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Abstract

d into action. In less than a minute, she was calling doctors and family members, and consulting the internet for medical advice.A complete deep clean of the house was performed.I was immediately Cuomo’d.Chris Cuomo, the CNN anchor, who famously contracted the bug, was sent directly to his basement to quarantine for 14 days.And so was I.My 7-year-old: “I’m going downstairs to see Daddy”My 5-year-old: “Don’t go down there. He’s got COVID-19”At one point, my wife ran outside and paid some guy $200 to cut our grass for the next month. It was clear. She was planning for my death.<h2 id="63a8">Glass Half Empty</h2>I eventually got ‘The Test’. It was pretty uncomfortable. They put a massive Q-Tip up my nose. Just like Drake said, “they put that Q-Tip all the

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way in your thoughts and shit.”It came back negative within a day. I didn’t have Coronavirus. Awesome.It didn’t matter. My company said I had to stay home for 14 days since there was a 30 percent chance the test was wrong. This was a very ‘glass half empty’ attitude, in my opinion. What about the other 70 percent, guys?My wife said the same thing. What if the test was wrong?So, even though my sore throat and fever were completely gone, I was out of commission for 2 weeks. The likelihood that I actually had the virus was really low, just based on common sense. But because everyone was so on edge, I just decided to wait it out in the basement.I stayed down there — watching TV, sleeping, eating, surfing the net, and playing video games.In other words, it was paradise.</article></body>

FUNNY

Daddy’s Got Coronavirus

Who’s Gonna Mow Our Lawn?

Picture by Lisa Fotios — from Pexels.com for Free

One Friday night, I came home from work with a bit of a sore throat. My wife had put the kids to bed and, even though I wasn’t feeling great, we spent the next 2 hours with a few glasses of wine, and an impromptu Zoom party.

When I woke up the next morning, my throat was much, much worse. If I tried to swallow, it was like I was swallowing bits of broken beer bottles. I also had a fever.

Dead Man Walking

Everyone in my family instantly assumed I had the Coronavirus.

Karen, my wife, then swooped into action. In less than a minute, she was calling doctors and family members, and consulting the internet for medical advice.

A complete deep clean of the house was performed.

I was immediately Cuomo’d.

Chris Cuomo, the CNN anchor, who famously contracted the bug, was sent directly to his basement to quarantine for 14 days.

And so was I.

My 7-year-old: “I’m going downstairs to see Daddy”

My 5-year-old: “Don’t go down there. He’s got COVID-19”

At one point, my wife ran outside and paid some guy $200 to cut our grass for the next month. It was clear. She was planning for my death.

Glass Half Empty

I eventually got ‘The Test’. It was pretty uncomfortable. They put a massive Q-Tip up my nose. Just like Drake said, “they put that Q-Tip all the way in your thoughts and shit.”

It came back negative within a day. I didn’t have Coronavirus. Awesome.

It didn’t matter. My company said I had to stay home for 14 days since there was a 30 percent chance the test was wrong. This was a very ‘glass half empty’ attitude, in my opinion. What about the other 70 percent, guys?

My wife said the same thing. What if the test was wrong?

So, even though my sore throat and fever were completely gone, I was out of commission for 2 weeks. The likelihood that I actually had the virus was really low, just based on common sense. But because everyone was so on edge, I just decided to wait it out in the basement.

I stayed down there — watching TV, sleeping, eating, surfing the net, and playing video games.

In other words, it was paradise.