Addiction | News

Confessions of a News Junkie

Please grant me the serenity

I am a recovering News Junkie. This is my first meeting at NA. First things first, I guess. I need help. I admit it. It’s been three days and six hours since my last fix. I don’t know why I do it, but there’s just something in me that wants to know. I need to know about this Omicron coronavirus subvariant Arcturus that is rising in India and just landed in Los Angeles.

You see, I grew up in a household where the news was always on. My mom had a mid-century AM Silvertone Radio she got from Sears & Roebuck and played it nonstop even though the broadcast was partially drowning in hissing static.

My mom loved being informed about what was happening in the world. She was riveted to the radio during the Cuban exile’s botched military landing operation in The Bay of Pigs in 1961. Her ears were glued to the Silverstone during The Civil Rights Movement, during the USSR hydrogen bomb tests, during Kennedy’s warning of a possible nuclear attack.

My mom was a news addict as well. She thought that an informed public was at the heart of a democracy. Like mother like daughter… I guess. Anyway, this is why I’m here today. I’m struggling. To want to know is my albatross. Like right now, I want to know the ramifications of the US Supreme Court’s decision on abortion. What does it mean “it’s going back to the Appeals Court”? And is Biden really going to run again?

It’s not easy. It’s not, but maybe with the support of this group, I can kick my addiction. I admit that I read the NY Times, AP, The LA Times, The Wall Street Journal, and the Washington Post daily. I admit I flip between CNN, MSNBC, BBC World News, and Fox News all day long, looking for my next high.

It’s sick. I’m addicted to the constant stream of information, even though it gives me anxiety. I sleep with my phone, waiting for incoming notifications. I wake up with bloodshot eyes and hands shaking.

It has to stop. Admitting this is my First Step. Right?

As hard as it is, I need to step back and re-evaluate my somewhat masochistic relationship with the news. All the negative news has made me feel depressed and hopeless.

Like… what’s the point? Really? Do I dare knock on my neighbor’s door at the wrong hour? Will I get shot?!?

I don’t know. I know. I don’t know.

I’m confused. I’m feeling helpless, also. Some days I get headaches; some nights, I can’t sleep. I’m going crazy.

There are days when I have hallucinations. One minute I’m at the checkout stand at Ralphs reading the magazines, then suddenly my mind warps, and I think I’m at Coachella listening to Bad Bunny and going “200 millas en un jetski,” taking out the whole crowd one by one.

I’d probably be better off if I were addicted to a substance so I could get help from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration. Last I checked, they don’t deal with news addicts.

I realize that my news addiction is just a way to avoid dealing with my problems. Instead of dealing with my own issues, I distract myself with the world's problems. At least, this is what my best friend Gina said. She’s dead now, so I can’t talk to her, so I’m here.

Like you all sitting here, I’m taking an inventory of my news addiction and how much I consume. It’s embarrassing. There is a 24-hour news cycle, after all.

As of yesterday, I started by setting boundaries for myself. I’m only going to check the news for one hour a day. Thirty minutes in the morning. Thirty minutes at night. I still want to be informed. I just need to find a way to stay informed without letting it take over my life.

I’m also going to try to pare down my exposure to certain types of news stories that particularly trigger me to want to binge more.

I’m focusing on mental health and self-care now. Instead of binging on the news, I’ll walk around the block, say hi to neighbors, whistle the ABC song, and try not to think about Russian troops forcibly relocating Ukrainian families near the southern city of Kherson.

I’m taking this seriously this time. Okay . . . I’m going to avoid triggers that make me want to consume. Boredom is a big trigger. I hate being bored, which is why I multi-task when I listen to the news. I’m going to replace the news with, um… maybe reading some of Oprah’s Book Club recommendations. Those are innocuous, right?

And…if I relapse, which in all likelihood I will, I won’t beat myself up for it. If I go over my thirty-minute morning limit, I won’t give up on myself. I’ll call my sponsor Gayle who will probably tell me something like a relapse is part of recovery — a new chance to learn and grow. “Progress, not perfection,” she’d say.

Yeah, I know I need to forgive myself and let go of any shame and guilt of the all-or-nothing approach.

It’s been a difficult journey, but I’m happy to say that I’m making progress. I’m taking it one day at a time, staying news sober today so that tomorrow can worry about itself.

If I may:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Thank you for letting me share.