avatarFrieda Stern

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Abstract

to act. Therefore, a contradiction arises: you need to do something, but no matter what you do, you will feel bad. Hello, frustration, I’ve been waiting for you for so long!

We need an example to make it clearer, right?

<b><i>You are 10 years old. </i></b>You’re going for a walk. Mom says that only hooligans, losers and simply bad children stay out late (and what, mom needs to somehow hide her anxiety under the guise of the immutable laws of the universe).

<b><i>You’re 14.</i></b><i> </i>You’re going out with your teenage friends. You are just discovering nightlife. Therefore, returning home before midnight is a sign of a mama’s boy, a coward and just a sucker (so what, the group needs to somehow maintain the composition of the participants, otherwise it will fall apart).

<b><i>You are 30. You </i></b>are already tired of night parties, you have tasted them to the fullest and now you want to leave parties no later than half past ten, so that by midnight you can already be lying in your cozy bed. But the feeling that you “cheated” and “ruined your friends’ fun” does not go away. You toss and turn, can’t sleep until three in the morning and think that it would be better to stay with them, since you still can’t sleep.

So what should you do at 30? Stay and give in to your desires? Leaving feeling guilty? Any step is a crime against yourself. And this is the simplest example, but how many of them can there be? Bend your fingers:

<i>Attitude towards relationships </i> <i>Attitude towards elders </i> <i>Attitude t

Options

owards the opposite sex Attitude </i> <i>towards work Attitude </i> <i>towards parents </i> <i>Attitude towards…anything significant </i>

So it turns out that once a person reaches a critical mass of conflicting coordinate systems, life turns into a walk through a minefield. The squid game is resting — everyone is undermined here.

But why do I call it a coordinate system? Due to the fact that beliefs usually represent dichotomous divisions, focusing on which, a person chooses his model of behavior.

So what to do now, when everyone has inevitably accumulated such a burden? There are several steps here: <i>1) Selecting the field of work, the subject of work, the client’s request; </i> <i>2) Identification of conflicting coordinate systems affecting a given request; </i> <i>3) Analysis of coordinate systems, determining their relevance and eliminating irrelevant ones; </i> <i>4) Prioritization of coordinate systems, determination of primacy and selection rules; </i> <i>5) Application of a decision-making system (coordinate selection system) on a request (task). </i>

And then — either closing the request and completing the work, or working on points 2–5.

No magic. No secrecy. Transparent technology, proven by tens and hundreds of hours of practice. It’s simple, straightforward, and that’s why it works.

I hope this article will give more understanding about the method of work and reduce the anxiety of uncertainty before applying. And colleagues can take the idea on board and rethink it.</p></article></body>

“Coordinate systems” or “any step is an error” — the method of my work

You know, I’m still a dreamer. Since childhood, I have been inventing, constructing, composing something. Yes, I was never particularly good at it, but I tried! And so the years passed, the inner critic weeded out the dream of becoming a world rock star (due to lack of ear for music) or a famous artist (due to color blindness or lack of taste), but the habit of combining different ideas and testing their viability in practice remained.

Fortunately, I chose a profession in which it is possible to create my own work system and follow it. And now, after 10 years in psychology, I have chosen a method that fits into the cognitive-behavioral approach, and which gives results. That’s what I want to talk about. DISCLAIMER. One way or another, I have written about this idea before, but in this note I want to talk about it more fully and systematically. Therefore, people who are phobic of repetitions should not read it. DISCLAIMER has ended. As with all CBT, the central essence is extremely simple: throughout a person’s life, communicating with different people and receiving different information, he forms many contradictory systems of coordinates. And by the time he reaches a more or less mature age, a person finds himself in a situation where he cannot do anything that would not make him “bad” in at least one coordinate system. But our world is so structured that it is impossible not to act. Therefore, a contradiction arises: you need to do something, but no matter what you do, you will feel bad. Hello, frustration, I’ve been waiting for you for so long! We need an example to make it clearer, right? You are 10 years old. You’re going for a walk. Mom says that only hooligans, losers and simply bad children stay out late (and what, mom needs to somehow hide her anxiety under the guise of the immutable laws of the universe). You’re 14. You’re going out with your teenage friends. You are just discovering nightlife. Therefore, returning home before midnight is a sign of a mama’s boy, a coward and just a sucker (so what, the group needs to somehow maintain the composition of the participants, otherwise it will fall apart). You are 30. You are already tired of night parties, you have tasted them to the fullest and now you want to leave parties no later than half past ten, so that by midnight you can already be lying in your cozy bed. But the feeling that you “cheated” and “ruined your friends’ fun” does not go away. You toss and turn, can’t sleep until three in the morning and think that it would be better to stay with them, since you still can’t sleep. So what should you do at 30? Stay and give in to your desires? Leaving feeling guilty? Any step is a crime against yourself. And this is the simplest example, but how many of them can there be? Bend your fingers: Attitude towards relationships Attitude towards elders Attitude towards the opposite sex Attitude towards work Attitude towards parents Attitude towards…anything significant So it turns out that once a person reaches a critical mass of conflicting coordinate systems, life turns into a walk through a minefield. The squid game is resting — everyone is undermined here. But why do I call it a coordinate system? Due to the fact that beliefs usually represent dichotomous divisions, focusing on which, a person chooses his model of behavior. So what to do now, when everyone has inevitably accumulated such a burden? There are several steps here: 1) Selecting the field of work, the subject of work, the client’s request; 2) Identification of conflicting coordinate systems affecting a given request; 3) Analysis of coordinate systems, determining their relevance and eliminating irrelevant ones; 4) Prioritization of coordinate systems, determination of primacy and selection rules; 5) Application of a decision-making system (coordinate selection system) on a request (task). And then — either closing the request and completing the work, or working on points 2–5. No magic. No secrecy. Transparent technology, proven by tens and hundreds of hours of practice. It’s simple, straightforward, and that’s why it works. I hope this article will give more understanding about the method of work and reduce the anxiety of uncertainty before applying. And colleagues can take the idea on board and rethink it.

Psychology
Mental Health
Relationships
Anxiety
Stress
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