Confidence Comes from Keeping the Promises You Make to Yourself
How showing up for yourself, will help you grow your self-confidence.
As a child, I had all the stats and figures against me. I was not performing well in school, and I came from an underprivileged background. My bad behaviour did not help either. Teachers would often get frustrated and say things they should not have.
Although I used to act like a cool kid, my self-confidence was very low. The sad thing is, I was very good at faking. And not many people knew I struggled with low self-esteem and being motivated to do anything. I would put on a front, but once behind closed doors, I would feel empty.
With many of my teachers not believing in me and everything appearing to be against my odds, I was always scared of messing up. And considering a huge part of confidence is trust, you could see how this fear would hold me back from believing in myself.
Despite feeling low for a lot of the time, I did not always feel like that. At the age of nine years old, I found joy in sports. It did not take too long to realise I was one of the fastest kids in my school. So, we would always race, and I used to enjoy beating everyone.
For a long time, I defined my self-confidence like this: The ability to beat everyone else. Unfortunately, that definition quickly failed when I realised I could not be the best at everything. But also, it was hard to be the best at even the things I was good at.
So, I went on a journey of defining self-confidence for myself, and by the time I hit sixteen, I accomplished it. But I did not know why until last week. So, here is the one trait I believe anyone needs to begin growing in self-confidence.
Start Keeping Promises to Yourself
Whilst scrolling through Instagram, I came across this quote:
“Confidence comes from keeping the promises you made to yourself.”
I tend to be wary of quotes on Instagram. Even though I own a quote page myself for my blog, I do not believe in motivational quotes making things better. And many of them are inaccurate and do nothing for anyone.
But to my surprise, I resonated with this quote. And it was because it brought to my awareness the reason for my self-confidence. When I was sixteen, I promised myself I would get certain grades in school. It was not to compare myself to others but to prove to myself that I could do it.
With all the stats and figures against me, I stopped looking at what others believed about me and decided to prove myself. The only way I could do this was by holding to a standard I believed I could achieve.
So, when my grades came back, I finally experienced what self-confidence is. Through keeping the promise to myself, I confirmed that I could be the person I believed I was.
I agree that there are many other things people can do to grow in self-confidence. This article highlights some great bits of advice, like face your fears and surround yourself with positive people.
However, none of these things really help self-confidence. Instead, they are a result of it. Here is why the one trait needed for self-confidence is the ability to keep your promises.
Trust Is Built on Kept Promises
We learn to trust others because they repeatedly show up when they say they will. A child being tossed in the air by their mother or father has full confidence that they will not hit the floor. And that is only because of the trust they have in their parents to protect them.
The child being thrown in the air can now laugh at their potential doom of injury. And most importantly, they can rest assured that their parents will show up. It is the same with us when trying to develop self-confidence.
Facing our fears, being kind to ourselves, and taking care of our bodies are a result of the trust we have in ourselves. And that trust is built up over time as we continue to show up.
So, when trying to build self-confidence, focus on doing two things. The first is creating promises that are meaningful to you. That could be as small as going for a walk every day or as large as writing two articles every day.
These promises must be reflective of what you believe you can do. You would not promise someone something you know you could not achieve, so why do that to yourself. Make promises to yourself that you believe that you can keep. As you grow in self-confidence, your promises will begin to evolve and get bigger.
The second is to keep track of the promises you have kept. By doing so, you can always go back and remind yourself that you can be who you believe you are. Not only this, but you can then see the results of self-confidence in your own life.
Each promise you keep will show you that you can face your fears, you can be persistent, and you can become the best version of yourself.
And when you fail to keep a promise, you can be kind to yourself. Just look back at all the promises you have kept, and remind yourself that you are human at the end of the day. Plus, looking back shows you that you can do it and that you are not useless.
Start With a Promise
I do not know who you are, and you do not know much about me either. But I want to tell you that you can do it. Whether you are super confident already or still seeking your confidence, I know you have so much potential.
So, the first promise I want you to make yourself is that you can do it. Whatever “it” is, you can be that. You may want to be a straight-A student or a great father, and I assure you that you can.
All you have to do is begin making small promises to yourself, starting with the one above. And as you continue to show up for yourself, you will begin growing in self-confidence.