Couples Who Last Keep These 10 Promises To Each Other

Making promises isn’t enough. KEEPING them is.

Sometimes I use the word “teammates” to describe partners in a relationship. While not the sexiest term, I believe it is an accurate one.

Any great team is comprised of people whose skills intertwine with each other in order to form an unbeatable combination.

A great quarterback is useless if the receiver can’t catch their passes. A Formula 1 driver cannot win if the engineers can’t build a fast car. The key is utilizing their skills to work together towards a common goal, just like a strong couple does.

What, then, are the goals that the strongest couples set and work together to achieve?

1: We will eliminate judgment.

We all judge people, whether or not we openly admit it. We judge their decisions, their habits, even their appearance.

Get mad at me all you want, but you know it’s true because you’re a human which means you’ve done it before, too.

But, there is no place in healthy relationships for judgment.

A true bond can only be formed between two people when they can fully open up to each other and show all sides of themselves.

When they can discuss dreams, fears, insecurities, sexual desires, emotional needs…without fear of being judged.

You don’t have to like or even understand every little thing about your partner, but in order to thrive in the long term, you do have to fully accept and embrace them for all that they are.

2: We will build a foundation of friendship.

You can have a friendship without a relationship, but you can’t have a relationship without a friendship.

Over the course of your lives together, you’re going to face an unpredictable slew of challenges. You’re also going to have exciting times, boring times, face health struggles, lose friends and family members, achieve life goals, and possibly explore the world.

That is one hell of a range of life experiences to share with someone.

To survive and thrive during all of these ups and downs, the person by your side must not only be your lover, but also your closest friend.

Being a friend isn’t just about the experiences you share, it’s about the way you treat each other and communicate with each other. The same caring compassion and support you show a friend should be ever-present for your romantic partner, as well.

3: We will maintain our own identities.

Yes, being in a relationship means intertwining your lives together. It’s also important, however, to make sure you don’t blend them so deeply that you can no longer tell them apart.

Your hobbies, passions, interests, and pursuits are some of the very things that drew your partner to you in the first place.

Seeing you do what you love is attractive and it also lights your soul on fire. It gives you something to be excited about every day and something that you can be proud of.

When people begin to sacrifice these hobbies or passions or pursuits in order to fully immerse themselves in their relationship, the opposite of the intended effect seems to happen.

They think that prioritizing their partner over all else is the key to his/her heart, but in reality, your partner wants to see you thriving and happy in your own life. Placing all of your worth and happiness in someone else puts unfair pressure on them, and sets unrealistic expectations.

Go back to the introduction above about being a team. Sure, teammates wear the same uniform, but they still have their own name and number on their backs.

4: We will strive to make each other’s lives easier (and better).

What’s the point of a relationship if you don’t enhance each others’ lives by being in it?

As you get to know someone on a deeper level over time, you learn what they value and appreciate.

Maybe their love language is acts of service, so taking out the trash and cleaning the dishes means more than an expensive gift ever would. Do more of that.

Maybe your partner is slammed at work with a big project and has to stay late — offer to pick up the kids before they can even ask.

Life is stressful enough as it is, the strongest couples didn’t get that way by adding more stress to each others’ lives. They did it by alleviating it.

5: We will have the hard conversations (in a healthy way).

Some people think that happy couples never fight — everyone disagrees now and then.

The difference lies in how they handle it.

The hard conversations need to be had. The ones about money, and sex, and the future, and values, and religion, and how to raise your kids.

Also, the ones about something he/she does that make you uncomfortable. Dealbreakers. Boundaries. Expectations.

If these heavier topics aren’t talked about, it’s much easier for your partner to step on a landmine they didn’t even know was there.

You can’t expect someone to meet a need if you didn’t communicate that need to them.

These are the times that patience, tact, open-mindedness, and clear communication are essential. The old adage “It’s not what you say, but how you say it” comes to mind.

Clear and calm communication paired with active and intentional listening can help to ease the tension around even the most difficult of topics.

6: We will stay focused on the long game.

Relationships are a marathon, not a sprint. In marathons, you’re going to face a variety of terrains. Hills, peaks, valleys, dirt, rocks…

If you let one of those cause you to quit, then you weren’t really that committed to reaching the finish line.

Just because you hit a speed bump in the marathon of life doesn’t mean you stop loving someone, or stop committing to them, or sacrifice what you have together.

Life is full of ups and downs, and the strongest couples pledge to tackle them together.

Important: Obviously, if any form of abuse is present, or if someone betrays you, or intentionally hurts you, or if the relationship just isn’t working out, you need to know when to walk away. This point is about not walking away at the first sign of trouble, because you’ve committed to finding these solutions together.

7: We will work to develop trust.

You cannot respect someone you don’t trust.

You cannot give yourself to someone you don’t trust.

You cannot love someone you don’t trust.

Trust is built over time through consistency and authenticity. It’s developed when you show up for your partner, your relationship, and yourself over and over again.

It doesn’t happen overnight, which is exactly what makes it worth building.

8: We will keep the spark alive.

It’s no secret that the sexual health of a relationship indicates the overall health of a relationship.

While intimacy is mostly emotional, its expression in physical form is a key component of a long-term relationship.

Things like flirting, sending sexy texts, trying new things in the bedroom (or other rooms…) all tend to fade over time, but we can’t let it.

Rachel and I make this commitment to each other because we can feel how our emotional bond is strengthened along with the physical.

No matter what strengthens that bond for you and your partner, it is essential that you stay focused on it and remain connected over time.

9: We will stay adventurous.

The spark in the bedroom isn’t the only important one to keep burning — we also must fan the flames of life.

Life itself can get monotonous. Work, errands, bills, obligations, family — we need to make room for excitement.

Everyone enjoys different things, so maybe you’re not planning an expedition to Antarctica together…

But maybe you’re taking a class together, or learning a new skill, or cooking a new recipe, or going to a wine-tasting.

No matter what it is that you enjoy doing together, you must stay active and continue doing it.

A bland, boring, mundane life is what creates discontent and resentment, and if those are the feelings swirling around in your atmosphere, it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing becomes contaminated.

10: We will never take each other for granted.

Last, but certainly not least.

Taking someone for granted is like termites to a relationship. It slowly eats away at the foundation until the whole thing crumbles.

This happens when we just expect our partner to do or be XYZ and stop appreciating what it takes for them to do so.

I believe we should always be doing things to show our partner that we care. Small things to show we appreciate them. Big things to celebrate occasions and milestones. Things that we know they appreciate because we’ve grown to know who they are as a woman or a man.

No matter how kindhearted or loving someone is, being taken for granted will make them feel unwanted and undervalued. They’ll slowly pull away from you and stop doing the things that you expected to continue forever.

On the flip side, if your partner feels valued and appreciated for all that they do, they’ll be inclined to do even more — as you should be doing for them in return.

There’s an old quote that says: You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

But, I believe that you should only be with someone who appreciates you while they have you, not someone who only sees your value after they’ve lost you.

If you can set and accomplish these ten goals together, there’ll be nothing that can break you apart.

What are some other goals that you and your partner have set together? Let me know in the comments below.

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James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.