Contemplating the Meaning of “The More You Know, The More You Realize You Don’t Know”

Summary

The author reflects on the paradoxical feeling of knowing more but feeling less certain as they grow older.

Abstract

The author recalls a conversation with an old counselor from a youth camp they attended in high school, where they were awarded for having deep conversations. Despite gaining more knowledge and experience over the years, the author feels less confident and more confused about life. They explore the idea that as one gains more knowledge, they become more aware of what they don't know, leading to a sense of uncertainty and anxiety. However, the author also sees hope in the possibility that their true self is still present, waiting to emerge when the time is right.

Opinions

The author believes that gaining knowledge and experience can lead to a paradoxical feeling of knowing more but feeling less certain.
The author feels that as one gains more knowledge, they become more aware of what they don't know, leading to a sense of uncertainty and anxiety.
The author sees hope in the possibility that their true self is still present, waiting to emerge when the time is right.
The author uses the Urdu word "ehsaas" to describe the sensation of truly realizing something, suggesting that

A reflective month in my apartment alone stirred a number of feelings I still don’t quite understand.

I spoke to an old counselor of mine today — someone who I’d met five years ago during my senior year of high school. That year, I attended a youth camp which played a large role in my life in the years to come. I met future mentors, close friends, romantic interests … the list goes on.

My last year of high school is one of the best years I can remember. I was happy, successful (well, by the standards of high school), ambitious, and at peace. One of the highlights of the year was attending this camp. I vividly remember how at the end of the long weekend, as we all said our goodbyes, the counselors presented a few small awards to some of the attendees.

They were just little $2 trophies, but it was the thought behind them that mattered. I got one as well. The thought behind my award is what, 5 years later, inspired this article.

The same counselor I mentioned above presented my award to me. The reason? For being the person “he had the deepest conversations with.” Those were his exact words, and in that moment, I — a naive, foolish high schooler — took great pride in feeling like one of the wisest people in his age group.

Today, no matter what angle one looks at it from, I know a lot more than that kid at the camp. I’ve graduated college, I’ve started a PhD program, I’ve taken religious lessons, I’ve made and lost friends, I’ve given and received advice, and I’ve simply just lived longer. For all intents and purposes, I should be a wiser and smarter human today.

And yet, I feel like I know nothing at all.

No matter how many academic courses I take, I feel unqualified for any meaningful work. The more spiritual I become, the further enlightenment appears to be. With each new person I meet, I seem to become less social; with each piece of advice I encounter, I end up all the more confused. Perhaps I have lived longer, but I am not sure I have anything to show for it.

And so followed the conversation I had with my counselor today. I vented quite a bit about life, school, work, and the like. I acknowledged my flaws and described my dreams, seeking his advice. And when all was said and done, we had the following exchange:

“What’s it been, 5 years now, since I attended that camp and first met you?”

“Been that long, huh? Wow, doesn’t feel like it.”

“Yeah — you know, what’s interesting is I think about the person you met back then and how confident and sure of himself he was. He carried himself with certainty; he felt at peace. You can probably tell just talking to me, nowadays I’m always … confused. I-I’m unsure about everything; I stutter sometimes. *sigh*. I just feel like life’s been testing me a lot lately.”

“You know, for what it’s worth, you don’t seem any different to me. You still sound like the same, thoughtful guy I met in 2017.”

There is a lot to unpack here, hence I am writing this article. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve heard the quote “The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know” tossed around by historical figures, outdated textbooks, and overconfident teachers. I’ve always understood it at a high level; it makes sense that as knowledge increases, so does one’s ability to seek out and absorb more knowledge. After all, it is a never-ending and vast ocean.

However, recently I’ve begun to truly feel this quote. There’s a word in Urdu, in fact, that describes my emotions more accurately: ehsaas. The best way to understand it in English is as a sensation one experiences when truly and deeply realizing something.

I should be more confident, more certain, more tranquil today — but I’m not. Perhaps this is why life only becomes more stressful as we age. There is of course the physical reality of taking on more responsibilities and “adulting,” as people say. However, maybe it’s coupled with a subconscious, mental fear — anxiety at all the things we visualize falling apart. We are literally at the mercy of all we have learned, because it has also shown us all that can go wrong. That’s what I see in my contribution to the above conversation.

However, there is also hope. My counselor’s words above imply that perhaps I have not changed as much as I fear. Or, even if I have, it seems that other part of me is still hiding in the depths of my soul, allowing me to weather the tests of life, biding its time until the moment is ideal to show itself.

So yes, it is true that the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know.

But maybe instead of seeing fear and darkness in the unknown, we can see beauty. If we do so — if I do so, then perhaps I will not lose myself along the way.