Consent
a free verse poem

- Trigger warning, the following poem depicts a sexual assault. This was a very difficult thing for me to write and to share. Please do not proceed with reading if you feel in any way that this may be too much for you to read.
(Family members of mine — please understand, I share this for healing, and I do this for others to be brave and tell their stories. Please do not read this if it may upset you.)
Consent
Ok, fine, go ahead, I say I know the price if I don’t — tumbling to the floor the enraged tossing of me, mattress and all —
my nightgown the thin veil between us twisting under your weight
my nose bending painfully to the side as you press your nose against mine your eyes so close I have to avert mine to keep your demons from blinding me.
I can feel the rage in your spittle.
I can feel your hatred seething into me, your insatiable need bearing down on me
the fish, just look at the fish swimming in the backlight glow the filter humming plecostomus, guppies, angel fish the gurgle, bubbles, water just look at the fish the blurry-teared visions of oblivious fish
your breath, heaving in my face the weight of you
Stop crying! I can’t do this if you’re crying — you are disappointed with me, disgusted with me
it’s not my fault I married damaged goods, you say, the blacks of your eyes always smile as they curse
The weight of you releasing the bed releasing me to silent, silent breathing the paralyzed listening the waiting for demons
Please, please, please I am praying you won’t wake the children
I sob without sound, knees to my chest when the door closes, you, on the outside of me
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please understand that these types of relationships are complex, complicated, and very destructive to a person’s mental strength. People leave when they are strong enough. Which is hard to do when their abuser’s main goal is to keep them weak. If someone you know is in an abusive, manipulative, controlling relationship — the best thing you can do is empower them and help them to secure options.
Christina Ward 🍁🌲 is a poet and writer from North Carolina. She has been away from her abuser now for 16 years. It takes a lifetime to heal.






