Corona of the Sun

Response to POM thematic prompt

This poem was written in response to the first thematic poetry prompt by POM (Poets on Medium). The prompt instructed respondents to choose one or more words from a list that focused on the theme of the COVID 19 outbreak. According to the instructions the poem did not actually have to be about the Coronavirus, the words were intended to provide inspiration.

As has been the case for over a week now, my poetry efforts are focused on the sudden loss of a friend that has hit me hard. I am struggling to make sense out of it, something I think we all attempt to do when something like this happens to someone far too young to pass away and completely out of blue.

I am beginning to regain my feet a bit instead of wandering through my apartment feeling like a ghost, as if the world isn’t real, floating through the hours until it’s time to sleep. I first noticed that instead of focusing just on the pain (though there is still plenty of this left) that I’m starting to shift just slightly towards memories of spending time with him through the years. This too, brings some pain at the thought of not being able to create any additional memories but I am able to call one to mind for brief periods before having to think of something else for a bit.

My poetry is still focused on the more abstract thoughts I think it’s natural to have at first as they provide a sense of the profound. Thoughts about the eternal and the impact he will still have on the world even though not hear is also caught up at this time, something that provides some comfort, instead of having to accept that he’s completely gone.

The next step will be to think past just the fun times and consider the amazing qualities he used to interact with the world and those in it, those he cared for as well as complete strangers and then to keep him alive by attempting to emulate them. Doing the things that someone did while alive communicates the effect they had on us, continues their positive influence in the here and now even though they are gone, and keeps them alive through action not just thought. That is my goal for the coming weeks, especially as this virus seems to be ramping up and more people are becoming infected.

I know if he was still here, he would be out in the community finding ways to make a difference for those who might need extra help in these difficult days and that he’d do this without being asked, anonymously whenever possible, never looking for thanks, just to help someone who needed it. These things weren’t really what he did, it went deeper than that. They were simply part and parcel of who he was.

Corona of the Sun

In the moment right after waking When dawn is just nudging my eyelids I can forget he is no longer here And that I don’t know why, can’t understand

Then the panic hits The pain, the loss, the realization that I can’t turn to him For explanation of an obscure, archaic topic Beyond almost anyone’s knowledge base Which he talks about at length regardless Before saying, “But I don’t really know much about it”

The return of the crushing blow to my chest Is not something that steels slowly over me Like the pink orange rays that Peek through my cheap plastic blinds

Instead it hits suddenly Making itself known Takes up residence in my rib cage Nuzzles up to my heart causing it to Jump around without rhythm As if electrified Lays atop my lungs In a poor imitation of a hug All the while pressing The air from my chest And I feel it growing like A virus in my veins

But the soul cannot be quarantined Nor can a grieving mind be isolated from pain The pain acts as testament, saying

. . . I cared

. . . . . . I loved

. . . . . . . . . I knew

And we were connected

Now it is up to me to take His example to heart To shoulder his purpose And not let the lessons he imparted Depart with him Letting him at once Remain in the world Despite being gone

Though he may have left Before his time He will continue to impact All those whose lives he touched And those whose lives we touch And onward forward into futures unknown Just as his soul will impart it’s truth In the world to come Blindingly beautiful And forever free

Natalie Frank has had her poetry featured in several anthologies including Untimely Frost. Her fiction has been published in Haunted Waters Press, Weirdbook Magazine, Siren’s Call Publications, Lycan Valley Press and Zero Fiction among others. Her collection of poetry, Disguised I Breathe, In Love I Hold, can be found on Amazon under her pen name, Taye Carrol.

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