Congrats, Grandparents, You’re the Unsung Heroes of the U.S. Economy

When it comes to childcare, many working parents rely on grandparents. They shouldn’t have to.

If you’re an American grandparent caring for your grandchildren, congratulations! You’re part of a growing army of “Granny Nannies” stepping up to do what has to be done.

A recent Harris-Fortune Poll found that nearly half of working parents rely on their own moms and dads for childcare. And that care is critical: Over two-thirds of working parents say that without their parent’s help, they would have lost their job.

As every grandparent will attest, grandchildren are a joy. But the additional stressors of providing full-time childcare are significant, especially for an older adult.

The fact is, Americans’ dependence on grandparent-provided childcare is a result of inadequate support for working families. Sadly, the U.S. is the world’s only developed country without guaranteed paid parental leave and sick time.

And it’s grandparents who are picking up the slack.

I was a single Mom.

With no family living nearby, I remember the wrenching fear whenever the slightest change in my daughter’s schedule occurred. A childhood sniffle, a caregiver’s vacation, or an early-release schoolday could send my carefully constructed, fragile childcare arrangement into chaos.

The unnerving situation was described in a 1986 magazine article headlined “The Urgent Crisis in Day Care”:

“Though we live in an avowedly pro-family society, one that touts the values of family life above all others, our politicians have done very little to provide this essential family service. In fact, of all the world’s industrialized nations we’re the most backward in terms of government-provided child care. Still, every working woman perceives the day-care dilemma as her own problem, because she’s been made to feel that if she ‘chooses’ to work, it’s her responsibility to make arrangements for her children.”— Claudia Bowe, “The Urgent Crisis in Day Care,” Cosmopolitan, Nov. 1986

As it turned out, with the help of friends and paid caregivers, my daughter and I made it through. But unfortunately, what was “urgent” in 1986 has changed little today.

Unlike other advanced economies, where childcare is funded by a combination of families, the government, and the private sector, in America, parents continue to shoulder the lion’s share of childcare.

U.S. spending on early childhood — primarily subsidized childcare — is about .2 percent of our GDP. That’s compared to about .7 percent GDP of our peer nations. The U.S. spends an average of $500 per child per year, while other rich nations spend an average of 28 times more.

“Don’t tell me what you value, show me your budget, and I’ll tell you what you value.” ― President Joe Biden

How we got here: The history of U.S. childcare

Not just once, but twice in its history, the U.S. Government has funded an extensive, high-quality childcare system.

The first time was during the Great Depression. With the goal of putting parents back to work, the government established a network of centers for children. And it worked.

The second time was during World War II. Since the war forced women into the workplace to replace the men who had gone to fight, the government again set up a childcare system. Parents and children loved the centers, which were clean, safe, and affordable.

But when the war ended, so did the funding. Once again, parents and kids were on their own.

“The worst mother is better than the best institution.” — New York Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, 1943

Why America snubs parents

How did we get to a point where American parents have to scramble to find quality childcare, and are often forced to recruit their parents as Granny Nannies?

Pediatric surgeon Dana Suskind, MD, author of Parent Nation, lays the blame on the mythic idea of American individualism:

“The roots of this idea reach to the nation’s founding, to the colonial settlers and western pioneers who had to go it alone….Expecting societal help is seen as a form of weakness, a admission of failure. And since the ideal of individualism is bound up with our ideas about the sanctity of our right to make our own decisions about our families and how we want to parent, such support is deemed inimical to liberty and freedom.” — Dana Suskind, MD, author of Parent Nation

Dr. Suskind says the result is that parents — especially mothers — are led to believe they should bear the full responsibility for childcare alone — a daunting and alienating experience. One of my favorite writers on Medium, Kerala Taylor, describes it this way:

“Women mostly engage in parallel mothering, each of us hunkered down in our own chaotic lives, hardly able to muster the energy to send or respond to texts…Any respect our culture pays to mothers is just lip service…Beyond the cheesy cards, crooning songs, and annual flowers, there is a yawning black void of social support.” — Medium writer Kerala Taylor

Exploding the myth

When it comes to parenting, the American myth of individualism doesn’t hold up. Individualism implies choice, and choice implies options.

Do parents really have a choice when the average cost of childcare is close to 10% of a family’s income? When waitlists for childcare centers are months or years long? When parents have to choose between staying home with a sick child, or losing their job? When so many daycare workers are untrained, poorly paid, glorified babysitters?

The fact is, without consistently high-quality and affordable childcare options, there is no such thing as choice.

We shouldn’t rely on the good nature of grandparents to do the heavy lifting of fulltime childcare— including diapering, tutoring, chauffeuring, feeding, and disciplining. As parents themselves, grandparents have already been there, and done that.

As valuable as grandparents and other informal sources of support are, they aren’t enough. Parents need more when it comes to their children.

It’s time for the U.S. to join the ranks of other industrialized nations, and provide robust support for parents during the most critical years of their children’s development.

It takes strength — not weakness — to acknowledge we all need “a village” to raise our youngest citizens. It will take all of our resources — working together — to ensure children can grow to meet the promise of their full potential.

Thank you for reading! Please visit my profile to find more essays covering my thoughts in life’s second half, including this one: