and worthy of the same support as other families.

While LGBTQ couples can be rightfully recognized in marriage today, many LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ Americans remain in domestic partnerships. Voting to harm his LGBTQ constituents and their children is nothing new, but using COVID-19 to do it is a new low for Representative Biggs.

It’s time to come together as a nation and as families

I left Monreal and returned home a long time ago. Now I live in northern Michigan and care for my elderly father instead of a child in need. If Dad contracts COVID-19, the outlook is grim.

I’m doing everything I can to ensure the virus doesn’t take a toll on my family or my community. I join my friends and neighbors in self-isolating, washing my hands, and refraining from panic buying.

Out of love and respect.

Is it too much to ask, as a gay man, for the same love and respect in return? Is it too much to expect that political leaders set aside hatred until the threat has passed?

Is it too much to ask religious leaders to ground themselves in fundamental teachings of love and charity?

Is it too much to ask — just until the worst of the crisis has passed — that we LGBTQ people don’t have to open newspapers and read about what scapegoats we are?

We love our families too.

When our children are hurt, we fear. When our parents are at risk, we worry. When our partners risk infection to serve our communities, we hold our breath until they get home safe and healthy.

LGBTQ families are real families. It’s time for our nation to unite to face an external threat together. It’s time for families to come together. It’s time for love to prevail.

James Finn is a long-time HIV/LGBTQ activist, an alumnus of Act Up NYC, an essayist occasionally published in queer news outlets, and an “agented” novelist. Send questions, comments, and story ideas to [email protected].