Caregiving
Coping Day-to-Day with a Loved One Suffering from Sundowner’s Syndrome
Tips to help you survive
By the eleventh year of caring for my mom, I was severely worn down. I was beginning to emotionally check out. I had no idea that the coming year would be the worst.
She was displaying signs of what I would soon find out is called Sundowner Syndrome. She would say and do things that were slowly driving me insane. And it was getting worse by the day.
One of the more interesting things she did was pretending to take her evening pills. She would try to hide them under her placemat. She actually got away with it a couple of times. I wasn’t paying close enough attention on those occasions.
The one incident that really got my attention was the evening we were watching TV. She picked up the phone, called one of my aunts, and in a not-so-quiet whisper said, “I think David is trying to kill me.”
My aunt called me later to see if I was OK. She knew what I didn’t. She wasn’t there on a 24/7 basis like I was. She was able to see and recognize mom’s mental decline.
That night broke me. Earlier in the day, when she was on the phone with someone else, she referred to me as her guardian angel. Now a few short hours later, she’s saying I’m trying to kill her.
What is Sundowner Syndrome?
Do you want to hear something funny? Actually, it’s rather sad.
According to a 2016 article published in the Frontiers of Medicine journal, there is no concrete definition for Sundowner Syndrome. Only universally recognized clinical symptoms. Moreover, there is limited scientific interest in studying it.
That doesn't help weary caregivers like you and me, does it?
Luckily, you can get help from medical staff, many websites, and those who have already been through it to give you ideas on what to look for and how to better cope with caring for loved ones with Sundowner.
Symptoms of Sundowner Syndrome to watch for.
During the morning through the mid-afternoon, they will likely be lucid and in good spirits. Later in the afternoon and into the evening, that changes. Here is a short list of things you may notice:
- Agitation. Mainly anxious or upset. Little things can set them off.
- Confusion
- Irritability
- Disorientation
- Suspicion
When these symptoms set in, you might notice them being,
- More demanding.
- Hearing and seeing things that aren’t there.
- Yelling for no apparent reason.
- Accusing you, or others, of things you didn’t do or have no clue about.
I went through these almost every evening. It was heartbreaking to watch her deteriorate like that.
Tips to help cope with Sundowner Syndrome.
Fortunately, there are a few things I learned to do to help get us both through the day and limit some of the worst of it.
- Wake your loved one up earlier. Waking up early to make the most of the sun helped quite a bit. More time in the natural sunlight helped to keep her mood up longer.
- Earlier bedtime. Getting up earlier in the morning means you can put them to bed earlier. This will save both you and them from having to go through the worst of the mood changes.
- Step up their nutrition. Offer alternatives to more processed foods by keeping more whole foods on hand. Cutting down on chemicals and sugars does help. Seniors tend to crave sugar so it won’t be easy, but give it a shot.
You have to take care of yourself, also.
Many of us put our loved ones first and ourselves second. You can’t do that and expect your health, both mental and physical, to hold up long-term. It just doesn’t work that way. The day-after-day stress of caregiving slowly chews up your mind and body.
You need periodic breaks to relax and recharge. Time to clear your mind. Laugh with friends.
You also need to keep your own nutrition and exercise at a high level. How are you supposed to care for them if you become sick and can’t care for yourself?
You need to take as much care of your own health as you do theirs.
Final thoughts
Living with Sundowner Syndrome is difficult for both you and your loved one. They are having thoughts and emotions they don’t normally have. I’m sure this scares them.
At the same time, it is soul-crushing on the caregiver, as well. This is the time that you need to have the most patience you’ve ever had.
But you also need to remember to take care of yourself and your own health.
Strategic planning of your loved one's day will help you get through these difficult days. You may find other tricks that help out even more. Experiment with each one. Every case is different.
It’ll be difficult, but you can do this. I believe in you.
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